Friday, January 14, 2005
Here I am...
I've been really mad at myself lately. I can't put my finger on it, but I know there's something I've done to make me mad at myself... Anyways, I just got back from winter camp-out. It was a blast. Zeb was there. He told me not to worry. He doesn't hate me. I feel like such a fool. He made so many attempts to talk to me and all I could do was stand there and mutter and worry that my friends would hate me that I was talking to this supposedly 'lower' person. That's not the way it should be. We're all equals and should be treated the same as everyone else. But listen to me... I sound like some sort of activist. How does he do it? He never says anything awkward or stupid, never at a loss for words. He always knows just the right thing to say to you. Maybe that's the reason so many girls like him. there's nothing phenomenal about the way he looks, It's just that you feel so comfortable around him. But he must think I'm an idiot. As I was saying, he tried talking to me and I never had anything to say. I tried talking to him and completely lost my nerve as soon as I walked up to him. And I'd been playing guitar for five years, and he wanted me to play him something and I couldn't. I just.... sat there. Sat there wishing I could show him that I wasn't some hopeless brat on the planet. The truth is, I guess I like him. Not in that way, just.... like him.
sorry for the ditzy sounding stuff... he he...