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Birthday 1993-06-14 Gender
Female Location Oregon Member Since 2007-01-26 Occupation I'm a Sophomore now! Yea! Real Name
Achievements Still being alive, and actually being at least moderately good at a shooting game. Oh, and my drawing is way better than it used to be :D Anime Fan Since Since I was about five, 'cause I used to love watching Pokemon Goals Finding somewhere I belong, being happy, opening my own all-anime-and-manga store, become an author, and learn how to speak Japanese, Latin, and German fluently. Hobbies Writing, drawing, thinking, daydreaming, playing Halo 3. Talents All the above hobbies. [Except maybe Halo]
Welcome to my site archives. 10 posts are listed per page.
I'm...Back...? Sure....Let's Just Go With That....
Hello my people! I've been gone for so long. D: Damn you gaia and your addictablility....(I know it's not a word, dammit, but I don't care) Anyway, the main reason I haven't been on is because I've been waiting out for V.V., but that's just to damn long...so I'm here! And I'm going to try to be on here for at least half and hour everyday of the week whether you like it or not, dammit!! ...Hopefully you like it. I'm gonna visit everyone's site whenever there's a new....post. Yay!
Now for some update-type things...a LIST I say!:
-My drawings and coloring skills have gotten much better since last you've seen! Even with my Photo-shopping skills! >:D
-I can actually paint now! I love you intro to art!! (not literally)
-I am MARRIED! (to my friend Melissa, she's one of my closest friends) ...as a joke. Did I freak any of you out?
-I am restarting my manga Replismnant (or however the hell you spell it, I can't remember...) because the older version is crap. The storyline is almost exactly the same, but the characters are different and the art is better! :]
-I'm making a mini comic series called "The Mini Adventures of Ai and Ryken" in my spare time while I'm having a bad artist's block with my other manga.
-Ja-san is so totally almost completely glompable! (...I just have to find the right time when to do so...)
-MY SCHOOL YEAR ONLY HAS 65 MORE DAYS IN IT! WHOO!
I'll add more later in a different post...
Anyway, I must say, my life has really turned around since only a WEEK ago. The reason why? Easy. I finally have cast my own charm, against myself. I don't really know how I could explain everything, so I won't. I'll just say I locked my pain, soul, and emotions into a stone. It's made me sooo much better. And when I mean my soul, I mean the empty part of it. I still show and feel the emotions, but they are all under control not. I don't feel empty anymore, I don't become sad randomly, and I don't feel sad that I really don't belong. It makes me happy that I don't belong now. It means I can get along with everybody, no matter what type of person it is. My life has become great. I love magic, and now I completely KNOW for SURE I love Ja-san. Not in the way I used to, where him being with anyone else made me sad, or me always asking why I wasn't with him and such. I now know that was my envy, my jealousy. Not the kind that most people feel, but something different. It makes you feel inferior, as though you are not good enough, but it's all over with. The spell has opened my eyes to why exactly I love him. I used to really just not know. Now I do. Finally my life can begin again!
On another note, I have thoroughly dismissed Christianity as my religion. I just don't believe in it as what's for me. It really doesn't have my kind of thinking. Maybe I'll look into pagan and wiccan. And buddism. I belive those might be more for me. Especially since I don't really believe God is the great guy everyone thinks he is and I don't believe Lucifer is such a bad guy either. Those are just my beliefs. Though, I haven't told my parents, nor Ja-san for that matter. I'll tell them when I think it's the right time. I'm not as edgy with my convertion with my parents, since they of course will understand, but with Ja-san I'm not so sure. I believe it'll change something from what I've had in experience with him. Acacia had tarot cards (as do I now) and he called them satanic and evil, even though I stated that that is what she believes in. He still called it satanic and evil. Ja-san also didn't seem happy when he found out I had my own tarot cards which I use on a regular basis. (I hid it from him...)
Well, since I'm on the topic of Ja-san, I must say we've gotten much closer. And some strange happenings have occured. Let me tell them to you:
-On Valentine's Day, he gave me a RockStar. <3 Yay. It's not much, but for him to actually think of buying my ANYTHING makes me happy.
-He's come over about a million times since Christmas. Three times in was week! Seriously!
-Oh, did I mention he gave me Naruto Clash of the Ninja for Christmas?
-Also, he actually COMES to the emo bridge in the morning! YAY! (The emo bridge is a bridge in our small courtyard in the middle of our school. It's next to a pond, over a dried up creek. I don't remember why, but I started calling it that, and thus everyone now calls it)
-I went to his birthday party! YAY! He loved his present of three Rockstars and $26 (My mom and dad think it's 16, though, cause they said I couldn't give him an extra 10. Of course I did anyaways)
-He seems to smile when I call his name. He did so when I called out it his while I was sitting on the emo bridge.
-This is probably the weirdest thing, but while he's playing harvest moon on his SP (he's a girl in the game and has husband, lol) I was watching (I was utterly bored -_-) and saw that one of the cows he had in the game was name Haley. An actually spelt that way too. I find it really funny, endearing, annoying all at the same time. What do you think of this? It was weird...though...I didn't say anything...
Oh, and before I go, I must say, thanks for reading the whole post if you did. ^^; It turned out longer than expected. Also, I'm going to be changing my layout. What should I change it to?
Happy New Year's Eve Everyone!
Everyone ready to act like five-year-olds on a 10-pound candy high?! Everybody ready to watch a whole ass-load of anime and get off your un-crazy-making meds?! GOOD! Cuz I am! >:D
So now for a completely random and probably LONG update, lol. I'm so completely mentally hyper at the moment I can seriously just write FOREVER! WHOO! Well, yeah, I could, but I won't. XD I'll post each news/event-thingie seperately so tis easier to read. :O
Well, first off, it seems my getting deleted from Neko.Lover's list was a complete mistake! HOORA!!! *glomps Neko* I completely forgive you Neko-chan! ^_^ I'ma very understanding person even though I don't usually seem it! xD And you don't need to say sorry anymore. One sorry's enough for me!
We finally got my cat, Cil (pronounced Sill) fixed. 0_0' I was hoping we wouldn't so maybe she had a chance of having kittens. -,-,'' Also, it seems as though even when it's winter she shedding everywhere. ^^; Just giving her one small pat makes hair fly everywhere. Though, it could be just the fact that we can't let her outside until the stitches are removed...
Ja-san came over the 23rd. :O It was really fun, though I almost fell asleep on the couch while he was playing games on the computer... One thing that was odd though, was the fact that I was wishing the computer wouldn't work so he wouldn't be able to spend the whole time on there. And it kinda happened too! He wanted to get on the internet, and it wasn't working! o.< But, the next day it WAS working. Weird huh? It was really fun though... xD I won against him in ping-pong, and then we started smacking the ping-pong balls around the room trying to hit each other with them. I ran into a different room, and when I was running out of it to get away, he was already right there. He scared the CRAP out of me, and I fell over laugh hysterically. He was completely confused about that. xD
4)I finally seem to be getting out of my drawer's block, at least a little bit. I've been having it since about October... -,_-,' Though, I can really only draw chibis at the moment for some reason. Haha.
5)So how was everyone's Christmas(holiday)? ^^ Mine was great. I got some great stuff and I loved giving what I did. It made people from my family happy. Although, I wanted to get Ja-san something for Christmas, but I didn't know what... -.-;; Guys are really hard to buy for, y'know? It really matters what are their interests to get the right thing. Unlike girls, where you can get the jewelry and they're happy. Even I like necklaces and I'm a tomboy. It just depends on how we girls dress to what kind of jewelry to get us. Seriously.
6)Oh, you know what I find oh-so-cute? Well, when a guy helps you pick out a Christmas gift for your mom (a type of jewelry) and is proud of it and starts showing it to everyone saying he helped pick it out. Yes, Ja-san did that. Me, him and the youth-group went to the mall, and my dad had given me money for a gift for my mom. And my mom really like the bracelet he help pick out. Lol. Yeah, and when we were at the mall we stuck together it was really fun, even though I got stuck in a video-game store for about an hour-and-a-half while he was standing there playing on the sample Wii they had. x-x It killed me since it was RIGHT before we were going to go eat.
After we ate and everything (I paid :D) we went to go ice-skating. Both of us were going to pay for our own tickets. And it was weird cuz just as he was about to buy his ticket I thought, 'wouldn't that be a surprise if he also bought my ticket?' Well, he looked at me for a second and asked for "two tickets". TWO. Holy shit was I shocked, I couldn't even speak. Well, and what made it even MORE confusing was seeing my friend Justin there. @_@ I was once again speechless cause I was so confused....
7)Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you what I got for Christmas huh? Well, I'll just tell the most awesome ones. AND, I want to know what were YOUR top-ten fave gifts YOU got. These will go in order of least greatness to most greatness...
10* These awesome, extremely colorful toe-socks I got from my aunt and uncle. I've been wanting some socks like that, so that's why they're in my top-ten!
9*Bookstore giftcards! I got two of them, but they're staying in the same place. :O And it's kinda funny but at the moment I can't find the gift cards. xD
8* I got a watercolor set from a cousin, but it's not that high on the list cause I can't really watercolor for my life at the moment but I'm going to try... |O
7* These really nice headphones that block out sound. I can hook them up to the comp and my mp3, so that way I don't have to turn the volume up really high.
6* This really awesome bag I got from my cousin Lindsey, and some sketchbooks. I'll need to show you what the bag looks like. :P Tis AWESOME!
5* An acryllic painting set, with about 12 different acryllic paint colors. ._. I've never had them before, and never bought them because they're so dang expenseive!
4* A set of 48 Prismacolor Preimer colored pencils!! 0_0 I was so extremely surprised when I got them from one of my aunts on Christmas I about keeled over! I love those colored pencils!
3* The Xbox 360 my bro and I got. :P Gotta love the Xbox 360
2* I got one of those conputer-pad-things to where you can use a pen or pencil on the comp or something like that. It's called Bamboo Fun and it cam with a photoshop! And, yes, this comes before the 360!! But~~it will NEVER come close to #1!
1* And the best gift I got for X-mas: HALO 3! You've noticed the profile and layout change, right? I'm obsessed with Halo, and it's MY game! Also, yes, this gift comes before the Xbox 360 any day!
So now my questions to you after an EXTREMELY long post! Good thing I don't post all that often! Lol.
1~What were your top-ten (or five) fave gifts you got during the holidays?
2~How've you been?
3~Didja miss me! ;D
4~How do you like the song "Cheer Up Emo Kid"? (Tis below)
And here's gotta be the most PWNAGE emo song in the entire world! Enjoy!
Extremely Large Update
Well, I'm here I guess...
Since my absence I've seemed to have missed quite a lot, like how VV is going, and what's up with all my friends. :[ I'm really sorry I just disappeared and when I said I'd enter a contest, I didn't. I was extremely busy and stuff. And during that absence, something happened to pp444...what exactly. @_@ I'm extremely confused.
But what's even worse about coming back and not knowing what is even going on, is that I lost a really good friend. Neko.Lover has seemed to deleted me from her friends list. ;-; And she was one of my closest friends on here....it makes me want to cry.
Of course, I totally want to glomp every last one of you who didn't dismiss me as a friend for being absent and are reading this post right at this moment. :'] You guys are the bestest ever in the whole wide world.
The reason I have been absent for EXTREMELY long periods of time...
For one, high school has been giving me homework I'm not doing until the very last minute so my parents have restricted my computer access. (Though, I still get about ten minutes to sneak onto it every other day, lol)
Two...I've kinda become obsessed with gaiaonline at the moment. :| Idk what it is, but I just keep playing it more and more. It's really weird. I can't believe I've already 20 REAL bucks on the place. And all they are is ban-happy. -_-;; They ban anyone from hacking other people's accounts, to LITIRALLY banning someone who bought a stolen item without knowing it. It's becoming ridiculous. Seriously. The Mods just have to keep defending themselves when they ban innocent people.
I've been have troubles lately. A lot of them. I'm gonna rant on under this...
I'm so very empty at the moment, I really don't know what to think about it. Just the other day, I was just about ready to run away the next day. (Of course, I didn't, and I'm not going to) Want to know why? Well, if you don't, deal with it.
I don't know how long ago this was, but my mom was stressed out talking over the phone about house our lakehouse had flooded because of that really huge storm. She told me to do something, which I didn't do for the fact I had no idea what the HELL she was saying.
Then, awhile later she found I didn't do said thing, and when she was walking to the kitchen I could hear her say, "These kids are just worthless," I got really upset at that and went to my room and broke down.
Now, it seems as though that's something really small to get all worked-up about, but it isn't to me. It's a gigantic deal. I've never said this to anyone or ever posted it, but it's the thing that scares me most. It's my one and only fear. Rejection. Being of no use. It's the only fear I have ever really had. That one simple sentence literally broke my soul to pieces. And that coming from my MOM?! That made it even worse. I broke down on the floor in my room, and I can swear on the Holy Bible, that after feeling my heart shatter, it took me probably an entire hour to finally get back onto my feet.
My soul had gotten so screwed up by that, that it seems I can't really do simple activities right anymore. It hurts so much right now, I almost can't take it, but since I'm so used to it, I bearly feel it anymore.
My soul is just plain shattered, at times, mostly in school, I go around doing everything I normally do, yet I can feel it. I can feel how empty I am. While I walk to my classes nowadays, I can feel my soul slip away, because my eyes glaze over with no focus. Not only that, but I just don't think. Literally. I'm just walking through the halls with bearly a thought in mind. It's scary, but no one seems to notice how empty and soulless my stares and smiles are.
And another problem. Great. How many more do I have you ask? Want to know my answer? Well, I really don't know. I have so many troubles and problems right now I can't even count them all, so I'll just put down the basic ones in a nice neat list for you:
Going to Ja-san's youth-group every wednsday. (More like Ja-san in general...)
All it does is make me even more depressed than I already am, but I also don't believe it anymore. I DO believe in God, I KNOW there's a God--but I just don't believe in Christianity anymore. I find most of it false. I've made my own religion pretty much, with spells, enchantments, morals, and everything just for myself. It'll never be written down for it is in my heart. I'm frightened at what would happen if I just stopped going to the youth-group and Ja-san asked why. What would I say? "Oh, I don't believe in Christianity anymore, I'm into a different religion which is all about being an outcast and practicing spells." Besides, even if I got the courage to say that, I wouldn't. It's one of the only bonds I have left with him. We've been fading apart so fast, I haven't even been able to say goodbye.
Everybody I know
Everyone is so very distant. More like...I'm distant. Why is it that whenever something good happens in my life, everything else just turns to hell? Ja-san for instance. The start of the year we were very close, but now, I'm nothing but vapor. I hate it so much. Whenever I try to let my feelings out onto someone, something always gets in the way.
No one ever seems to detect when I'm sad or depressed, most of the time they don't even seem to care. All the friends I thought I'd finally be able to keep were stolen by other groups of people to where I'm left all alone. Whenever I disappear or am home from school, no ever bothers to find me, or even wonder where I am. If I was there, it wouldn't make a difference to them. I've seen what they are like without me. They don't care I'm gone, they don't care that I exist, they don't even bother to know what is bugging me. Even Acacia, who I thought would be my friend forever, has abandoned me.
There is one good thing that has come out of this--I've found peace. I know what my purpose on this earth is. My destiny is to never belong anywhere in this entire world. I am just here to be temperary friends of people until they find their true place. I was never placed here to be happy, and I've accepted that. Sometimes I just breakdown and ask "Why me?" but I can feel how at peace I am in my broken soul.
To belong is to have at least one person to which you can tell anything and everything to, and who can tell when you're happy, sad or angry. But in my entire life, I have never had anyone like that, and I believe it's going to be staying that way by an invisible force.
I'm the destined lost soul whos only purpose is to guide others to their rightful places.
Thanks for reading this post, if anyone even cared to read it. :']
Well...I guess I can't say I've been on in Forever now...
Well, my life has been interesting I guess. Not really though. Hm.
I haven't been on here in a very very long time, and I don't think I'm going to be on here for another few months or so maybe. I guess I've just lost total interest in theOtaku. Theres not much to do here. Some of the art that gets featured here is complete shit, and i've done better than some of those damn featured are. So now I say skrew anything that gets on the featured art. I don't care at all anymore. Gaia is SO MUCH BETTER in my opinion. I can do a LOT of stuff there. There are a WHOLE lot of really nice people there too. Also, there is pretty much NO "featured" crap there, telling you someone is more recognized than you just because they have a lot of friends and/or they draw damn fanart of Naruto, Bleach, or any of those other popular shows. Nothing of the sort.
My German class is going quite well...it's a really really easy class.
I don't think I'm going to get on here even just BARELY often. So, I'm going to ask everyone how it's going while I'm actually here.
I've somehow moved my home-site to GaiaOnline.com....
I have been gone FOREVER. D: I'm sooo srry for not commenting and posting anything or talking to you guys! Dx I was soooo busy with other stuff....
I've been gone for quite a while, and I don't think I'll be on as much as I used to, but I'll try to comment on ppls every once in a while!
I have, since kinda leaving, moved my home base to gaiaonline.com for some reason. I just started REALLY getting into it and all. Now, sadly to say, whenever I do on theO I just can't bear to stay long cuz there is almost nothing to do. So, like I said, I hath move to gaia.
Gaia is where you will mainly be able to talk to me, cuz I'm on there a lot more than theO. My username is Menato-kun just in case any of you have gaias too :3 I hope to talk to guys soon!
I've been very antisocial lately...
I can't exactly stop either for some reason...
Especially on theO...
I...just don't really want to talk to anyone anymore...
Yesterday even, when there was a party, I went through it all without even smiling once... (except to be polite to my grandma)
Homecoming was fun though. For once I wasn't left all alone during a dance.
Ja-san was there, but he wasn't dancing like how he normally does. I asked him wat was wrong when I was waiting 4 my mom to pick me up and he said that the girl he wanted to dance with had gotten grounded before the dance an wasnt able to go. ;-; Not only does THAT make me depressed (even more) it seemed he had been avoiding and ignoring me during the dance. Alot. Cuz whenever I would try to talk to him he would pretty much just look at me and walk by or away. That makes me even more depressed now and I just want to go sit in a corner and cry.
Though, at the very last song of the dance, (of course it was a slow dance D:) I was going to wakl out into the hall and leave when some random guy came up to me and asked to dance with him. I said okay and we did. It was quite fun actually. He and I talked while we danced. I didn't actually know him or anything but it made me happy that someone would actually want to dance with me. He was very cute and funny. D: Sadly as soon as the song was over and the lights turned on he said thank you, hugged me, and left. >< I didn't even get his name, what grade, ANYTHING. It makes me kinda more sad. My first slow dance with someone and I don't even get his name. Well, at least I knew it actually MEANT something to the guy. He said that the only time he danced was on slow songs, and that he was glad he found someone to dance with....so that made it better...
right now I just hate talking to people...
I just need to get away from all my 'friends'
right now i feel as though having 'friends' around is just destroying my life, making me feel alone and left out and all the emo crap.
so now I just want to be left on my own, maybe finally making a mense in my life.
I have no clue what started this hell, but I know that ever since I can remember, I've always felt left out of games and things my everyone around me...
New Picture~! Riplesmnant Hosted By theOtaku.com.
:o I really hope you guys'll at least look at it!
Anyway...onto the real update!
So I've decided to go to teh Homecoming!! ^_^ It's gonna be fun cuz I made sure that I'll have at least ONE friend to hang out with!
The dress I got is sooo awesome!! It took me so long to find one that fit! XP ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ <--This part has been editted for of content... *lmao* xD
We had to go to a bridal/prom-dress place, but it was fun trying on all the poofy! ^^
The dress I got is blue, sparkly, and poofy~! Can't forget the fact I look good in it! We're getting it tomorrow from the shop (there had been alterations) and I hope to get a picture of it so you all can see it!
Just an Update~!
Well, yep. Update! ^^;; I haven't been updating very much. And I'm can't seem to be able to get to people's sites very often anymore either. D: Stupid school. I thinkies I'll start the update. ^^ Be warned, cuz this might be a long one!!
Okay, so school has been okay, sometimes boring, but good all the same.
In Math we just started using laptops, and we're one of the only math classes who uses the laptops. So now my friends are jealous cuz I get to use al laptop during Math xD
In PE we're playing a really fun game called crab soccer. I don't know how to explain it without having to give you a diagram, but to sum it up you hav to crab walk in this large square where a gigantic yoga ball is. You hav to kick it over another teams goal (each side of the square is a team's goal). Oh, and the team is in FRONT of the goal, so they can push it away. xD The game is really tiring but so much FUN~! Yeah, and Tuesday we had to go to the weight room, which wasn't that bad since I so totaly pwn doing squats while holding 45lbs. xD I'm like the stongest girl in my PE. X] tho I STILL can't do push-ups... (hate them!)
Oh and then next Friday there the Homecoming dance. I don't know if I want to go or not though. On one hand, I know a lot of my friends are going and for once I probably wont be left alone like usual, but on the other hand I always get depressed during dances and just sit somewhere the entire time, about to cry. And don't forget the fact that like always when I'm down in the dumps and about to have a mental breakdown no one ever notices. Ever. This is why I hate ppl. That I don't talk to on the computer. I KNOW you guys can't always be there for me. Cuz I can only talk to you on the comp. So I don't know why I should do...go to the dance with me friends and most-likely get all depressed and just sit there hating my life, and not being able to get away from it, or, sit at home that "big night" alone on the computer WITHOUT having to get all heartbroken and not go out? Plz help me. I don't know what to do. :[
I really don't know what else to say actually... >> I'm not sure there's much more to update about...
...and I just thought of more updates...
Well, another thing is that I HATE emo jokes. No, not in general. More like people keep calling me emo and it fucking pisses me off. Especially Zoey, this new girl from Virginia. At first she seemed pretty kool and then she started getting annoying by saying that I said I hated her. I don't god dammit. I maybe now I do. She's putting words in my mouth that I never said. And I can't forget the fact that she wisecracked that I was being in a pissy mood cuz I "wanted attetion" and was being "emo". That bitch. Oh, AND she still owes Ja-san money, but won't pay him back. She's such an ass and bitch and anything else I can't think up right now. She's starting to get on my nerves quite a lot. gawd -_____- So don't go crackin Emo jokes about me. Trust me, I will try down dying ass and beat the shit outta you. =] But you don't have to worry about that for the fact that I trust you guys not to do any such thing.
Okay, onto something different...
It's really weird. @__@ Some Popular guys actually TALK to me. No. Seriously. It's weird. See, like last year none of them would have ever given me a single glance. @________@ Tis weird. Very, very weird. I want to know what you guys think of that. Oh, and the ones that talk to me like anime x] I want to know what you guys think about this, cuz I'm at a complete loss. ._.
If anyone's reading this part, thank you for reading that very long post~! *glompith yous* I'm glad you gave me the time of day. =] And just one more thing, I'm redoing my site. So far I've just gotten the BG done (which the BG is AWESOMENESS~!) and the icon. And later I'll work on the profile -______-' I'm too lazy to do it right now, and the fact that it's almost my bedtime. But for sure I'm leaving my poem in my profile.
To the questions~!
1)How has been you week?
2)What's your least-liked class?
3)Should I go to the Homecoming? Or should I just stay home?
4)What do you think about the random Populars talking to me? @_@ Tis very strange...
5)x] What time is it? (Had to ask that at least once~!]
6)What is your favorite subject?
Thanks for stopping by~! Oh, and I'll be putting up a whole bunch of pictures soon, so watch out for them~!!!!! *glompith you all* Comments (4) |