Tuesday, December 21, 2004
|alright...I know...I've been neglecting my duties...I'm so sorry people! I...well...actually, I just haven't been feeling like updating. Not like I could do anything special. I mean...my computer is messed up and everything. It is so ANNOYING. |
Speaking of computer, I have been...what's the word...'grounded' from my computer. Why? Well, it bites...because...two of our animals ate some chicken bones. I'm crying inside. I can't believe I was SO stupid to leave those out. I should have known better! I'm still trying to get over my shock. I'm thinking ahead too...I dun wanna have to be the one everyone blames for our animal's death, if they die, which hopefully they won't. I just don't want that guilt of them dying on my mind...or on my heart.
To tell you the truth...:
I try to be heartless. It takes a lot to have to put up with the yelling and shouting and the accusations, but I have to try hard to ignore it. It's painful to be the fault of something, or to be the fault of someone/something's death...and to have to blow it off. It hurts deeply, you know? But I have to be heartless. I'm the only one in my family that is trying to comprehend death, the emotions, life, and all that stuff. It's hard to have to be constantly thinking of it, thinking and obsessing over death and life, black and white, relief and hurt...etc.
I think I need professional help...