Birthday • 1989-02-23 Gender •
Male Location • The States Member Since • 2005-05-10 Occupation • Collage Real Name • David
Personal
Achievements • Surviving Anime Fan Since • 1995 Favorite Anime • Inuyasha, Wolfs Rain, FullMetal Alchemist, Naruto, Fruits basket, and other Animes Goals • To become the best at a lot of things and to make up for past sins... Hobbies • Playing vid games, snowboarding, working out Talents • Soccer, some school work, having women attracted to me (sadly), so on...
myOtaku.com: DarkWolfDemon
Welcome to my site archives. 10 posts are listed per page.
Welcome to today.
Listening to: techno *shrugs* Its something
Feels: mixed + not too well
WARNING: This post is about relationship problem so if you don’t want to hear me bitch them just comment with something like “cool post ^^”.
Abit of history. I couldn’t get close to people, got close to a girl, asker her out (long distance relationship -_-‘), became bf & gf, fell in love, she broke up with me several times them not being my fault, about a year ago we just fell away from each other and didn’t talk for a long time for some reason, recently been getting into fights and making up and then fighting again and so on until now.
Ok; a few days ago I got into I got into a MAJOR fight with my x. After the fight I felt really good and then the next day I felt ok but alittle down and today I don’t feel good about it. It all started when I had a dream about me being at her house for some reason and I saw her coming and I ran to greet her only for her to yell in my face to leave her alone; I felt bad and sad about this so I asked her about what would happen if x, y, z to be reassured that she wouldn’t bite my head off and she said she would yell in my face. And from that things escalated big time. I was remembering all the good times we had and what she was like years ago.
I wrote a lot about how I felt she was unfair to yell at me and the mean things she said recently and while ago but before posting this I decided it would be a bad thing to talk about the person I loved in a bad way behind her back, even if you don’t know her or even if she doesn't know about this. But the thing above is just to talk about how I am feeling. Mean things were said and I would lie if I said I didn’t say my fair share of bad things; bad things from the past were brought up.
After the fight I deleted her from all my friend’s lists and bookmarks to things like videos of projects that I liked; I was going to go through and delete all of her messages and pictures I had of, for, and from her and the like but I decided to keep them around, at least for now. It’s hard to contemplate not talking to her ever again. She was the girl of my dreams; flaws yes but I could easily look past them to the person I loved. She was the woman I know I could come home from a hard day and her words would brighten up my day; I would run home to talk to her sooner, I would wake up at 5 am to reply to her before going to school, I would wait by the phone to get her calls (I remember once being woken up at 3 am by a call from her when I had a big exam the next day and I talked with her for an hour. I dreamt about her and loved her the most and trusted her the most, she was my all and my life, I just couldn’t wait till I had her by my side for a year or two and then ask her to marry me and have children and a loving family, now all that is far dead… To the truth I would like to talk to her again hopping we wouldn’t fight again and I would give my soul to talk to the woman I knew little over a year ago. I looked back at the messages she sent be at or near the last break up; I made her feel so bad… We had met in person shortly before and I was really busy and not paying attention her her or forgetting about her and…yah. I have been getting the fame feeling from her over the past few months so I know more about how she felt, and I disserve it. I still hold a grudge against her and some hatred, and I don’t mean to sound like a pussy, but I would be able to forget that if she said sorry , then I would and I would love to hug her or something.
*sighs*
It still hurts not being with her; I worry about her everyday like a parent, I miss her like a dog misses their master, I yearn for her like one lover to another. She gave me a purpose in life, gave me the air to breath and the will to live. I remember posting here every day spending atleast one paragraph if not all of the post about how much I loved this woman and how great she made me feel every day; the otaku has so many memories, a lot of them her’s. Though I guess I should move on and not talk to her every again and look for other women; but I highly doubt any woman would make me feel like this woman made me feel.
Its hard trying to get someone you love’s attention when they decide to do everything else before talking to you and during the rare time they pay attention you get hurt…
I will hopefully post something better next time and hopefully next time is soon.
Welcome to today.
Listening to: Nothing really
Feels: Good
Hey; sorry about not posting in forever. I have been busy with exams.
Big thing happened tonight. I got in a major fight with my X and now I stoped talking to her and cut all connections with her. I feel abit bad but I actually feel pritty good. I lost my feeling for her and right now I feel happy. ^^
Welcome to today.
Listening to: new rammstein music
Feels: meh…
Hey; Arcticfoxdemon, I cannot find you on facebook or other things.
Ok, another post. I have a statics exam on Thursday on which I know nothing about; wish me luck. I do not like statics because it’s confusing, even if the teacher knew how to teach.
It is snowing here which is pretty to look at but it will be hard to walk through and it will suck to go home at 9 pm when it’s dark, snowy, and cold. -_-
I am going to go buy Assassins creed 2 on Tuesday and next week I am going to go home for thanksgiving next week.
I am not feeling too well lately; I feel abit suck but also feel down. I guess I complain a lot here but it’s because I use this to get out most inner feelings and thoughts so I don’t feel so bad when I get out and do things. I am not depressed; just would like a week of rest, a hug, a long talk with a close friend, be able to know someone is alright, hours of sleep, and be able to get back to work at the need of the week.
In more news a friend of mine named Wolftrest is in a contest and needs views to win. So please watch the videos and watch them twice for good luck. ^^
Go to:
http://wolftrest.deviantart.com/art/Go-Green-143214195
Welcome to today.
Listening to: new rammstein music
Feels: meh…
Hey; Arcticfoxdemon, I cannot find you on facebook or other things.
Sorry for not posting in forever. Not too much has happened.
Went to see a friend at the mall and had fun. Made up with an old friend and am trying to help with day to day things. I have had several exams and I have another one on Wednesday and a quiz on Tuesday. Wish me luck!
I have been working out a lot lately. Building muscle, building endurance in my muscle and definition, and working on my running.
I have been feeling up and down lately; sometimes because of the news, sometimes because of collage, sometimes because of friends, sometimes because of hormones, sometimes because I just am. I hope I can stabilize in the happy zone soon.
Now time for: “Obama corner”
Obama=bad socialist government and massive debt
Remember socialism didn’t work for Russia, East Germany, and all other counties that have tried it.
Obama wants socialism is that right?
Read between the lines and ask yourself if what they say is true. Oh and did you know that Obama owns the newspapers, has all but fox news in his pocket, and is fighting to take control of radio and the internet; let your voice be heard.
This video shows us how deep the pockets Obama believes America has.
And this; it might be hard to hear but lets see how Mr. Overlord uses children to make his point (yes it is probibly staged)
EDITTTTTTT: MUST SEE VIDEO FROM AN OLD FRIEND!!! GO WATCH IT!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=54EPUdYKyyc
Sorry for not posting in forever...again. I always tell myself to post and when I get to the computer I forget, put it off to the last min, or say I will to it tommorow. I will try to post on Tuesday. Good luck!
Welcome to today.
Listening to: …*shrugs*
Feels: happy and then down then better
Hey; Arcticfoxdemon, I cannot find you on facebook or other things.
I have been working out hard today and I will be sore tomorrow but I will be stronger. I was good but then I felt down. Today it seems like God is taunting me, if he exists he has been sending me messages that are not fun to the eyes or ear.
My mother did come over and we did have some fun. We went out to see a movie and eat at restaurants. A few days ago I got pissed at my watch and threw it a few times, and now it is broken; the thing kept on falling off and I just couldn’t take it anymore. -_- Also my temper has gotten worse and it’s so hard trying to control it with life, collage, friends, family, and the other thing that is putting some weight on my head. Sometimes I am not angry at things and then other times people and things just piss me (rage but controllable) off for no reason.
Do you think things should be kept in the past or be let out bit by bit and try to live life with it?
Is it better to let things out(problems) or keep them inside you?
Also, if you think everything if your fault does that make you self-centered?
Another fact about me is that I feel like rape is probably one of the worst crimes that could be committed. I would want all rapists to have their genitals chopped off and then tortured and publically executed. I also hate gangs.
Here is a funny and short video to lighten things up.
Welcome to today.
Listening to: Rammstein
Feels: mixed
NOTE: Something in this will make you think ill of me but this is coming from the darker side of me so please don't give me shit on it.
On the solid note I got a lot of work done today. Only one class today and it snowed, its pretty early for snowing this year. I think MyO might be getting back up but I am unsure. I need to study more because this collage stuff is complicated and I don’t know too much of it but want to keep my grades up. I got my hair cut and it was cut too short; but the worse thing of all is that people cannot stop complimenting the hair that I think is too short. Also I saw Zombieland and it was a pritty good movie.
Right now I miss my ex. She was my better half, give or take a half. Right now I am split between me missing her, me not wanting to have anything to do with her, and my other side wanting bad things to happen. It really is messy when you have many thoughts, emotions, personalities. The side that is missing her wants to go back to the carefree times of high school when our love was in full swing or was a cute happy love; another wants to just move on and do homework and work out and maybe find a girl that isn’t really bad looking; and the other wants to do what happened on episode 4 & 5 of Helling Ultimate (vampire & other Nazis attack London and wreak havoc), hey he/I am a dark evil bastard. (but you have to admit he is very charismatic, even more than Obama if that’s hard to believe) That girl I loved so much usually kept the dark side of me suppressed but without her well, it’s hard to resist at night.
Fighting is just so simple; you do as you are told and kill till you have used up your worth and die. Fighting is just something I thought I was created to do. But when I found love it was like all that was washed away and my purpose and life was to protect her and make her life as good as I can. (that sentence makes me sound like a stalker -_-)
I hate having a strong imagination. I don’t like to think of “certain” things and yet it will force me to think them in vivid detail (and I am not meaning like icky things like men shaving, more like bad things like crimes on people I care about). It is like a day nightmare.
I took this quiz on facebook and for the love of god it hit the nail on the head for me, or got a good jist of me. (probably except on the last part)
You're wrathful or very passionate. It's not just being mad or angry, it's being in a state of hatred or even a passion. An event has made you see clearly at the cause but blinded at the effects. Pain has been inflicted on you either physically, emotionally, or spiritually. It could be that you encountered a loss. Something has made you exposed and vulnerable. The only way you feel that you can overcome it is to show that you can win, that you are better. Whether it be for revenge or anything else, make sure that it doesn't tear you up inside. Maybe it's just a passion. The thrill of being on top, the adrenaline rush of knowing that it's just you and the world. Just look around you and see the other things that you have ignored.
PS: I still think democrats are messing things up.
Welcome to today.
Listening to: Disturbed
Feels: Super fucking angry
Right now I am furious at my ex. I try to help her with something and she keeps telling me how I am childish. And apparently she cares about me or so she says. Yah; does caring mean when someone is suicidal the person say “whatever”; what the fuck is that!?! I have given up my hopes that she gave two shits about how I am and what is worse is that I worry a lot about her. Curse the god that made me feel this way about a woman that doesn’t care anything about me!
I somehow spent 4 hours talking to her while I have a hard exam tomorrow. Never trust your feelings with love! I would have given my life for that girl in a heartbeat, I turned down many women for her without a second thought, I worried about her days and nights and sometimes weeped in my sleep because I missed her and wish she had a better happier life. She was my purpose in life and was my life; I loved that woman like more than I think most people ever love another person. A hole created by that much love and then ripped out leaves you hollow. Even a year after we broke up I still wished her a good life and wish to be her boyfriend again. But right now I hate her. I cannot believe I would give my life to some woman who doesn’t ask me what’s wrong when I am beside myself and wishing death to come soon. I still wish for death but right now I want to take a lot of people with me; and yes I am influenced by my other self.
I told that woman that I am not going to be the one coming back, if she wants to talk to me again I told her to send me a message. I bet it could be a thousand years in the future and I would not ever hear from her again if I waited for her to contact me.
God will screw you, love will screw you, life will screw you; so say fuck it and screw life as hard as you can!
I guess her life is in the devil's hands.
I guess I am going to drink a whole bottle of vodka, cut myself, and rub salt in my wounds to taste the flavor. Wish me luck on the exam if I have not killed myself by tomorrow morning.
Sorry for not posting in awhile…again. I have ether been really busy or forgotten to post.
A bunch of things have happened over the past while. One big thing is that I had 3 long weeks with only one weekend. But I got past that week and now the weeks feel easier so I should rest and catch up.
This post will be about someone I know a lot about and is close to…well…was close too…
She is a woman I have known for more than 4 years. We became quick friends and then became boyfriend and girlfriend and then lovers (by that I mean I fell for her) and have been an on off relationship for 3 years. About a year ago we broke up and then we have been apart for that time; apparently I was the one that broke up with her. And over this time we have either been friends or not talking to each other because ether we fought or we just plain didn’t talk to each other. We have fought recently but its been about her needing to vent her problems instead of keeping them inside. I cannot see how it is healthy to keep problems and we fought and then stopped talking to each other. And her friend is yelling at me even when I do nothing. -_-
I hate it because I yearn to talk to her because talking to her usually makes me happy but then we usually argue about something and then we hurt each other. I wish I could talk to her without us arguing; I love her a lot but also want to help her, I just wish I could help her and talk to her without us arguing.
We drove to Colorado and we set up the apartment. I have been really busy with classes. I have a law class from 6pm to 9pm Mondays and calculus many days and a geology class and a statics class. The statics class looks tough and so far is tough. I am going to be busy this semester with these classes. I hope to be able to post more and to visit your sites.
I am trying to be more social by going out more and introducing myself to people and being more friends. Its hard. -_-
I messed up big time recently. I got in a bunch of fights with Wolftrest. If you don’t know she is my x-girlfriend and yet the person I love the most. I feel like I make her sad and mad so what I am doing is not talking to her; hopefully she gets better. *sighs* I miss her already… What I wouldn’t give to hold her and be held by her.
Sorry its late and I got an early class tomorrow.
NO VIDEO TODAY
PS: any suggestions for a new theme or music for my site?
