Saturday, April 10, 2004
Ol' Flint's Pulled a 'Terry Funk', huh?
Good evening, reader. My name is John Ramsey O'Connor. I was one of the web designers of the original FlintMarco.com, not to mention the president of the "Flint = God" fan club. A few years ago, we shut down Flintmarco.com, during on of Flint's uncontrollable drunken rages. That was back in 1987.
Now, in 2004, we decided to put up a new site, with a stylish new name: Flint.com. See, kids don't identify with a "Marco". They think he's that Groucho Marx dude. So we cut it off. Now, kids think Flint's the greatest again! And, as long as he sells T-shirts, drink coozies, and other assorted crap, we'll be happy.
Now, the return of Flint.com is great and all, and the kids are going ape-shit, but there's one person who doesn't know it's happening: Flint Marco himself. That's why we're gonna go to his house and give him the good news!
(John O'Connor walks up to Flint's front door, and knocks.)
FLINT: (Obviously drunk) ...Whudda fuck 'r yoo doin' h're, John?
JOHN: Flint, I have good news!
FLINT: Whut? Free money?
JOHN: Even better!
FLINT: Well, whut 's it?
JOHN: We created a NEW WEBSITE, dedicated to you again!
JOHN: ...Isn't that exciti-
FLINT: Wai', wai, wait, lemme git this strait. Yoo woke m' up at three in the aft'rnoon, while I was tryin'a git my beauty sleep, to tell me that yoo made a website?
JOHN: ...It's your website. Remember?
FLINT: (Grabs John's necktie, and begins choking him with it.) Do yoo realize I require FIFTEEN HOURS of sleep to maintain my natural beauty? I'm gonna look ugly thanks to yoo, O'Connor! You'll pay, man! YOU'LL PAY DEARLY!!
Yep, that was THE Flint Marco nearly choking me to death with my own necktie! From here on in, we'll continue to attempt to bring you the same brand of incoherant babble and misspelled half-truths you've come to know and love. And who knows? If we can get him to calm down, Flint might even post once in a while! Well, that about it for this post. You've been a good audience. Have a cookie.
-John Ramsey O'Connor
Web Design dude, Flint.com