Thursday, September 1, 2005
|Today was rather boring. Despite the fact that school was going as it should, it was also a half day, so more time to waste at home on this computer. However, I just had to watch beyblade today...turns out it was the episode in Paris... |
Now, I should probably tell you that I have very interesting dreams. One dream in particular was that me and the rest of the bladebreakers were in Paris. They didn't know where to drive to, and I had to try and drive their van to get them to the place. We went by the Eifel Tower, and suddenly we weren't in a van anymore. We were walking up the many many stairs of the Eifel Tower, and finally we reached the top and were able to just look out at the beautiful capital of France. Me and Kai were next to each other, looking content. It was so peaceful...and it seems like (this may sound cliche) that it was just me and him. No one else in the world. And Paris didn't even exist anymore, even as we looked out into it.
But it saddens me a whole bunch. I have planned to never marry and to never ever even have a boyfriend. So, setting these up for myself, and being the stubborn person I am, I have to prove that I can live out single forever. But then it hurts, you know?
I'll never be able to stand with someone and feel content. Stand with that special someone and having only thm exist. Being in love...
Heh...now I'm starting to cry...
Maybe...if I knew that person would be looking out for me. Protecting me from harm, and always welcoming me with open arms. A perfect man...but I can't afford perfect...Now I think that that man is probably a pretty lonely person, too...
The pessimistic you The merciless you
And the self that loving you, What are you looking at?
With comparing and getting things high in proportions you scream out mad
You wanted this ending to happen
You must be a romanticist
But I just remembered that there is no love here
Over and over somewhere begins to break Please love me, this blood and the meaning
Please love me, this day and this value
gasp for breath
--Merciless Cult, Dir En Grey: Whithering to Death