I can't believe it's been over two years! I'm so sorry, everyone... I really wish I had a good reason for my absence, but I don't. It was my own selfish weakness that had caused me to give up on everything. I was going through a deep depression and I just couldn't bring myself to come on here anymore. I felt as though I didn't have the energy to do anything during that time. It was a challenge just getting out of bed in the morning (though I think that was mostly due to the nightmares that would visit me often in the night). Headaches were far too common because of the lack of a good sleep, and my body suffered along with my mind because of it. It was a horrible feeling, and the effort it took to cover up the fatigue only exhausted me further. Why did I try to hide it? Because I didn't want my mother to worry. But I think she knew that something was bothering me. She didn't come out and ask what it was, but she did know enough to try and cheer me up as best as she could. It helped a little, but the weight of my own worries was always there to bring me back down again. I appreciated her trying, though.
I'm happy to say that the depression lessened greatly once I moved to America. I stayed with my dad for a while. He and his girlfriend were very good to me, my brother and mother, something that I'm still very grateful for. I love my dad; he deserves all the happiness in the world. *Smiles* I also had the chance to spend some time with Michael, my eldest brother, who took us to all sorts of places. The cool thing about him, is that he always had a way of making the most dull activities into something fun. He and my dad are alike in that way; they really are quite the characters.^_^
So yeah, we enjoyed being with our family in Michigan, but when things started to get a little complicated (family issues. Everyone has them, right?), the three of us (me, my brother and mother) moved to New Hampshire at my aunt's request. I do feel guilty about how things happened just before we left; I could have handled the situation a lot better. But since I can't change something that's already happened, the best thing I can do is to make up for my mistakes in whatever way I can. I do try to phone my dad whenever I can, and it's our hope to move back to Michigan soon.
I don't have a computer of my own yet, but my cousin was kind enough to let me borrow hers (God bless that woman!). I'm still not sure what I'm going to do here... but I do know that I can't fully embrace theotaku with the way things are now. Most of my time is taken up studying (unfortunately), and I'm also looking for a job, something that will take up even more of my time. I'd really like to be here with you guys again, but I don't know if I can make that happen...
Again, I'm so sorry for disappearing like I did. It was selfish, and stupid, and I'm very disappointed in myself... I know it's asking too much, but I do hope you can all forgive me. If not, then I hope to make it up to you some day...
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I'm Sorry