Monday, August 29, 2005
Crisis on Infinite Funs! Ask Mr. Marco returns!
Gewd day to you, my reading friends! I'm Flint Marco, and you're in my yard. It's Monday night, and wrasslin's on! Nothin' I like more than a healthy dose of pro graps!
Well, Flint's day was okay. How was yours? I ask, only because I care. I really had a super-boring day. Work was average, and I didn't do anything noteworthy afterward. Lo, but my life is pain...
Hey, kids! Ready for fun? You better be, sucka! 'Cause Here comes something I haven't done in ages, and I'm not sure I can even pull it off anymore! Brace yourself, 'cause here comes...
ASK MR. MARCO!
Little Timmy of Nevada writes:
Dear Mr. Marco, why did the freezer pack replace the regular twelve-pack?
Well, Timmy, this is a question that most of civilized society is asking. Like you, they miss the fat-packed, akwardly-shaped boxes filled with sodas beyond your wildest dreams. To understand the change however, you must go back in time...
The year is 1999. The big Noen Comeback was rearing it's ugly head. Robocop had not only put aside his war with the Terminator, but actually teamed up with him to fight crime. And, in downtown Chicago, a mobster's life would be saved in a most peculiar way. This gangster, dubbed "Tony Cola Fizz" was at his favorite bar, sucking down his mix of Mr. Pibb and Dr. Pepper, a most dangerous combination. Suddenly, a group of evil crime lords burst in, and began firing on Tony. Mr. Cola Fizz dived behind the counter, and grabbed a narrow box full of soda. It's rectangular shape made it easy to throw, and Tony used it to take out his would-be killers. He decided to use his ties with the cola industry to turn the normal fat boxes into rectangular "freezer packs". Sadly, Tony died a few weeks later due to a massive kidney stone.
Lulu from Oregon writes:
Dear Mr. Marco, there's a mean boy at school. He always picks on me and hits me, just because I'm a girl. How do I make it stop?
Lulu, my girl, all bullies are cowards. Simple as that. The reason this creature picks on you is because his life sucks. Have you looked at his shoes? Do you notice how one of his legs is biger than the other, and he hobbles when he walks? Not to mention that he's hideously ugly. Jesus, God hates this kid.
My advice to you, Lulu, is call out this boy, HBK-style. Meet him at the big school playground. And when you get the first chance, give him a taste of that Sweet Chin Music! NEXT!
Billy Bob from Maine writes:
Dear Mr. Marco, I've got a big school essay to finish by tommorow night. It counts for 60 percent of my overall grade this year. Problem is, I haven't even started yet! What do I do?!
Damn, kid. Sucks to be you.
Hee hee, what fun! Fun, thy name is Flint! You got a question for Flint? That's what the comment box is for.
See ya some other time.