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myOtaku.com: Death and Despair


Monday, November 15, 2010


This site will be used for rants.
I'm sick of all of this and I'm going to use this dead space however I feel fit. I'll keep the professionalism for the new "worlds" thing that I don't give a shit about.

It's funny how I've found this site again. I've changed quite a bit...so naive. To think that people can be helped! Do they really want to be? Everyone wearing masks. Brave faces, my ass.

I don't know what prompted me to start this site. I don't know if it was created to 'help' a friend or spy on them or to find a place to recreate myself. Regardless, it has always been for selfish reasons. But I guess that's all humans are so it's not surprising for me to act in such a manner.

But really what good is this? Typing to a world that only cares if you promise the proper etiquette in response, to visit their sites in return. It's ridiculous really. The only reason people visit other people is either out of politeness or true interest in the story-line. I'm sick of the charades. So I guess I'm writing this with the hopes that no one will read it but if I really meant it, I wouldn't post it. There are other ways of expressing yourself, so what is my goal here? irritated.

How many years must someone wish for death before it comes? Sure, there are ways to speed it along. So that's not the real goal either.

Why couldn't it have been me? What good am I to this world that someone much better suited to bringing order to life's chaos had to disappear. I'm not suited to grieve. I have no right to. I barely knew him but to watch the holes he's left behind and admit my helplessness is nearly unbearable. How much torture must life put a person through before it's over? I thought my darkest moments were the worst but they ended in truces. This has no conclusions. Someone vanishes and those left behind put on brave, unemotional faces. Why do they lie? Is that societies' fault? Or is it mine? Am I not worthy to witness their vulnerability? Have I not gained trust? If so, what can be done? I've waited patiently for weeks for an answer and in that time, you rain down more hardship! Bastard. As if one death wasn't enough.

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