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• InnocentDemon8
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Birthday
• 1987-08-06
Gender
• Female
Location
• The city of lost angels..a,k.a. Los Angeles
Member Since
• 2004-06-26
Occupation
• singer/ writer/ student/vampire/old age goth/witch
Real Name
• Amber but you can call me Fae-Fae



Personal

Achievements
• Choir Awards, Singing Awards, Poetry Awards...too many to list, Honor Roll my whole life
Anime Fan Since
• well...since eighth grade but my newfound friends in p.e. got me more into it
Favorite Anime
• Inuyasha, Cowboy Bebop, Witch Hunter Robin, Chobits, Yuyu Hakasho, Tenchi Muyo, Ruroini Kenshin...i know i spelled some of those wrong
Goals
• to become a singer, study in Italy, find my true vampire love...already attained, to master my craft of magic
Hobbies
• singing, being different, daydreaming, writing, dieing, bleeding from sel-inflicted wounds, crying, hurting, mentally breaking down, hating, loving everything but myself, ridiculing myself, drinking blood, casting spells, and learning about Wicca
Talents
• singing, writing,...i think that is it





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myOtaku.com: Fae Tsukiakira

Welcome to my site archives. 10 posts are listed per page.

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Wednesday, August 4, 2004


   just rambles
hmm...sorry i have not posted recently...i have been way to busy...and rather ill...last night i went to the Incubus concert...it was rather awesome...Sparta was very good but they needed more energy...but Incubus...oh my freakin' goddess...i almost died...it was bliss...heaven...the guy with me was bored as hell...but he claimed he loved them...i think he was just sick of listening to me scream at brandon boyd...they had a lot of major jamming breaks...at one point they brought out this small drum set...the thought going through my mind was that they were going to bring out a little kid to play...but the bassist placed his bass down and began to play...then brandon went to the bongos and the drummer continues on...and they had a jam out...after every song brandon would go behind the drum set...but i couldn't tell what he was doing...perhaps drinking som water...my friend was in the front so she could see...apparently after everysong he would go and take a puff of some weed and then come back and continue singing...i hope he stops though because it is really going to fuck up his voice after a while...one of the main reasons why i won't use it ...that and because i have asthma...hehe...my friends make me "brownies" instead...but don't think i am some kind of druggie...i am not...i only do it like twice a year...no addict here...i may have sorrow following me..but i don't liek to resort to drugs...well...i guess i should say who the guy was that was with me...my boyfriend...yeah...we are back together...*smacks head*...good or not...i am still not sure...lately...he has been complaining of wanting to go out and drink again and hanging in the streets...and has been getting buddy buddy with his ex...i am fine with things like that but they have spoken some things about me and he always referred to her as a bitch...suddenly she is a great person...but whatever...i suppose that is his business...he is saying he gave up all of this stuff for me...like how he gave up his friends for me...and he told me he would never choose me over his friends...which is fine by me...i would never pick him over my friends either...but i have not once told him to stay with me rather than his friends...i have always told him to go have fun with his friends...him and i can be together later...grr...what is wrong with me...?...why do i keep returning to him...?...oh well...more bad news...the band i was in has split...we are over and through...so now i am in search of another band...preferably goth rock...but not many people out here want that kind of music...my town has a small minded mentality...not everyone...just the majority...which angers me...i want out of here so badly...my mother really wants to get me out of here and wants me to see the world...and to follow my dreams...she is actually being supportive of me...which is somewhat freaking me out...this kindness is something new...but i like it...and i welcome it...but i am sorry for the babbling...

It has come to my attention that the one person whose approval i have longed for the most is not too fond of my writing...my sister is this person...she thinks i am too dark and that i make death appear too beautiful...she tells me i am going through my "dark" stage and someday it will end...but i disagree...this is who i am...people think that because i think dark thoughts and am into the goth scene that i don't ever have joyful times...believe me this is not so...i go out and have fun...i do not hate preps...i do not look down on those who are not like me...i don't always wear black...i listen to other music besides goth...granted i appear very depressed when my words are read...and i always have a cloud of sadness around me...but this is who i am...i do think she believes that i am in a phase...i am finding who i am...and along with that i am discovering that i prefer the darker scene...light is lovely...but there is beauty in darkness...afterall...the night is dark yet always appears heavenly...graveyards are "dark"...but offer peace...in any case i am going to cease rambling on...sorry...*blushes*...Farewell all. *black tear rolls from face turning the white rose black...offers it to everyone*...
~The Innocent Demon~

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Friday, July 30, 2004


   hey...another survey...different questions
as if i havn't taken enough of these...well these questions are somewhat different...enjoy...also there shall be another post later in the day so make sure you drop by and read it as well.

Act your age:sweet sixteen going on sour seventeen
Born on what day of the week:Thursday...according to an old rhyme i am supposed to be a hard worker if born on this day...hah
Chore you hate:hmmm...cleaning my room...i like it when things are a little cluttered
Dad's name:Robert Link...don't know the man...left when i was seven months old...had my brother give me his number this year...called...no answer...
Essentail make-up item:eyeliner and my black and crimson lipstick
Favorite actors/actresses:actor...Johnny Depp...*drool...actress...Liv Tyler
Gold or sliver:Silver please...it goes with everything
Hometown:Delano....*warning*...do not move to this town...the only good think now is that soon we are going to have the biggest skate park in all of kern county
Instruments you play:guitar...a few percussion instruments...and i sing...does my voice count as an instrument...?...
Job title:...student/writer/singer/age old goth/vampire/witch
Kids:yeah...sure...but if i did...their names would be Jade, Skyler, Echo, and Krystara, and Ian
Living arrangements:with my mother in a three bedroom apartment
Mom's name:Florencia
Number of socks you own:too many to count...
Overnight hospital stays:never...never even been admitted into one unless it was for visiting
Phobia:bugs...drowning...bugs...i repeat bugs
Quote you like:Personal Quote: "The roses of white are sere, all faded the roses of red; and one who loves me is not here, and one that I love is dead." -Petyton Van
Religious affiliation:no comment
Siblings:hmm...erika...and many half brothers and sisters...but of course Clinton and Brian are my brothers...even if it isn't by blood
Time you woke up today:11:42 p.m.
Unusual habits:um...breaking out into song...saying strange words
Vicious thing you've done:strapped my male friend into a chair...put make up on him...popped in a porno and left him there only for him to be found by his very religious parents
Worst habit:biting my nails...putting myself down
X-rays you've had:none
Your favorite season:spring and autumn
Zodiac sign:leo

[the alphabet survey] brought to you by BZOINK!

what is the first word that comes to mind.....
life:struggle
hope:scarce
truth:hidden
trust:embrace
faith:pure
pride:downfall
love:mutilated
lust:blood
pain:unbearable
hate:murder
lies:deceived
guilt:echo
laugh:babbling brook
cry:rainfall
live:now
die:fate
this or that (aka what do you like better)
punk or goth:goth...but i sometimes slip into the punk area too
rock or rap:rock
movies or music:music...over everything...except my friends...they come before anything
TV or movies:movies
E-mail or snail mail:snail mail
polar bears or pandas:pandas!!!!
hot or cold:cold
Alaska or Virginia:Virginia...very pretty
North America or Europe:Europe...perhaps because i live in America
love or lust:love
Ashton Kutcher or Tom Welling:Tom Welling
Smallville or Superman:well considering how Christopher Reed reacted towards my paralyzed cousin...Smallville
7th Heaven or Full House:hah...well it is a guilty pleasure of mine to watch Full House
movie theaters or movies at home:movies at home
amusement parks or the beach:amusement parks
beach or boardwalk:boardwalk
root beer or birch beer:root bear
lonliness or death:lonliness
gold or silver:silver
Good Charlotte or New Found Glory:Good Charlotte

Arienette's Untitled brought to you by BZOINK!

What makes you laugh?:my friends...and looking in the mirror...oh and watching golden girls...who knew a bunch of old ladies could be so funny..?...^o^
Who is your hero?:my siste and my cousin amy
Who would you want to be tied to for 24 hours?:oOo...Ville Valo or Johnny Depp
How many pairs of shoes do you own?:two pairs of sneakers, nine pairs of boots, four formal pairs, 3 pairs of sandals
Seriously... Where does the other sock end up?:in my stew...want some...?...ahhh...fresh sweaty feet...my favorite
Who do you blame for your mood today?:the people on otaku...yeah you...you all made me feel so special for your comments ^_^;;
If the Internet were sex... I would:flip it over and spank it then turn...* censored material*
Have you ever seen a dead body?:yes...
What is something scientists need to invent?:weed that doesn't harm the body...then world peace might exist...and something to revive the dead
What should we do with stupid people?:line them up against a wall and FIRE!!!
Have you ever broken a bone?:nope....not a single one
Do you watch local news? Why?:yeah...i am concerned about my environment
What happens after you die?:we do the macarena
How big is your bed? Big enough?:big enough for me...only me...but me and six other girls slept on it...nothing kinky...just friends
How long do you think you will live?:I will let fate ansewr that one...

Random Thought Provokers brought to you by BZOINK!


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Thursday, July 29, 2004


   past post but really describes how i feel...no one read this one anyways
i am such a foolish b****...six feet under is where i belone...i hate myself as of this moment...hah...i was beginnning to love myself again and then i had t go and f*** it up and now i hate myself more than ever..i am going through my box of hope...certain cards or letters that people have given me that make me feel good about myself...people seeing something in me i have always wanted to see but never could...maybe it is just one simple thing they say but it is my box of comfort...but now i look and all i see are written words that are mocking and lieing to me...it is all false...how could something like me as stupid and worthless as i am ?...how can this be?i should burn them...turn my hope into ashes...because that is where my hope truely lies...it has smoldered become dust blowing off into the tempting wind...these times...they should be spent with love not hatred...when we should be gathering closer together rather than more distant as we are doing...where faces should be warn and familiar...not cold and uncaring...we've known each other for so long yet react to one another as strangers...
here is something i wrote when i was 12...


I'm confused and lost...unsure of where i am going...opening doors to hearts, but finding nothing...they walk past me with cold and blnk stares...they look at my outer image and don't seem to care...i've been picked up, broken, abused, and battere by these people who call themselves my "friends."...who to trust?....where to go?....i tell them my heartaches and they show me the door...so i take the key and lock my heart and sould...never to be opened....never to be seen...it doesn't matter what i say....they look right past me as if i'm not there....i'll hide in my corner...unknown to the world...i'll live in my own world and stay hidden there...until someone finds the key to my soul ...who'll take the time to listen...and take the time tolove...to show me that everyone's really evil...and that some people really do care...



so much for those thoughts huh?...i scratch at the surface of my skin...hoping to find some depth within...hoping that maybe there is some beauty buried in me...but alas...all i find is decay and maggots...some dirt and trash...i belong in a dumpster...flush me downt the toilet and let me drown in the sewer with all of your lovely goldfish...

Thanks<br />
Strawberry Heavens!

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Wednesday, July 28, 2004


   The Raven's Kiss
dreams...i long for one...one happy one...i sit here before the screen and feel enveloped in a suffocating sadness...i am all alone within the vicinity of my household...so quiet...should i not be at peace...?...alas...i feel cold...fearful...the sun filters in through the window in tiny specks...but the grey is devoured it all...where has everyone flocked off to...?...my "brother" Tenchi has moved away to Utah yesterday...leaving me here to fend for myself once again...my niece, more like a younger sister really, has gone on to Long Beach...i am alone now...my friends have stopped calling as well...so it has begun...the promises have grown to thin...they can no longer be held..."We'll never part...never..."...it echoes through my heart...pushing the blade in a little further with each reverberation...the only thing worse than a broken heart is that of a broken friendship...i feel deserted by those surrounding me...but to you...all of myO friends...i offer you thanks...you have given me advice and support in the times i needed it most...i always look forward to your words upon my site...it makes me feel loved...not so distant from reality...oh i am rambling about again...sorry...here...i shall post a new piece i am working on...it is still under construction so when i believe it is completely done i shall repost it....
"The Raven's Kiss"

The Angel of Death
Has called you away
Leaving me here
To pitifully pray
My door stands open
To the darkened night
My wings in the shadows
No longer take flight
The black bird pecks through
The chaotic dreams
Tearing away
At my inner seams

The Raven's Kiss
Takes my breath away
Gives me new life
In worlds of grey
It brings us in union
Melts us to one
Completes the process
Finishes the undone

I slip through the bloody veil
In search of you
I hear muffled screams
But continue to pursue
The Raven he flies
Above the hating hearts
Spilling lives along the way
Pushing us closer
Rather than apart

Teh Raven's Kiss
Takes my breath away
Gives me new life
In worlds of grey
It brings us in union
Melts us to one
Completes the process
Finishes the undone.

Thank the Reaper's pet
For leading us tonight
Into each other's fading arms
Before the morning light
This time shall remain
Within you and I
Even when we have passed on
And silenced the cry

The Raven's Kiss
Takes my breath away
Gives me new life
In worlds of grey
It brings us in union
Melts us to one
Completes the process
Finishes the undone.
(C) Amber Sadoy 2004


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Monday, July 26, 2004


   tears have fallen over false lies...
today i was welcomed with a rather alarming bit of news...which i am still not completely sure is true...if any of you know the answer to this present mystery please alert me for i am wondering what sort of malevolent being could come up with a sick lie...i was in Visalia at the local Hot Topic...i was gathering some pens and notebooks all fashioned with HIM...call me a crazed fanatic or some obsessed teenage girl living with a fantasy...call me whatever you want...i like the band so i buy their merchandise...i had my boyfriend hold it for me while i rushed to find my mother so i could ask of her on the matter of borrowing an extra dollar...my request was granted and i made my way back to the store...i found my boyfriend right back where i had left him and he followed me over to the stationary supplies while i pondered which pen i should purchase..."Ville Valo died."... i stopped...looked at him...and smiled...knowing he was joking..."no...really...ask the girl over there...she told me while i was holding your things..."...i wanted to but i was frightened in thinking that perhaps the answer was yes he had passed on into the nether world...i went up to the cashier and purchased my items..."You are a fan of theirs are you not?"...the cashier asked of me..."yes. i findit rather obvious with one glance at the items i am trying to attain..."..."you keep up on the news about them don't you?"..."I try my best to, yes."..."really sad what happened to the lead singer isn't it?..."...."What?...You mean it is true?...he is dead?....no...this cannot be possible...this has to be some sick joke..."..."nope...i saw it online last night and my friend said she had heard of it to on the television."...well i about stopped breathing...i was determined to rush home and log on so i could look upon their official site and see if i coul gather any news...after a scruciating drive home filled with much anticipation and curiosity, i got on the internet and immediately typed in their web address...www.heartagram.com...there was no news whatsoever of ville's death...i was told he had been hit by a train...and had to endure my boyfriend's endless jokes on how he had died and his reenactments which i found quite childish...i checked a whole bunch of other sites as well and there is nothing speaking of his death...so now the question remains...have i been lied to?...is someone out there trying to spread a vicious rumor?...or is his death being covered up?...asi mentioned earlier...if any of you have any knowledge of this mystery leave it in my comment box...i would deeply appreciate it...i always am deeply grieved when a talented muscian dies suddenly and always light a candle...preferably a black one ...and i do not wish to burn it until i know that it is certain he has left our world...Farewell...
~The Innocent Demon~








In loving memory of Ville Valo???

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Sunday, July 25, 2004


   just another survey..

Basics yadayadayada
Name:Amber.....
Age:16...soon to be 17
Gender:Female last time i checked
Birthdate:August 6, 1987...yes i am a leo...bow to the queen of the jungle
Grade:Senior
Highschool:Delano High School
This...or....That
Wierd Al or The Gorillaz:hmmm...wierd al is awesome but right now i am feeling the gorillaz
Disturbed or Drowning Pool:Disturbed...don't get me wrong...i enjoy drowning pool
Metallica or AC/DC:Metallica...but i still love AC/DC
Black Sabbath or Iron Maiden:ooo my friend is going to kill me but Black Sabbath
Slayer or Pantera:....i am not sure...
Guns n' Roses or Velvet Revolver:both are excellent...as long as Slash is there
Aguliera or Spears(or neither):christina has the voice...britney has the boobs...but they are both slutty robots of the media trying to brainwash us all
Rock or Pop:rock
Country or METAL:metal
Taking Back Sunday or Smile Empty Soul:Smile Empty Soul...but i am beginning to get into Taking Back Sunday
Life or death:hmm....right now...life
Food or Drink:drink
Girls or Guys:guys
Happy or Sad:i always have a sad air about me
Angry or confused:confused
Friends
How many ya got?:many..many of them...a littany really
How many are girls?:i don't keep track
Guys?:read above
Any of em gay or bi?:yes...many are
Whos the nicest:hmm...cassie
meanest:sheena...in a good way
closest to?:rachel at the moment
Farthest away?:hmm...i never measured the distance...friendship knows no bounderies
Best Looking?:me....no just kidding...they are all beautiful...in my eyes they are
Oldest?:oOo...that would be this chick and guy who are both 38
Newest?:hmm...Claire
Tallest?:they are all taller than me
Shortest?:...that would be me but after me is sheena
likes pop music...:...i am not sure...
likes country...:cassie
likes rock...:all of us in one way or another
likes REAL rock...:most of us
Purest?:cassie
Dirtiest?:...hmm...i cannot tell you...
Most likable?:rachel
Funniest:willy
Most Sarcastic?:hehe....that would be me
Mst level headed?:iruka
Most Logical?:carrie
Most reasonable?:....
Smartest?:carrie or zulema
all around best?:every single one of them
Random
Do you like me?:i don't know...who are you?
Why not?:why not what?
ok:fine *crosses arms*
Do you find yourself confused often?:when i speak to you yes
How often?:read above
Do you ever feel like youre losing it?:all the time
Why?:because it is in my nature
Do your friends ever seem distant?:some of them do
Do you sleep 8 hours a night?:haha...yeah right
10 hours?:never
What time you go to bed?:when the sun comes up...but when it is time for school about three
Wake up?:eh...during summer...?...whenever my body is fully quenched by the sandman
How often you see your friends?:not much now -_-;;
Last time you...
Saw your friends?:a few days ago
Saw a movie?:a week and a half ago
Watched TV?:last n ight
Read a book?:an hour ago
Read Harry Potter?:never actually
Went to a fan site of some sort?:hmm...last n ight
Felt loved?:every time i read the comments on my otaku
Felt sad?:five minutes ago
Cried?:two days ago
felt Confused?:five hours ago
For(f) or Against(a)
Abortion:against...unless the girl pregnant was raped then i am for
Gay Marriage:for
Death Penalty:for
War:against but our leaders don't know how to sit and talk things out
President Bush:against
John Kerry:for
Drugs:against...unless their usage is for healing
Binge Drinking:against...do you have any sense?...
Guns:well they solve problems but then create just as many
Hunting:against in most cases...unless you plan to use ever single bit of the carcass...use what you abuse...and return to the earth what you have taken from it
Love:for
Love at first sight:for
Soul mates:for
Finishing up...
How many surveys have you taken?:hmm...on this site about 6 or more
Favorite Band:i hate it when i am asked that question...i love many...but right now...The Cure...HIM....AFI...Linkin Park...Disturbed...Unto Ashes...Madlife...and more
Favorite Show:hmm...Simpsons...and pretty much everything on the music channels
Favorite Book:Vampire Chronicles...The Bluest Eye and Beloved
Like this quiz?:sure
Will you take more if i make more?:if they are as good as this one
Is this goodbye forever?:i shall leave that up to you...perhaps our paths may cross yet again
I
Guess
I'll
be
Going
Now

99 questions for boredom brought to you by BZOINK!
The Generic Teenager Stereotype
Do you drink [alcohol]?:no
Do you party a lot? How often?:eh...sometimes...
Do you use drugs for recreational purposes?:no
How often do you use the word like in an average hour?:only when i am comparing something...even then not much...i don't think...unless i am doing my valley girl impression
Do you skip classes? How often?:every now and then...
Do you have casual sex? Protected?:no i am still a virgin
Do you steal?:no
Do you wear inappropriate clothing?:define inappropriate
Do you drool over celebrities?:hehe...i wish i could say i don't but yes...ville valo...*drool*
Do you watch a lot of TV?:not really
Do you ever watch the News?:yes
Do you even care about world issues?:of course i do
Do you read books often?:more than most do
Are you failing a lot of your classes?:no but i didn't do so great this semester
Do you spend most of your time with your friends?:yeah...that or alone
Do you smoke cigarettes?:no...asthma...plus it was a disgusting experience
Do you hang out a lot in malls, or at Seven Elevens?:i hang out in my room...or at my friend's house...or the cinema
Do you often find yourself with a crush on someone?:*nods head*
Do you cuss a lot?:more than i like to
Are you desperate to fit in?:no...not anymore
Are you intelligent?:i have a few things roaming around up there...people say i am...i like to think i am
The Goth Stereotype
Black lipstick?:yes...
Black eyeliner?:all the time
Black eyeshadow?:yes...with silver sparkles to look like stars
Black trenchcoat?:i own one...yes
Black boots?:i own many of those
Black fishnets?:yes...and white...and yellow...and pink...and red...and purple
Black nail polish?:yes
Cigarettes?:no
Heavy metal music?:yes
Marilyn Manson?:old manson...not new...he kinda lost it after awhile
Kittie?:many of them...i love kitties
Cradle of Filth?:they are awesome
Constant frown and perpetual angst?:i smile from time to time...or i just have a placid appearance
Do you like to be seen as:me...i want to be seen as me
Are you an intellectual?:yes...if you want to call me that
An atheist?:no...not exactly
Horrible home life?:it has it's negative moments
Hopelessly depressed?:more than i should be...yes
Suffering with suicidal idealations?:yes i would say so
Self-mutilation?:mmhmm
The Punk Stereotype
Plaid?:yes i own a few items like that
Big black boots?:yes...
Mohawk?:no
Excessive piercings? [Especially facial]:no
Loud, confident and opinionated?:loud and opinionated...confident...not so much
Wild hair colors?:when i can get away with it
NOFX?:they are awesome
Rancid?:they are great as well
Well versed on political scandals and outrages?:sometimes
A:hah...half of them don't even know what real anarchy is
The Jock Sterotype
What's your IQ?:above average
Do you watch a lot of sports?:no
Play a lot of sports?:no
Talk a lot about sports?:no
Do you do anything, really, but think about sports?:yes
Are you arrogant?:no
Are you a male or female whore?:neither
Are you homophobic?:no
Do you tease other people a lot because you want to seem confident?:no...
But really you're a quivering mass of insecurity?:yes i am
Boobs = yes?:i have them yes i do...i have them how about you?
Parties = yes?:eh...
Dropping out of high school and flipping burgers = yes?:hell no
The Girl Stereotype
Do you spend a lot of time on your appearence?:sometimes
Have you ever been on a diet?:no
How much did you lose?:read above
Was it not so much a diet as it was an eating disorder?:read above yet again
Make yourself throw up?:no...
Make-up?:yes
Low-cut tops?:i have a few for my funky moods
How big are your boobies? [Cup size]:a B...if you must know
Do you flip your hair when you talk, even if you don't realize it?:now but i play with it...i like playing with my curls
Giggle a lot?:no...but i do laugh
What's the deal with boys?:hmm...old age vampish
Thongs?:depends on what i am wearing
Pretty bras?:from time to time
YM, Teen, Cosmo, et al?:i flip through some of them yes
Who's the weaker sex?:neither are weaker...each has their own expertise
Are you a feminist?:hmm...not overly
Do you think Brad Pitt is hot?:he is pretty to look at ...but ville valo is even better in my book...as is Johnny Depp
How often do you shave your legs?:when i need to
How about your armpits?:read above
Are you emotional?:yes
Especially when on your period?:i hate to admit it but i become a real bitch
This Or That [Oh, that old coconut.]
Originality or Acceptance?:people should accept you for your originality
Independence or Companionship?:independence
Stability or Freedom?:freedom
Personal or Interpersonal?:hmm...depends
Introvert or Extrovert?:introvert...with extroverted moments
Popularity or Isolation?:isolation
Unique or Loved?:unique
Understood or Individual?:individual
You or Them?:me...

How Stereotypical You Are... brought to you by BZOINK!

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Saturday, July 24, 2004


   just an average time in my average life...
hello all...i have been rather busy so i am sorry if i havn't left any comments on your sites...i will as soon as i can...just wanted to add a post...well all was going fine...my mother and i were house sitting for my aunt and then she gets home...she owns an old Nintendo...it is screwing up on her and she manages to place the blame upon me...now i have pleayed it and she is saying the games take forever to start...and i can say that they have been that way for as long as i can remember...the games are old...the system is old...not in the best condition and it was acting like that ever since i was 4...and there are times when it won't play at all...i find it rather amusing that she can accuse me of something that has been happening before i even knew what a nintendo was...eh...whatever...my younger cousin ashley is on her way over and staying with me...apparently i am to take her and her friend shopping...but then her mom wants me to take her but then she doesn't...i have confusing aunts...ahsley is only going because her friend wants to and according to my aunt this girl is really boy crazy...well it is understandable because they are at that age when boys are becomeing more of an issue to them...but i guess she is really boy crazy so i have to keep an eye on them and make sure they don't throw themselves at the feet of some crazy horny high schooler...no offense...not all of you guys are like that but some are...i appear to have writing's block right now...i do not know why...it could be because i am deadl tired and only wish to pass out...no sleep for five days straight...what am i thinking?...

my friend's band is playing this friday at Metal Madness here in town but to tell you the truth i am going to see MadLife and Fata Morgana...i am not sure if any of you have heard of them but wow...they are intense...check them out at www.madlifemusic.com...you won't regret it...



here is a pic of them...



Isaiah getting lost in the moment



Erich...the bassist



*bows* Phil is a master of vocals



and the drummer boy chris



another promo pic...



me getting ready to go see them live!!! x_X

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Thursday, July 22, 2004


   This Ancient Love by Amber Sadoy
Oh my love we have sinned against Aphrodite
We have lost the trust
We contain no passion
But I can prove us wrong
I can save us from the pain
Just hold me tight
As we dissolve into tears
And stay with me while I
Make this mistake a right

But you told me to…

Bury this love
In an unmarked grave
Hold no services
Send no flowers
Leave it to rot
Forever alone
Known to none
Dead and gone

You made me disbelieve in all my fears
Allowing new ones to arise
We could have died in heaven’s embrace
But you sent me down
Into the silent ground
You left me in ruin
You wished upon our wounds
And broke our sacred dreams
Please let me have this chance

But you told me to…

Bury this love
In an unmarked grave
Hold no services
Send no flowers
Leave it to rot
Forever alone
Known to none
Dead and gone

I held the remedy
Within my hands
You swallowed them down
Leaving me ill
I was the Savior
But you crucified me
I was the witch doctor
But you impaled me
Now I am nothing
Just drops of blood
Falling from your sword

So you buried our love
In an unmarked grave
No services held
Our flowers decayed
We are but a legend
We are folklore
We are dead and gone
Like the tales of old
(C)Amber Sadoy, July 22, 2004


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Wednesday, July 21, 2004


   Breaking up is hard to do....
and so our time has ended as one...we are officially over...no longer bound as one...i am to wonder alone now...searching...hoping...waiting....i have forgotten what real love feels like...what it tastes like...am i living in a fairy tale?...am i praying for a love that can never be?...my heart keeps telling me to relax...but my mind tells me to hurt...to embrace the pain and make it my own...this whole night i have been scribbling different things on a paper...maybe i can work them into a song...point is i am the one who made the break of us...and i am the one crying...why?...did i make a mistake?...did my heart lie to me?...i thought i no longer loved him....if so then why do these tears stretch along my body...my heart bleeds rubies...my eyes bleed crystal...oh what formiddable gems i hold in my hands...hmm...this song by HIM completely describes the flag of love i am waving now...
"Heartache Every Moment"

From lashes to ashes
And from lust to dust
In your sweetest torment
I'm lost
And no heaven can help us
Ready, willing and able
To lose it all
For a kiss so fatal
And so worn

Oh it's heartache every moment
From the start 'til the end
It's heartache every moment
With you
Deeper into our heavenly suffering
Our fragile souls are falling
It's heartache every moment
Baby with you

And we sense the danger
But don't wanna give up
'Cause there's no smile of an angel
Without the wrath of god

Oh it's heartache every moment
From the start 'til the end
It's heartache every moment
With you
Deeper into our heavenly suffering
Our fragile souls are falling
It's heartache every moment
Baby with you
My darling with you

From lashes to ashes
And from lust to dust
In your sweetest torment
I am lost
And we sense the danger
But don't wanna give up

Oh it's heartache every moment
From the start 'til the end
It's heartache every moment
With you
Deeper into our heavenly suffering
Our fragile souls are falling
It's heartache every moment with you
That's right

...good night all...or good morning...however you wish...i just feel so alone...i want some sort of physical contact...a hug...an embrace...a hand reaching out..i tried looking to my mother for comfort but she just talked to him and consoled him...and left me there in the snow...freezing...abandoned...yet again...you were right...good things never last...maybe someday i will find something that will always last...yeah...someday...that love will be mine...just not now...i have always hated waiting...and i can no longer hate the pain...because i have become accustomed to it...well i said goodbye and i continued talking...sorry....

~The Innocent Demon~

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Tuesday, July 20, 2004


   We are through...i am sorry i could not love you...
I can feel it happening...We are going to crash...this fall is going to end with you and I in pieces...our song has played on too long...i'm tearing out the pages of our novel...you reach out and i pull away...you release the magic words from your mouth...but those three syllables have lost their fairy dust...no meaning lies behind them now...why are you so blind to what we have become...?...let us dance this last dance ...we are reaching our finale...the curtains are closing dear...take your bow before the applause has ceased...stand in your spotlight...i pray it becomes your cage...and I ...i shall fade into the background no longer visible to you...you shed tears but i smile in relief...the pain that i had was somehow passed onto you...i believe you loved me more than i could ever love you...but you never knew what real love was my sweet...someday you shall learn...someday you shall see...but i could not be your teacher i am afraid...i must leave you now...in this desolate hallway of bitter hate...soon your contempt for me will die and perhaps we shall return as friends...perhaps we will have a sequel...or perhaps we shall go where all dead letters go...farewell...my love...farewell...i wish you happiness and well being where ever you may roam...i shall miss...it is true...but i will not break...and i can wait and will not pass with the dieing day...so there you have it...the funeral is over...the tombstone shall remind you and i...you will meet another...far better than me...one who will understand you and love you in ways i could not...maybe i will have that joy...but than maybe i shall not...in either case i shall care eternal for you...whether you shed tears or rant curses upon my soul...Farewell...my love...once more...Farewell....




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