Saturday, April 10, 2004
Saturday Night Slugfest!
Good evening, dear reader! This is Flint, coming to you semi-live, from wherever it is I'm typing this! It's Saturday, of course. Saturday was named after the gambling deity of the same name. Rumor has it that he lost a whole arm once playing poker, because he had no money, and refused to surrender. Or mabey I'm just bullshitting you. Whichever you hold to be true.
I was thinking of doing a serious post today. Super-serious. Serious like Captain Serious and the Serious Squad. But, I'll do that next time. Or the time after that, perhaps. Unless, you want a serious post, of course. You're comments are always valued by me! Anyway, tonight, I thought I'd do another one of those "V.S" posts, but this one has a bit of history behind it. This fight was the reason I started doing these "V.S" posts.
See, one day, me and my bro are watching DBZ, right? And there was Hercule, making an ass out of himself, as usual. I casually say, "Man, how did Hercule get that championship belt? I've never seen him actually beat someone!" Then, he tells me, "Dude, he beat Spopavich before he turned majin, remember?" I did remember. Hercule had to have some kind of martial arts training to actually beat someone. It was then that I had an epiphany. I knew another loser who had only beaten a handful of people: Dan Hibiki. So, I look at him, and I say, "Dude, who would win in a fight between Hercule and Dan?" He was dumbfounded. There were so many variables one would have to put in place.
So, tonight, I'm leaving the outcome of this fight to YOU, the reader! Fun, right? Of course, it is! Now, time for some "Tale of the Tape!"
TALE OF THE TAPE
HAIRSTYLE: Funky-Ass 'Fro
FACIAL HAIR: Pimpin' Handlebar moustashe
GI COLOR: Brown "poopie" top, White "Liberace" pants
HOMEBOYS: Majin Buu, Pink Ball of Happy, Hungry Goodness
ADVANTAGE OVER DAN: Hercule is somewhat intimidating, even if his confidence is false. And, if things get too hairy, Majin Buu's got his back.
HAIRSTYLE: Ponytail, with exaggerated Spitcurl
FACIAL HAIR: Stubble on Chin
GI COLOR: Pink "Girly-Man" Gi
HOMEBOYS: Blanka, crazy Green Monster-Man
ADVANTAGE OVER HERCULE: Dan knows how to use energy attacks (The Gadouken is technically an energy attack.), and he doesn't know when to give up. No, seriously, he doesn't!
Now, it's up to YOU, and your wise opinions, to finally settle this blood feud. Please, do this not for you, not for future generations, but for me. Please? Please, with sugar on top?
Okay, I'm so gone now. See ya when I see ya.