Tuesday, August 16, 2005
Hey, kids! It's Post-o-Fun!
Good eve to ye, cherish'd friends! I'm Flint, and I run this place. Why? Because I can, and that's what I do. Today is Tuesday, my un-favorite day of the week. Tuesdays are so boring.
Yep, looks like another slow week coming along. Slow like molasses frozen thirty feet in an iceberg. NOTHING happens this week! What reason do I have to exist, when there's nothing to eist for? How will I stave off suicide?!
I'll tell you how: magic! Wingardian leviosar!
Okay, enough. Let me tell you how ol' Flint wastes time and money together effectively. So, yesterday, I see one of my tires goes flat. "Damn" I say to myself. My first mistake was taking the damn car to the local Wal-Mart to get fixed. I go up to the automotive counter, and the guy tells me, "The car'll be in there for an hour. Might as well take a look around. I say to myself, "Screw it. I got an hour to kill. Might as well look around."
My second mistake was to wander into the toy section. Now, toy collecting is pretty low on the dork radar, right? Well, your pal Flint's guilty of that sin. So, when I wander into the action figure isle, what do I see but NEW Marvel Legends figures! Hawkeye! Deadpool! Juggernaut! Dark Pheonix! Freakin' Ghost Rider! I had to have them, even if I had to gun down God himself to get them! Luckily, no diety was killed, for I have assloads of cash. I threw them in a basket with some other groceries, paid for them, then headed back to the automotive department. It had been an hour since I'd been there. Surely the car would have it's tire changed by now, right?
My third mistake was not buying clorox to drink, thereby ending my suffering. It had been an hour, and they hadn't even gotten started on my car! I took a seat on a bench, and waited. And waited. And waited. And waited until the end of time. Three hours passed. three hours of sitting on a bench, humming the theme song to "G.I. Joe", and wondering who would win in a fight between Wolverine and Inuyasha. For the record, Wolverine would kick the crap outta that stupid dog. Finally, me tire was changed. I paid for the stupid new tire, thre my groceries into the car, jumped in, and made a hasty retreat, leaving all my cash and my pride behind.
The moral? Cars are stupid, groceries are a conspiracy, and DON'T COLLECT TOYS!
Okay, see ya later!