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Thursday, December 16, 2004

My life sucks at this moment. Thats why i aint been updating for a while...probably wont up-date again for a while. Bye.
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Monday, December 13, 2004

Ok, things at BL couldnt have taken a shittier twist if it wanted too. You wouldn't believe whats happening -.-; alot of the Mods, have for some fucked up reason, decided to try and 'bring down BL'. Emmm is it just me, or is that really sad? And guess who the main people behind this are, Ya Mum and QC, and you know why they are doing this? Because they got banned from BL. I mean, pfft, please, go get a life you sad mother fuckers. All these people, were guna hack into staff accounts (and im apart of the staff at BL) and just mess with BL. SAD!!! Sorry, but it is. Luckily, all those Mods who were part of that plan got banned and their Mod status taken away. So they can't do much now anyway heh.

Happy Birthday Broken Blade. I'll go make something for ye B-Day now ^.~ Have a great one hun ok. Ok here they are, i found some cool piccys hehe. I know how much of a perv ye are, so i went around and got some pics of Aeris and Tifa ^^ enjoy BB:

Hehe this one is cute:

And this one is for me haha, you know i had to:

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Friday, December 10, 2004

Why cant i sleep
This aint fair. I cant sleep! I told Mai, that i was tired, i gathered i was, cos i kept yawning like every two seconds. But i went to bed, and guess what i did? Lay there for fucking 3 hours! Thats all i done. And i was still yawning. I mean, come on! I cant believe it. Grrr, my sleeping pattern it TOTALLY fucked up! I usually end up going to bed about 9am (takes about 2 hours to fall asleep), and waking up about 9pm. But this time, i didnt even go to sleep! Im sorry. Im just really fustrated with this all. I wish i woulc sleep normal patterns -.-; *sigh*

Broken Blade ~ Im sorry that im taking so long with this story hun. But, i feel totally fucked up at the moment. I aint sleepin right, i've been stressed out, and depressed. But the main thing is...I CANT DAMN WELL THINK OF A STORYLINE TO IT! *Sigh* but dont worry, i will get it done. I promise ok. Sorry again.

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Thursday, December 9, 2004

Hate Me
Let the rage build within you,
And hate my very being.
The fact that i am alive,
The reason, that i am me.

Back stab me and kick me,
Spit on me and curse me.
Let me know i am twisted,
I am your weaker, more superior equal.

Let your hate turn into obsession,
Your obsession into wanting,
Your wanting into craving,
Your craving into needing.

Make me feel that hate, that need.
The fire that burns inside you.
Make me feel...
Just...Make me feel.

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Wednesday, December 8, 2004

8000 Visits
Once again, you people who visit me must be insane XD and i know half of you really are *points finger* so no denying it lmao. Well i couldnt be assed to actually make a thank you thingy (how lazy am i!) but i did search and found some pretty niffty things. Aint they pretty with the way they sparky and shit haha.

And this one is just to make my post and little more...yummy haha.

Whoohoo Reno *drools* hottie. Once again thankies mucho *hugs you all oh so tight* you lot are the best ^.~

And heres a poem i wrote straight from my heart (how corny). No rythme, no structure. But it pretty much explains why i havent been in the best of moods as of late:

A Meaning

Morning to night,
Night to morning.
Nothing changes,
Only the time.

I have no reason to wake,
I have no reason to sleep.
Its all mechanics,
My internal clock has died.

Wandering around,
Aimlessly wandering.
Will i find it?
Can i grasp it?

What do you wish to grasp?
A meaning.
A meaning to what?
A meaning to my being.
Did you lose your old meaning?
No, i never had one.
So why do you need one now?
Because, my world has stopped moving for me.
I need to make it move again.

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Tuesday, December 7, 2004

I ain't really in the mood to talk. I have just been yelling at a 'friend' for the past God knows how long. I've been in a non-talkative mood for ages, those on msn would have seen that. If you know me on msn, i'm sorry. But i'm in a pissed off and depressed mood. And if i end up talking with someone, i will more then likely just end up yelling at them. Sorry about how self-centered i sound at the moment. But i'm really saying this for your safey and sanity, not mine.

PS: I hope ye like the new theme. Kinda shows how i feel inside, blank.

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Sunday, December 5, 2004

This Beauty
T'is something straight from the heart. This piece is dedicated to me all-out favourite gal; Sephy. We've been through the best, and the worse.
Ye be me best gal, sugar. <3


She is beautiful, so very beautiful.
Like a winter's shining landscape,
As delicate as the petals of a rose,
And as freely as the eagle soaring against the blue…

Her eyes are as mysterious as the calm sea;
Everything about her is so very precious.
More precious than all the gems in the world.
Her sole is the essence of the sky and earth;
Her feelings are a diary that is yet to be read.
Her smile is the smile of a lost innocence…

Pain vibrates deep inside of her gentle heart;
A lock shuts in the disturbed thoughts of her mind,
A mind with as many roads as the world beholds.
I look at her and I see a pure truth,
Like a glimpse of the clear night sky,
Millions of stars twinkle within her.

She is beauty as I defined it,
She is perfect, and her imperfections make her so.
She is a best friend, and I love her.
I love her although, not because.

And I would give up all the things,
Which I think are beautiful,
If only I can hold her beauty within me,
For she is everything in this world,
And I have found a world in her.



This was written by my gal Val all to me *sniff* aint it sweet? And the this poem is part of my intro *points to piccy* she sent me that with the poem on it. So thats where this theme come from. Val i love ye my very special gal <3 sorry about being all mushu mushy, but when she sent me this i was soo happy, tears in me eyes ^^

If you want to see me and Val act all lovey dovey towards eachother, then go to this site ^.^ aint she sweet? I am SOO writing her a poem.
Me and Val acting all lovey dovey.

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Saturday, December 4, 2004

My Mask
You cannot see me,
Even though i wither up in pain.

You cannot hear me,
As i scream till my lungs bleed.

You cannot taste me,
You only taste my sweet poison.

You cannot feel me,
Wandering hands don't change me.

Your lost and speechless,
As my numbness starts to spread.

Like so many pure diseases,
You don't feel my coldness.

You refuse to believe,
That my defense can be so high.

You still try and fail,
To bring me back to feeling.

I will never remove this mask.


This was written, after thinking about someone...although they've changed now. But...yeah. Sorry i aint been around much, kinda bleh.

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Thursday, December 2, 2004

Finally finished my 'homework' ok well i didnt finish really. I was meant to make up 16 boxes by Thursday at about 4pm. Well i had 13 done Wednesday, but never got to finish the rest, because some man (from the factory) came and took them abit earlier then expected. So yeah, not sure how much money i'll get now -.-;hope it aint too little, i was hoping to buy people prezzies with that money.

One thing really bugged me about this work though. MY DAD!! He was always yelling at me, "Your not up early enough" "You dont get enough done". Everything i done was wrong! I got REALLY pissed off him yesterday. He always complains about me not doing any work, and then when i do, im still muffing up some how -.-; Gezz.

But im glad its all over heh, now i can start my fic ^^ and BB i hope your up for this challenge, cos now im guna make it extra steamy ^.~ hehe. Hope ye can keep up.

You know what? Im tired, i got woke up -.-; i hate bein woken up, i like waking up at my own time. Cos now im guna be tired the whole day, blah. Hope ye day is going well.

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Wednesday, December 1, 2004

Colds Will Be The Death Of Me
Ack, i couldn't breath at all last night. I'm completely stuffed up -.-; seriously me and colds dont mix well, actually im sure no one mixes well with them XD

Ohh and the whole day i'm guna be doing my 'homework'. I started quite late last night, so didnt get too much done. So, im guna have to cram everything into today -.-; bleh how boring. But at least im home haha.

Also you know i was guna write a one-shot fic of ZelosxLloyd (well some do anyway). I think i might scratch that, and write an actual lengthy fic. Obviously yaoi XD but incest as well (KratosxLloyd). So i'll be working on that as well hehe ^^

And lastly, i finished Tales of Symphonia last night ^^ ahhh i love the ending. And the good thing, you dont have to kill Kratos ^^ well you beat him, but then Yuan saves him. YAY hes still alive *does a little dance* but hes on Derris Kharlan -.-; bleh haha XD anyway im off before i fall too far behind on 'homework'.

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