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Sunday, July 17, 2011

Good Grief!
Hello everyone. How have you all been? My life has been pretty depressing this summer. I know I should be very happy, but I just can't be. I think my family is feeling it as well, and that makes me even more sad. Maybe if I vent I'll feel better.

Reasons I should be happy:
1. I finally graduated from the school that was a waste of time since there was no actual learning happening.
2. I received over $2000 for graduation.
3. I used my graduation money to buy every single electronic I've wanted for the past year (a laptop, a new IPOD, and A Graphing Calculator (I'm a nerd, and I'm going to be a math and physics major in college).
4. I just got back from an awesome cruise to Mexico with my parents.
5. I've got a full scholarship to college.
6. My best friends are all going to the same college.
7. I will still have my easy job on campus.
8. I enjoy spending time with my family.

Things that make me sad:
1. My stepmom lost her job, because of my mom....
2. My dad was just in a wreck in his work's personal vehicle, and if he loses his job, how will we survive?
3. Being out of school sucks, wish I had made the deadline for summer school.
4. I'm worried about driving 2 hours for a 'party' with my friends.
5. Even though I'm 18, My parents make me feel guilty about staying out later than 10 pm with my friends.
6. I don't like hanging out with some of my friends as much as I did in High School. They always invite me to things, and unless it's certain people that ask, I make up excuses, and turn them down.
7. My sister's doctors took 12 years to realize she had autism, and it took her almost being expelled from school for them to realize.
8. My sister likes to sneak out in the middle of the night to meet guys, and she's only 12. She has no impulse control due to her autism, and so she doesn't realize the consequences till afterwards.
9. My brother that is like my best friend is becoming a jerk, and I don't think he realizes it, or just doesn't care.
10. My real mom is off the map, and so she's probably on drugs again.
11. My stepmom keeps pointing out my flaws.

Well, I feel a little better seeing it all spelled out in front of me, but I think it will take a lot more good news to make me feel like my old self again.

I had a dream about my mom last night, I was so scared that it woke me up, and the only thing to be afraid of is my mom. She's not someone you want to mess with unprepared. I thought I was over my fear of my mom, but apparently it's only if I completely change who I am and go into jerk mode and treat her how she treats her mom. which isn't very well. Anyways, in this dream I was at this weird bible school thing with some other students in like some school library. I was in the middle of working on something with them, when they give me a strange look, and I all of a sudden feel arms wrap around me. I pull away, and turn around to see my mom. I tell her she's not supposed to be here, and then she walks away. I excuse myself from the group, and then walk up to her sitting at a table with a book and paper. She's doing homework maybe? I ask her what she's doing there, and all she does is ask me a question about finances. I give her a strange look then told her to let me see the question. I read it, and don't know the answer, and so I told her I don't know the answer, and that she should know I only used to study her accounting books for fun when I was younger. Then she said, So you only have an answer when it's someone else. That's where I woke up. Weird. I may not know where my mom is, but she keeps trying to contact me.

Well I hope everyone else is doing well. bye.

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Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Hello myotaku friends. Life's all of a sudden feeling great again. I'm sooooo excited that my last day of high school is less than a month away. I am so ready to get out of the hellhole that is my high school. I already feel as though I'm in college. I've been a wannabe college student since the summer, especially since I work at the college I plan to attend (I babysit college students. Lol. Isn't that kinda funny?). I've already got my scholarship, I register for classes in two weeks, I know my advisors very well (considering one's my mom (:) I have a job at my college, and I already know which dorm I'm living in. See? I'm basically a college student already. It seems like torture that colleges bait you and have you hooked while you're still in high school. It's like giving me a taste of a pie, then telling me I can't eat it. I'm so ready to be in college!

Furthermore, I found out today that I get an award for being such a great soccer referee. Woohoo. lol. It's pretty cool, but won't be a big deal. After I get my award, it's time to hit up Hub Fest. My friends like to chill on some parking garage in the middle of downtown and they want to throw stuff at people. >.> They're so mean. I'll probably go with my family like I always do.

Next week is my 18th Birthday, and I'm excited merely for the fact that I'm a year older. My parents ask why I'm so excited to be 18. They think I want to smoke or go to the strip club or whatever bad things you can do at 18. But nah. I just want to be able to say I'm 18. WOO!

I'm just so excited about life right now. In July, I get to go on a cruise to Mexico! That will be fun. Going with my parents, but I love them to death, so it will be all right.

The only bad thing this week, was my cousin from Hollywood coming to visit. My sister was soooooo Starstruck, because he played a role in Iron Man 2 as a chief of police and he played some cop role in Inception. But honestly, I don't think anyone else realized this, but he made me really uncomfortable and just seemed like an ass. He just talked about drinking and sleeping around with girls half his age, and only two years older than his daughter. I am so glad he only stayed two nights at my house. He's an okay guy I'm sure, but I just got a bad vibe from him, and my vibes tend to be right. I'll just leave it be. I think my extended family is just always going to be uncomfortable to be around. Well I love you all. Bye. :)

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Thursday, March 17, 2011

Hello Myotaku,

As always, I'm conflicted with emotions. Life never seems to go as I want it to. When one good thing happens something bad always joins it.

The good thing is that I received the very competitive scholarship that I wanted. Then the very next day, the guy that I dated and haven't talked to in a little over a year after dating for a year wants to get back together with me. I was all for it, and really missed him, but now that I've had time to clear my mind I realize that we can't just get back together right before college. Our colleges are across the country from each other, and I know it won't work out. We just need to let it go. Problem is telling him after leading him on for two weeks. I'm soooo stupid. It took me two weeks to realize this. And yea I could get back together with him for the remainder of our senior year, but That will just end in heartbreak..... Hopefully this works out for the best, and it just ends well.

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Thursday, June 10, 2010

Thank you everyone for commenting on my last post. Has been awhile, because for some reason my school blocked myotaku.com. Anyways, now I'm out of school for the summer, and all the adults keep asking me why I never do anything fun for the summer. They tell me that I'm in high school, I should be out partying. I just reply that I have fun sometimes, but I guess my life is generally really boring. Or to some people. My life is quite the opposite.

This is my first summer not taking summer classes. Yay! But now I have two jobs. One of which I'm always having to do research for. The other is basically sitting at a computer for hours watching other people get on computers.

Well, my first job is basically school. lol. I want to be a physicist, so I got a job at the local university doing research with the head of physics. I love the job, and the research is interesting. I'm researching particle physics now. Which seems to go in circles around itself. Lol. My second job is as a computer moniter person in the school of construction at the local university. It is pretty simple and boring. It gets kind of lonely being in a computer lab all day with a bunch of college guys, but I learn to deal with it by just surfing the web, which is kind of boring because I'm not much of a web surfing kind of girl.

My first week of summer was really depressing. My bosses told me they wanted me to take a week before I started work to have fun. Well, that whole week I was in a state of depression, because I can't stand not being busy. I have to be doing something constructive or I start to feel depressed. Does that mean I'm going to become a work-a-holic? Anyways, my depression led to me hurting my boyfriend's feelings to the point that he was in tears crying. All because I didn't invite him to a party with my friends. He wanted to go, but he told me that he was going to be a jerk to my friends, because he doesn't get along with my friends, so I didn't invite him. And because I felt guilty about it, I told him that I went, and he burst into tears, and then he showed up at the party, then he gets angry, because he has trouble controlling his anger, and he slapped me, and then I broke up with him. He tells people it was the other way around, but he can say whatever he wants. He and I are now best friends. Probably not the best idea, but we're close and we talk everyday. Hard to avoid each other. We go to the same church, and he works at the same place I work. Plus, I'm the kind of person that never has enemies. The only person that dislikes me is my ex that is mad that I won't date him again.

Well, I should go for now. Hope to hear from you guys. bye for now.

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Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Hello everyone. I trust all has been well with each and everyone of you. Well, I've personally been great. However, my friends have been having so much drama, and I fear I may be the cause of some of it.

First off, my ex boyfriend is totally obsessed with me, and it annoys me. He constantly tells me he still loves me and that he is going to kill himself without me. It really frustrates me, because if he thinks that losing a girlfriend in high school is the worst thing that could ever happen to him, then I'd like to let him spend a day in my shoes. I have lived with a drug addict mother and raised my two younger brothers, I know what real pain is. I'm really just considering cutting him out of my life, because I can't deal with all the stress he comes with. But he's a good friend, and I don't want to lose him as a friend. My friends tell me I'm too nice, but I think people take advantage of my kindness.

Furthermore, one of my best friends continuously asks me out. Last night he told me that he loved me, and I just didn't know what to say. I've continued to turn him down, but it just keeps getting worse. He told me that I'm no longer allowed to hug him anymore, because he may fall back in love with me. So that's one less friend I get to hug each day T-T. And now he's pissed off at me, because he went through my best friend's phone, and read a message I sent to her about him, and it upset him. All I said was it annoyed me that he talked Shakespearian (sp?) to me. First of all, I don't understand why he borrowed my friend's phone in the first place. He had his phone, he shouldn't have needed hers. Plus, he had no rights reading my messages with her. Yet, because I'm the bigger man (woman) I apologized for talking about him. But I still believe he's upset about it.

I hope this is my final guy-related problem, but it's a minor one. I've been seeing this guy, and he dated a few of my friends a while back, and well, I just don't know what his feelings for me are. Each of my friends that dated him said he's not a great guy, and I hope that they're wrong. He seems different from how they describe, and I've known him for years. I've not been letting myself become too attached, in case my friends are right. Always have to believe your friends over a guy. lol. Anyways, I try to just cope with not knowing, and just going on a few dates, but I honestly want a relationship. I don't want to just casually date. But I'm not sure how to bring it up with him. Any advice on how to bring it up?

Well, today I had to turn in my research paper rough draft, and honestly, I wrote it in one night, so it's awful. But as long as my final draft is okay, I shouldn't have any problems. Anyways, so today at school while I'm trying to print it out, I couldn't find it, and I was freaking out, so I just got a pass from my teacher and skipped english with my friend. My teacher didn't notice, so no harm done. I can't believe how easy it is to skip in high school. This is my first time really skipping a class, but it wasn't so bad, but I don't plan on doing it again. I'm a goody goody two shoes. :-P

Well, I should go for now. Talk to all of you later. Bye. Comment.

P.S. My comment link has been acting funny, so PM me if you can't access it.

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Saturday, January 16, 2010

Hello Everyone!
Well, I don't believe my weekend will be very eventful. I may go hang out with my friends tonight at a movie night. I really don't know what movie we'll even see.

I'm hanging out in my parent's bedroom. They believe I have this crazy plan to stay around them all day every day until they tell me to go away. They only think that, because they keep complaining about how much time I spend reading in my bedroom. They complain that they don't see me enough. That wasn't my plan, but it is a good idea. Okay, maybe I have given it much thought, but I haven't really decided whether I want to do it or not. Although, it would give me permission to stay in my room and read. I've never met parents that discouraged reading. Geez, they just don't understand. I mean it's not like they read for fun. What kind of parents say their kids read too much?

Well, I had fun at the wedding last night. I got stuck helping with the cleaning and helping do the cooking. Then, everyone made fun of me, because the bouquet flew straight at me, and instead of catching it I ducked. I don't want to be the next person to get married (which for those of you who don't know is what it means to catch the bouquet at a wedding).

Well, that's all for now. Love you all. Bye.

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Friday, January 15, 2010

   Hi everyone.
How's it going? I know it's been forever since I updated, and a lot has happened since then. And I mean a LOT!

Since it's been three years I've missed alot of you. But I hope you sign my guestbook.

Anyways, I have to write a stupid research paper on whether torturing possible terrorists is ever acceptable. Ugh! Oh well, at least I will do it.

So how was everyone's Christmas? I got everything I wanted. I got the Hollow by Jessica Verday, which is the best book ever! ^-^ I got a new pair of rollerblades. I got a new sewing maching. And I got a new record player. And of course I got a ton of nightmare before christmas stuff.

My dad found his long lost sister from Arizona last night. He hasn't spoken to her in 16 years. I get to meet her in 3 years on her 50th birthday. And I get to ride her horses on her ranch.

Well, I should go. TTYL.

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Sunday, February 3, 2008

Hey everyone! How have your weekends gone? Mine have gone good so far! I went to a Mardi Gras Parade today, and will be going to another one tomorrow after church! I feel like I'm half asleep, geez! At the moment I'm over at Kyoskitten's house, because I missed her so much, that I couldn't stand being without her for one more second! (I made that sound like I'm in love with her! Well I guess I do love her, but in a very close friend kind of way!)

Well I took the chance, and I gave that guy my number, even though I have only met him a few times at school! And I talked to him for about an hour! He's sweet, but a little obsessed with Spongebob! (Gross!) I guess it's good that I'm making new friends! I just wish I could get to know him a little more than our short phone calls, where he's nervous the whole time, and stuttering!

I'm officially sick of shopping, and Kyoskitten just showed me cool keyboard combinations!☺ I'm having fun with this!�� Yay! Hearts for everyone! *Grabs a bucket of hearts, and begins to throw them to people!����������������������* I think it should rain in the shape of hearts! That would be so awesome! Wow, my A.D.D. is kicking in, because I'm just typing about random subjects now!

Well I think I'm finally out of things to say, even though I could probably make a list at this very moment of subjects that we could discuss! So Bye-bye! *Throws more hearts ������������������*

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Thursday, January 31, 2008

Hey everyone!
I've officially gone shopping everyday since last Friday! I've practically completely changed my style when I moved to this new school! I need to go back to Long Beach before I completely change who I am! I miss you Kyoskitten!
This guys been flirting with me at my new school, and I don't know him! He asked me for my number today, but I don't know if I should! I might give it to him though!
Well nothing else has changed. So I'll be going! Bye!
P.S. Tell me how you guys have been lately!

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Monday, January 28, 2008

I feel like I've been running a marathon! My new school is two stories, and I'm not used to running up so many stairs! Oh well I guess it's good exercise, and my heart will stay healthy! (Yay heart!)

God I miss all of my friends! I am now pretty close to a few people here at my new school, but I feel just like I did at Long Beach! I'm limiting myself to certain people or groups! Geez I have such horrible habits. Maybe I can make that my LATE New Year's Resolution: stop limiting myself to small groups of friends. I doubt I'll be able to do that, so whatever.

I'm so happy, because we just got the heat fixed at my dad's house! Yay now it's warmer than outside, instead of being colder than outside in my house!

Well I'm running out of things to say, so I'm just going to go! Bye-bye!

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