Saturday, January 29, 2005

We don't have the strength
Not like you
Facing this pain without you
Can't make it through
So smile, smile once more
And banish death
Ease the pain of yesterday
Use our dying strength
To call your immortal light
Smile.

To everyone who is or once was sad... smile!



~ In meomory of Kate Jackson.
Loved by so many and Missed by so many.
The person we all should of been.
You knew you didn't have long, but still you put others before yourself.
May you forever rest in peace.
Gone but never forgotten. :( ~
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Wednesday, January 26, 2005

grrrr....

well, I'm just sitting here laughing at all my friends who are currently at school.
I am moving schools again!- going to East Doncaster Secondary... start tomorrow.
I went there to get classes and meet teachers and stuff today. I am so use to moving schools that it just seemed 'another school' to me. *shakes head*

Well it was either That school or doncaster secondary. Both had room for me and my brother, but we went to east doncaster first and got most the subjects we wanted...
My electives
History
Info tech
Food tech
Art painting and drawing
Music
Geog
Biological science
plus core subjects: PE, sport, English, Maths, Geog, History, science and Commerce.

there wasn't a wide range of subjects.

going now...
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Tuesday, January 4, 2005

24th - happy birthday Danni
hope everyone who has been on holiday enjoyed it!

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Tuesday, December 28, 2004

survey

Really Long Survey (over 200)
Created by starsbleed2nite and taken 57128 times on bzoink!
What is your name?	Chantel
Are you named after anyone?	my middle name is my aunty's name... (she is somewhat insane and I partly take after her).
What's your screename?	Evil Angel
Would you name a child of yours after you?	Nup, I would name a child something... unique
If you were born a member of the opposite sex what would your name be?	Dunno
If you could switch names with a friend who would it be?	um... none of my friends have unique enough names...
Are there any mispronounciations/typos that ppl do w/ your name constantly?	Shantel
Would you drop your last name if you became famous?	I might just...
Basics
Your gender:	female
Straight/Gay/Bi:	straight
Single?	yes
If not, do you want to be?	I am already.
Birthdate:	21/3/90
Your age:	14 and 9 months
Age you act:	depends on my mood...
Age you wish you were:	old enough to have finished school and moved as far away from here as possible
Your height:	meh..
Eye color:	Hazel- they sort of change at times
Happy with it?	yeah, there weird but ok...
Hair color:	blonde/brown
Happy with it?	nup, I want my dark brown hair back!
Lefty/righty/ambidextrous:	mainly righty
Your living arrangement:	family
Your family:	mum, dad, brother
Have any pets?	yep dog- Emma and a hell of a lot of fish.
Whats your job?	pissing people off
Piercings?	ears
Tattoos?	not at the moment
Obsessions?	not so sure anymore
Addictions?	not mcuh anymore
Do you speak another language?	bits and peices of other languages
Have a favorite quote?	Can't remember (I know it's sad)*shakes head*
Do you have a webpage?	this one count? (can't be stuffed making another one).
Deep Thoughts About Life and You in it
Do you live in the moment?	I prefer to live in the past as you already know what has happened.
Do you consider yourself tolerant of others?	sometimes
Do you have any secrets?	to many
Do you hate yourself?	I one of those people that hate everyone and everything at time, yet at other times don't
Do you like your handwriting?	it's... ok
Do you have any bad habits?	I bite my nails if they crack...
What is the compliment you get from most people?	that I'm bloodthristy scary and evil... lol
If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called?	dunno
What's your biggest fear?	Of being classed insane and being thrown in a mental hospitial... I got that fear yesterday and It will pass in a few days...
Can you sing?	yes
Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool?	no...
Are you a loner?	In whos eyes? I'd say no, but I don't talk much and I prefer being on my own.
What are your #1 priorities in life?	to die
If you were another person, would you be friends with you?	maybe... It depends
Are you a daredevil?	not a daring as I used to be, but I am sort of a daredevil...
Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself?	to much...
Are you passive or agressive?	both... dependens
Do you have a journal?	yes... I don't write much as it will be ripped out at a later time... so I use it to write stories which may never be finished :S
What is your greatest strength and weakness?	Dunno
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?	That I lived so many years ago when I should of died...
Do you think you are emotionally strong?	stronger than most yes...
Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life?	yeah...
Do you think life has been good so far?	If this is suposed to be good I'd hate to know what bad is!!!
What is the most important lesson you've learned from life?	some words are better left unspoken.
What do you like the most about your body?	meh
And least?	fat... (there has been wars with friends over me believe that I am fatish...)
Do you think you are good looking?	nup
Are you confident?	sort of...
What is the fictional character you are most like?	the little kid from the grudge...
Are you perceived wrongly?	sometimes
Do You...
Smoke?	no
Do drugs?	no
Read the newspaper?	no
Pray?	no
Go to church?	no
Talk to strangers who IM you?	yes
Sleep with stuffed animals?	no
Take walks in the rain?	yes
Talk to people even though you hate them?	yes
Drive?	no
Like to drive fast?	one day I may but at the momnet i don't drive...
Would or Have You Ever?
Liked your voice?	I can't say I like or hate it...
Hurt yourself?	yes I have.. I have scars from hurting myself... kicking in walls cutting shapes into my arms...
Been out of the country?	no
Eaten something that made other people sick?	yes
Been in love?	no
Done drugs?	no
Gone skinny dipping?	dunno...
Had a medical emergency?	yes... I spend most my early years in hospitial
Had surgery?	may need it :S
Ran away from home?	no but think of runing away
Played strip poker?	no
Gotten beaten up?	sort off
Beaten someone up?	yes
Been picked on?	yes
Been on stage?	yes
Slept outdoors?	yes
Thought about suicide?	yes
Pulled an all nighter?	yes
If yes, what is your record?	meh
Gone one day without food?	many days
Talked on the phone all night?	yes
Slept together with the opposite sex w/o actually having sex?	yes
Slept all day?	no
Killed someone?	well if I had I wouldn't admit it to everyone who may come across my site
Made out with a stranger?	no
Had sex with a stranger?	no
Thought you're going crazy?	yes
Kissed the same sex?	yes ... only on the cheek
Done anything sexual with the same sex?	no
Been betrayed?	yes
Had a dream that came true?	yes
Broken the law?	yes
Met a famous person?	yes
Have you ever killed an animal by accident?	yes
On purpose?	No Comment
Told a secret you swore you wouldn't tell?	yes.. Someone told a secert of mine so I told one of theirs.
Stolen anything?	yes
Been on radio/tv?	yes
Been in a mosh-pit?	meh
Had a nervous breakdown?	think so... not so much nervous... but a breakdown...
Bungee jumped?	no
Had a dream that kept coming back?	still comes back... dreams are things from the future or past or things that are missing from our lives or our fears.
Beliefs
Belive in life on other planets?	yes
Miracles?	meh
Astrology?	some of it
Magic?	curses
God?	no
Satan?	yes
Santa?	no
Ghosts?	yes
Luck?	meh
Love at first sight?	meh
Yin and yang (that good cant exist w/o bad)?	no... never
Witches?	meh
Easter bunny?	no
Believe its possible to remain faithful forever?	no
Believe theres a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow?	no
Do you wish on stars?	yes
Deep Theological Questions
Do you believe in the traditional view of Heaven and Hell?	no
Do you think God has a gender?	there is no god!
Do you believe in organized religion?	no
Where do you think we go when we die?	to hell
Friends
Do you have any gay/lesbian friends?	meh
Who is your best friend?	Raye
Who's the one person that knows most about you?	Me
What's the best advice that anyone has ever given to you?	Hannah,,, suggestions on how to stop cut things into my arm... it wirks... thanx Hannah
Your favourite inside joke?	meh
Thing you're picked on most about?	meh
Who's your longest known friend?	that I still have.. Raye and Eileen... I would say Emma C, but I haven't seen her in 1.5 years
Newest?	Libby
Shyest?	meh
Funniest?	Crystal
Sweetest?	meh
Closest?	meh
Weirdest?	Danni, Raye
Smartest?	Raye and Eileen
Ditziest?	Raye
Friends you miss being close to the most?	Skye
Last person you talked to online?	Megan and Caroline
Who do you talk to most online?	Marian, Danni, Raye
Who are you on the phone with most?	Crystal
Who do you trust most?	Raye
Who listens to your problems?	meh
Who do you fight most with?	Crystal
Who's the nicest?	meh
Who's the most outgoing?	Mairan, Crystal
Who's the best singer?	Danni
Who's on your shit-list?	um... well Crystal was... but she isn't any more...
Have you ever thought of having sex with a friend?	no
Who's your second family?	my friends
Do you always feel understood?	no
Who's the loudest friend?	Tiffe
Do you trust others easily?	no
Who's house were you last at?	god I dunno... mine?
Name one person who's arms you feel safe in:	havn't found that person yet
Do your friends know you?	sort of
Friend that lives farthest away:	Joyce at the moment, she is visiting her home and is going back to live there in 2 years...
Love and All That
Do you consider love a mistake?	dunno
What do you find romantic?	meh
Turn-on?	meh
Turn-off?	smoking
First kiss?	none yet
If someone u had no interest in had interest in dating u how would u feel?	meh
Do you prefer knowing someone before dating them or going	I prefer to know them otherwise I don't talk to them..
Have u ever wished it was more socially acceptable 4 a girl 2 ask a guy out	not really
Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractiv	nup
Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking?	meh
What is best about the opposite sex?	meh
What is the worst thing about the opposite sex?	meh
What's the last present someone gave you?	necklace
Are you in love?	no
Do you consider your significant other hot?	I don't have one
Who Was the Last Person...
That haunted you?	to may people haunt me...
You wanted to kill?	Crystal
That you laughed at?	Crystal
That laughed at you?	Crystal
That turned you on?	no one
You went shopping with?	family
That broke your heart?	dunno
To disappoint you?	meh
To ask you out?	Mathew
To make you cry?	meh
To brighten up your day?	meh
That you thought about?	alot of people
You saw a movie with?	Osler and Marcus
You talked to on the phone?	Crystal (I swear I already answered this)
You talked to through IM/ICQ?	Megz
You saw?	Raye... (I have been advoiding people)
You lost?	Kate
Right This Moment...
Are you going out?	no
Will it be with your significant other?	no
Or some random person?	no
What are you wearing right now?	black jeans, black top with a white skull on it
Body part you're touching right now:	I'm touching the key board
What are you worried about right now?	nothing... wait! being thrown into a mental hospitial.. lol
What book are you reading?	dracular
What's on your mousepad?	Its a touch pad... I'm use a lap top so there is nothing on it.
Use 5 words to describe how you're feeling:	tired, insane, dizzy, empty, alone
Are you bored?	somewhat
Are you tired?	a bit...
Are you talking to anyone online?	no, I'm tring to take a while off msn and see how it goes...
Are you talking to anyone on the phone?	no
Are you lonely or content?	somewhere in the middle.. I feel alone yet I like to be alone...
Are you listening to music?	no, for the first tim in days I am not listening to my mp3 player and I am tring to see how I survive with out the depressing music
Create a Survey | Search Surveys | Go to bzoink!

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Monday, December 27, 2004

It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone

Something has been taken
From deep inside of me
A secret I've kept locked away
No one can ever see
Wounds so deep they never show
They never go away
Like moving pictures in my head
For years and years they've played

If I could change I would
Take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could
Stand up and take the blame I would
If I could take all the shame to the grave I Would

If I could change I would
Take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could
Stand up and take the blame I would
I would take all my shame to the grave

It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone

Sometimes I remember
The darkness of my past
Bringing back these memories
I wish I didn't have
Sometimes I think of letting go
And never looking back
And never moving forward so
There would never be a past

If I could change I would
Take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could
Stand up and take the blame I would
If I could take all the shame to the grave I
Would

If I could change I would
Take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could
Stand up and take the blame I would
I would take all my shame to the grave

Just washing it aside
All of the helplessness inside
Pretending I don't feel misplaced
Is so much simpler than change

It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone

It's easier to run
If I could change I would
Take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made

It's easier to go
If I could change I would
Take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could
Stand up and take the blame I would
I would take all my shame to the grave
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Saturday, December 25, 2004

don't worry, every day the end gets closer, every year means there is one less year to live through hope your christmas where better than mine was and fight free. buh byes.
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hmm... I used chat and hang out with friends all the time, now the older I get the less I talk to people.

walking the lonely road, the only road I have ever known.

every year just gets worse, ever day worse than the last. What should I say, others help turn me like this,
I feel that most people are trying to crack me, like my dad is tring to make me cry. My mum is dying and sometimes I can live with my brother, cause we have gone through similar things and other times he is annoying, out to bother people just so he can live another day, just like me.
I live off other's pain cause it help me forget about mine.

sometimes I laugh when nothing is funny to try and hide the pain, forget for a while, But I know that tomorrow will be no better than yesterday.

head full of pain and anger.
Sometimes when others are happy I can't stand it, it brings out anger and hate in me. So i feel the need to make someone cry.

I found one song which make me feel better at these times : black eyed peas (only if played really loud. any way I shall go and put a few songs on my MP3 player.

-evil angel
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Saturday, December 18, 2004

hmm...
odd... camp brought a few strange experiences. Weird curses, of which I saw proof that they work and yet I have no faith in them.

I hate the future and I hate the present. I wish that I could permently stay in the past. I basically already live in the past. I spend all free time (from both school and friends) woundering the streets, walking away from home (otherwise know as hell)Hoping that I shall not need to return.
I can just quit life. I would fail to many people, when things get really bad I just think of other people. Yet I wonder, is there not some way to change the past... erase all knowlegde of me and just disappear.

9:00 at night I am usually out, sometimes I come home at 11ish, I like the dark, it is peaceful cool and it gives me comfort in knowing that I can see no one and no one can see me.

I am tired of standing on the edge of a cliff, where I have been standing most my life. Just looking over the edge at the shark rocks. every car that passes I see as a one way ticket out of life. but I can not go.

grrr... I spend like 70% of my life acting fine, strange I prefer to face things in my own, I never really look for help, which is why I never know how to help someone who asks for my help. The only reason I bother to post this is to keep my site active. Most of my friends are always busy, don't have the net/ have limited acess to the net or are currently away/going away on holiday so may not read this. (alot visit my site maybe twice a year)

I have a headache so I shall go, not that that abnormal, as i always have a headache, pretty much...

l8r
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Saturday, November 27, 2004

totally nothing
there is so much I could write about, but I won't. So much I don't want people to know. I sort of feel that I'm floating towards hell and so far from human life.

bending the truth...

well exams are over, but things aren't any better. Are they worse? I don't know... I really can't feel anything anymore, maybe it's just cause I don't want to. So I'm just hanging around distant from everything around me.

watched final distination 2. For once I'll say I like that movie. Far fetched, fate. it sort of is true but death doesn't occur so offen even if you manage to get out of dying...

I sort of got a tan during english at skool... Me and some friends wagged so we just sat in the sun and now i have a tan line where me watch is on my wrist. *sigh*

other than studing and fretting over where i'll get A+ on my maths exam or not I have been drinking alot of pepsi (coke is currently unavailable). whlist such hyper drinks would usually bring out the insane side of me, now they have no effect.

I go walking alot these days... that way I don't need to spend so much time at home. So I hate the sun and love dark cold places, sacrfices must be made.

hmmmm... what else should I go on about to make it look like I'm writting alot when I'm not? I supose I should catch up with some people. But the truth is other than school I have sorta been advoiding contact with sane life forms.
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Thursday, November 11, 2004

quiz...
copied this from egill hobob site.
if you can be bothered fill it out in the comments.
1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. Do you have a crush on me?
5. Would you kiss me?
6. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
7. Describe me in one word.
8. What was your first impression [of me]?
9. Do you still think that way about me now?
10. What reminds you of me?
11. If you could give me anything what would it be?
12. How well do you know me?
13. When's the last time you saw me?
14. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
15. Are you going to put this on your journal and see what I say about you?
16. What song are you listening to right now?
17. Do you love me?
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