Thursday, May 26, 2005

today
today was a slow day today because i just wanted it to end when i was in school so of course it had to just press on inch by stupid inch ^_^. in the beginning of the day me and my friend ben were acting kinda weird and i kept hitting myself with a pencil for no apparent reason and i eventually started bleeding from it but i didn't know till my second hour. in swimming the teacher made our hour do 40 laps around the pool ( or at least until the end of the hour) after that i was super tired but the day wasn't over yet. My friend Ben who you guys should probably know i hang out with a lot is having some problems at home and he was biting himself till he started bleeding and i made him say what was bothering him to the point where he was about to start hitting me but i knew i could take whatever he had cause we don't feel pain like other people cause we have had so much as children that we don't notice the little pains like stabs from pencils or punching anymore. The only thing that hurt was my pride when kelley slapped me in public but i didn't care cause we were all having fun and everyone was laughing after that so i guess my pain is funny ^_^ oh well it doesn't matter as long as people are happy. ben and us went opposite ways cause we live different directions from eachother ( he lives like 10-15 blocks away from me ) me and kelley hanged out for a while and she tried the pikman 2 game which was fun and then she left for dinner and i'm about to go to bens house cause he doesn't trust himself anymore and i won't let him hurt himself so cya all l8ter.
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Wednesday, May 25, 2005

my life as of now
is starting to smooth out and stuff is blowing over over is becoming water under the bridge or over the dam whichever you choose ^_^. i'm now writing poetry cause my teacher told me to and my friends said its a great way to express yourself on paper besides drawing ( i can't draw right now i'm in a drawing funk where i can't feel any of my drawings). so now i'm sitting here with my sister waiting for people to call so i can go do something. well she wants to use the computer now her name is orangey3 go to her site if you like orange backgrounds ^_^ well hope everyone feels good over time and goodbye for now
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srry
ok hopefully i can talk about stuff now. Last weekend was just a really bad weekend even though i said it was good and that i went to a party. the party was really bad and people were threatening to kill themselves, i might have said that already but i feel like saying it again. after that my friend ben spent the night and that was ok since we made a huge fire in my backyard and just sat out under the stars until 3 in the morning. Sunday comes around and its a normal day until the night when i have to be the middle man for a breakup and watch another breakup going on (2 breakups that are very sad to watch and hear really get to me) monday comes around and i'm now a boyfriend to the girl of one of the breakups. her name is kelley (witchchick2000) and we've been going out for a few days now. Yesterday at school i was sitting in the lunch room when these two girls started talking about how sad her old bf was and that made me feel like shit cause i can't stand people being hurt, i guess i got that from my mom cause shes always trying to make everything good in the world and they were talking about how they think that i didn't love kell and that made me mad cause they don't even know me and they are just saying stuff but the part that is hurting me the most is the stuff they said about her old bf and i can't get it outta my head and its making me feel like i just wanna skip school today and thats what my friend told me to do but i can't cause i'm about to fail anyway so i gotta. I'm writing this post at 6 30 in the morning because i couldn't sleep again ( shows how much i care about how other people feel, i have to care or else i'll probably kill myself ) god i'm feeling weak right now i gotta go but ill talk again later. if anybody has any crude or mean comments to say to me i'll understand and i probably deserve them givin the fact that most of the reason she broke up with him was because of me. see i have that effect on people and i don't want that effect but i've been miserable for a long time and now something good has happened actually to me! it never happens to me and i have felt like commiting suicide a few times (even when i was asleep). It's really bad and since i don't have a lot of friends i need someone to talk to or i might just end my life... ok i gotta go, again alex i'm sorry and i never wanted you to hurt inside like i do, goodbye everyone. Until next time
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Monday, May 23, 2005

i'm sorry everybody but i can't really say anything about whats been happening cause it hurt someone that i know... i'll add a post when the time is right ^_^
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Sunday, May 22, 2005

today is happiness
today was pretty good day, i have been feeling pretty good for me considering the party yesterday. well me and my friend ben didn't go to sleep until like 3 in the morning and even then we woke up at 6 in the morning and decided to make breakfast for the hell of it. we chopped up some potatoes and some eggs and we put spices and stuff in them so it was pretty damn good. then we started sword fighting with wooden sticks and i kicked his ass at that. then ben's gf called a couple times and then kelley came over and we started shooting hoops in my front yard. after that ben left so me and kelley watched movies like finding nemo and shrek 2 and that was pretty cool. then my sister woke up around like 2 in the afternoon and... crap what else did we do, well at around 6 in the afternoon we went to ben's and talked with him to about 7:20 and then we left and went home. then at around 8 i dropped kelley off at her house and went home, typed this, and am now waiting for my parents to go home. All in all there was nothing to really make me feel bad and it was just a good day for me. alright ttyl and goodnight my friends

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THE FRIGGING LOOONG DAY...
OH my bloody god do i have a story to tell everyone. well as i said earlier i went to a party today. before that i picked up my friend kelley and we went to my other friend ben's house. We played hackey sack for a while and it was ok until we got to the actual party. At the beginning we had fun, listened to music, chased her brother around (he's a little kid and hugging all the girls at the party and asking for kisses and smacking there asses), played hack some more, ate and stuff. After that we had cake and then people started chasing eachother around with cake and Kris (some guy that i knew from school) shoved pink frosting down my throat and i started to feel really sick and i started gagging on it. after that this other kid started screwing around and started hitting me in the nuts and he thought it was funny so i kicked him back and he didn't think it was so funny. HE WENT CRAZY and started swinging at me and then he soccer kicked me in the nuts again ( he kicked me 5 Fucking times in the god damn nuts and i kicked him 1 time so i'm the one that should be fucking killing him with a steak knife... GOD I HATE THAT KID) after that me and kelley thought it would be good to leave so we did cause we both weren't feeling good, and then we went to my house. later my friend ben calls me telling me hes lost and over at ABC church (i have no clue where that is!!!) and me and kell started to freak out so we met at the elementary school and we hung out there from like 10:30 to about 11:00 then we headed to my house and when we got there we hanged out on the porch, my sister brought out candles and my friend ben started performing funny rituals to make the fire go high.. WEEEEEEEEEEEE FIRE, then we went up to the roof of my garage cause nobody was home this weekend. YAY. we sat around and watched the moon and junk, then i got a call from Tarah (the one who had the party and who is also my friend Ben's girlfriend) and she said that his mom was pissed at ben and she left a banquet or something to go find him cause he heard he got lost. She came to my house around 11:48 and i had to take kelley home cause she couldn't stay out past 12:00 and we waited to 11:56 then ben left to go his house to take some meds and he would be back cause he was spending the night. i took kelley home and then raced back home and he came a few minutes later and now we are typing this out cause its a hell of a long day and post and i need help remembering most that went on today. I am tired of today... well i gotta go. Bye kelley cya tommorrow.

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Saturday, May 21, 2005

PARTY.. WOOOOOHH
PARTY PARTY PARTY. i'm going to a party today. yessssss.... its my friends 15th birthday today. i thought she was older than that.still its a party. Hopefully its good and No Clowns. I made her a card myself made outta one of my very scary vampire drawings and if i knew how to i'd put it on my site and show you but i forgot and need to talk to my friend about how to again srry, i am brainless. Yesterday i just hanged out with my friends, went to school, and did other things that i won't mention cause they caused me mental pain and i still feel sad and depressed about it but its not in my mind right now cause i'm going to party in a few hours so i'm excited. nothing fun has been going on in this shitty neighborhood for a while that i can remember ^_^ alright talk to yous guys later.
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Wednesday, May 18, 2005

And Love Said No
And love's light blue
Through the emtiness that had become my home
Love's lies cruel
Introduced me to you
And at that moment I knew I was out of hope

Kill Me
I prayed and love said no
Leave me
For dead and let me go
Kill Me
I cried and love said no
Kill Me
I cried and love said no

Love's icy tomb
Dug open for you Lies in a cemetery that bears my name
Love's violent tune
From me to you
Rips your heart out and leaves you
Bleeding with a smile on your face

Kill Me
I begged and love said no
Leave Me
For dead and let me go
Kill Me
I cried and love said no
Kill Me
I cried and love said no

And love said no

And love's light blue
Took me from you
And at that moment I knew you I was out of hope
Again
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Then seek not, sweet, the "It" and "Why"
I love you now until I die.
For I must love because i live
And life in me is what you give.
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Today...
today was just a day at school but with a faster aproach hehe... at 3rd hour (my math class) we did a test that i didn't even know we were doing and i didn't do this Chapter review we had to do and we needed that to get are test graded so i had to hurry and get that done in a few minutes. after that was normal intill 6th hour when i had to do my swimming test and i finished it and my teacher said my grade was a "Q" and i don't know what that means!!! if anybody knows tell me ^_^ after that i had some friends over at my house and we played hackey sack and talked and then one of my friends got mad and left cause we were talking about her boyfriend who is way older than her and doesn't even live in Roseville and i heard from her friend that her parents chased the guy out of Roseville with the polce so thats not good.. after that i sat down at my computer listened to some music and typed this post in. cya l8ter
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