I've been gone a while, sorry "peeps". I've been extremely busy, and stressed. So, I think things will slowly calm down.
Erm...school has gotten alot better, but I still want to bitch slap my guidance counselor. I've finally gotten access to my trust, and so far I'm spending too much money, lol. I need to budget myself, and turn in job apps.
Nothing much has happened really. Ooh and all my gay friends want to turn my boyfriend *______*
It's a shame really, but he's a hottie, so ehhs. Ha.......ha......and maybe another ha....*ha*
Err, pics I took tuesday on my retarded smart phone....
The Asian clerk told me to stop taking pics in his store.....butch queen -_-
My "new" style, lol. The eyeliner, mascara, and a lil' foundation to even out the tired eyes, tis hot. I like it.
*yawns* damn it, I'm tired. I had dance class today.....err yesterday from 4 to 6, I learned two new choreographies, and ironically, in both I have to throw myself on the floor. And now my back hurts........like hell.
Idk, but I like this pic, lol. ACCESSORIZE!!
Night folks, I'll be making my comment rounds after dance class, ta-tas.
This little fucker is really cute!!!!!! It's like.....I don't know. He's an amazing singer, and he's only 15!!...I would so go to jail for this kid, lmfao.
Declan Galbraith
.........Oh my gaud, I feel a fan girl squeal coming on, lmao, I need to take my tired ass to bed.
I was gonna post some pics I recently took of myself acting like an asshole, but instead I'm gonna show a video. It's less than 3 minutes long, and the shit is fucking hilarious. It's of ventriliquist(sp?) Jeff Dunham, and his partner Peanut. I think out of all his partners peanut is the funniest.
***In other news I got my ears pierced for the third time, which gives me a total of 8 piercings. I'm done now, I just want a tattoo. My friend's 19th birthday was yesterday. I got her this lovely gift from old navy, and she got me a gift from...........susan russian.....I think it was. I'm still contemplating whether I should pay for the senior dues. And two of my classmates thought I was a lesbian when they first met me. Touching, ehh?
I so do not feel like posting today. I have so much to say about my glorious weekend, and I'm watching Steel Angel Kurumi, and I don't wanna stop. So, I'll be brief.
**My birthday was fun, my friend took me out to a let lunch in Noho. We went to a little pub/resturant on the same block as Toy Tokyo. We went to Toy Tokyo so I could by my ticket for the NY Anime Festival. Saw a really gorgeous at the end of lunch, topped the day lovely.
****It took my like maybe 10 minutes of walking to figure out where the Jacob Javits Center is. The direction I got from hopstop.com weren't very accurate, as I would've wished. But nonetheless I found the place by 11am. Linsey's(ElvesAteMyRamen) panel started at 11, and I couldn't find where she was until maybe 11:30. But I found her, and she immediately knew who I was...see, it pays off using your pic as your avi :P...We hung out all day, I got some stuff, and had fun. Lindsey's really cool, and so is Angel(suyari). I also met Adam, his glasses are cute with the leopard prints. I had no idea Adam lived in NYC. I hope he keeps in touch.
**After the festival the gang and I walked to 34th and broadway. I know that area pretty well, so we said our goodbyes and I walked all the way to 42nd street(Times Square) to meet my friends to celebrate my day old birthday. We saw Awake, which I thought was a very twisted movie. It was hard to figure out what was going, for some people that is. Some asshole from youtube ruin the spoiled the movie for me by giving away the plot. I didn't read much of what they wrote, but I think I read enough that by half way through I figured out the whole thing. I think it's a movie everyone should see. I thorougly enjoyed it, and the so-called medium sprite I bought. The size of the cup was like.......they should've called it a large, not a medium. We also went to Planet Hollywood for dinner after the movie. We got extra food for free, because it was my "birthday". We were such fat asses. I felt like purging afterwards, I was way too full. By the end of dinner we were all way too sleepy. And the #2 and #4 took soooooooooo long. I would've taken the A train, but I had heard that it wasn't running.
****On Sunday I slept in late, told my mom about how cool Lindsey is, I showed her the book she signed for me. And I went over the events of the previous day. After that I went back to bed, I didn't get home until after 2 in the morning, and I went to bed after 3.
So, that's it in a nut shell. I tried to be as brief as I could. I had fun, I was really quiet around Lindsey and the rest of the gang. But that's how I am when I first meet people, even if we've been talking for months or years. I've decided to take my art work more seriously, so I'll be submitting some stuff when I get the free time. And I hope they have another anime festival next year. I had so much fun, weeeeeeee!
!!HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME, HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR KOBE, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME
YAY TODAY'S MY 18TH BIRTHDAY, PEARL HABOR, AND THE FIRST DAY OF THE NYC ANIME FESTIVAL *exclamation point*
Today I am seen by the government as an adult. And as an adult I'd like to say.....I am so not voting Hilary. That mcqueef is pro choice. What the hell is that about really? I'd like to ask her how many babies she aborted. Everyone deserves a chance at life, even if the means of their conception was....."unearthly". And I hate all those buttfuckers who actually argue abortion as a better option to have a child be an orphan. So, I'm guessing that people like that would choose death over going to jail. And for that alone they shall be sodimised.
My keyboard is acting weird.....that or I'm not pressing the keys hard enough.
So, now that I'm 18 I don't feel any different. I feel the same, meh. Today I will be eating cheesecake. Uh, my body's trembling at the thought of it already. I will go buy my ticket for the Anime Festival, so I can take ElveAteMyRamen's(check friend's list, too lazy to link it) art tutorial class. And we'll take pictures!!!!!!!....Probably, I don't know. What else would I be doing, oh yes, I'll be job hunting. And I'll be celebrating my birthday with my friends on saturday. We're going to see Awake.
What I'd like to do is go to Juniors, and indulge in their amazing cheesecake. But I won't be doing that. I'd like to stay out extremely late and come home in the morning. But I won't be doing that. I'd like to get drunk, but that's a no-no. And I wanna get laid. But that probably won...I know for a fact that won't happen. I'm old and I'm all alone. Atleast I have my ipod, that's my baby, we have the same name.
Kobe is the nickname I was given from this year's volleyball season. Mainly because I had a very sharp, consistent and controlled serve. It's funny though. Of the two guys who helped the coach during our practice, Bryan(not the one I'm crushing on) was the one who started calling me Kobe. I prefer Kobe over chichi, and Kemmy. But I answer to all.
I really don't want to make this this a long post, but there's this thing I've been writing, I'm not sure why I'm writing it, or what it's about. I just write, so if it doesn't make any sense at all, I am VERY sorry you wasted your time and read it. But if you don't mind reading it and giving your opinion. Thanks in advance......hey that rhymed....
Concoction
The solitude I wished to confine myself and my deepest thoughts in was tentative. It slowly killed me from the inside out. I tried many times to hide what was troubling me, and I often dismissed a lot of things that I didn’t want to talk about. But there were certain people who knew better. There were people who asked questions, there were people who saw right through me. I took over the urges I had inside of myself to runaway and cast them aside. I began to suffer, I began to kill myself, day after day. The unrelenting pain inside of my chest grew more heavy, and more charred. My heart grew cold and I, unaware, wanted to die. I killed myself. I wanted to get rid of what people knew of me, I wanted to get rid of what people saw. I committed suicide. Sweet, sweet suicide. On the journey to the other world I began to relish in the fact that I would give birth. I would give birth to a new self, to a new me, to a someone no one had ever known.
I had once remembered when someone called me fake. This was the push that led to my suicide. Not your conventional suicide of one killing themselves, not where their soul, if they had one, left their body and soared to unimaginable heights. My suicide came from within, the person I’ve known inside of me all my life was murdered. Murdered by the yearning in me that hungered for change. The change was not sudden, and that is what sent me into a state of bewilderment. I wanted to run to the edge of the earth and cast my shell off. But I couldn’t, I had no way of doing so. And even if I dreamed my heart out, I knew, logically, that it was impossible. As I waited patiently for this change to come I hid myself into the books that gave me a sense of longing. Not to where I thought or wanted to belong, but to a scenario I wished was possible for me. I knew I could never be properly loved by anyone or by any man. So I hid, I hid behind authors who wrote such beautiful stories of men and women who hated each other at first sight, but loved each other passionately secretly. I wished that I could possibly experience something like that, but I knew, that without change, it would never happen. It would never be possible. Not physically at least, for a man to love a woman with his whole heart, body and soul, he would wish her to be chaste. I am not innocent, and I cannot lie to someone I love, I cannot profess to my chastity, for it did not exist.
And like a cowardice I hid. I lied to protect myself. And as the lies grew, it morphed. It changed into a dagger that left wounds along my skin. But I did not bleed, I couldn’t not release what I never held. At times I wondered if I had a heart, or how I could be so oblivious. It was not my fault, for I never knew what caring really was. I was never taught how to care for someone, or anyone. I was never taught love, so how could I possibly exhibit those common emotions and human reactions? As far as I was concerned it never existed. Something of the like that many saw as second nature became foreign to me. It did not matter, and I became ignorant, and biased. Not to the people who condoned those who had no real human emotion, but to the emotion itself, the emotion that they possessed. I hated what they carried on the inside. I hated who they really were, what they are, and how they are. I hated it, because I didn’t know who I was. I still do not know who I am. And I must bear the burden of wondering everyday when I will get to meet the person I call my own. When I will be introduced to my true self, when we will share a conversation without shame or judgment. When we can look each other straight in the eyes and say “I am you, and you I are, and I you”. when we can finally be free of all that has kept us apart from each other for so many year. I was estranged. I didn’t know who I carried and who I walked with. So I sought else where. I looked for someone outside of me, to complete me, and to make me whole. But I began to learn that things weren’t so simple. I began to learn that I cannot be so willing, or so giving to someone outside of me, if I chose to neglect someone inside of me. And yet again I began to die little by little. Trapped in my own limbo, terrorized by a stranger, victimized by the darkness that consumed my soul. It was possible that I was depressed, that I was suffering from something that deprived me from the joys of life. And I ran, I ran back to my books, back to the life I dreamt of. And I hid, hid from knowing what was really true, hid from the confrontation that I long felt was over do.
I feel like crap, emotionally, and I'm not sure why. I refuse to believe I'm depressed or anything like that. And I'm to the point of complete oblivion. And I'm really upset with my school.
The senior dues are $250. You can't go to prom unless if you pay for the senior dues. What's really messed up about it is some of the crap that you're paying for, for instance, things I DO NOT want: flowers, tickets to the award dinner, t-shirt, and some other shit I forgot. Point is, if I'm paying that amount of money, that's NON-refundable, let it be for the practical stuff. The graduation hall, cap and gown, diploma case, and ceremony tickets. I don't want to pay for catering for the senior bbq, I don't give a fuck about that shit. I don't like 75% of the people in my class. I'm not gonna eat with them, I go to the library for lunch, c'mon now.
And another thing that pisses me off, if you fail one class, you don't graduate. But it's mandatory for every senior to pay for senior dues. Fuck that, I'm not paying shit, AND I'm not going to prom. I have better things to put my money to, for example the $1000 deposit for NYFA. I don't care about all these other things. I'm just gonna pick up my diploma on the last day of school.
What else is there to bitch about?.......Hmm, nothing's coming to mind.
Moving on...
I'm like this close *gestures* to killing my 15 yr old cousin. That little bitch is using my name on myspace, and I don't trust her, she's a little skank. I hope she gets knocked up soon.....or better yet, I hope she gets herpes. That would make me happy. I mean....how big of a bitch can you be, to delete your own family, then pretend to be them. I swear to god I'm gonna choke her if I see her. And she's afraid of me. I spit on her name *spits*.
Now let's talk about anime...I know you're thinking I have alot of drama in my life right now. Well, I do. So, anyways I've been watching Shura no toki. It's a pretty okay series. It's about the legendary Mutsu family and the Mutsu enmei ryuu. Pretty hot shit. It focuses on 3 Mutsus: Yakumo Mutsu(eps. 1-7), his son Takato Mutsu(eps. 8-13), and Izu..something Mutsu. Totatlly forgot the last dude's name. But it teaches some Japanese history: the tokogawa, Musashi Miyamoto, Jubei Yagyu, etc. I like, you guys should check it out, if you haven't already seen it.
I've also found this other series, The melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya. I haven't fully watched it yet. It's so hard to find the dub. I have nothing against subs, but like....I speak english. If I want to read, I'd get a book. But from what I've seen so far, it's pretty interesting. I think the only series I've watched in subs without bitching about it would be The prince of Tennis.
Can't show a pic, all I keep getting is nasty doujinshi, but if that's to your liking, google's a click away.
And I really wish some of these people would stop making Live action versions to the animes. Or atleast let the Americans do it. I think we do a good job of turning animation into good live actions. I saw the sailor moon live action.....I'm still having nightmares.
I took the SATs for the second time on saturday. The second time isn't so bad....but I still don't want to see a math problem or a book right now. My brain feels exhausted.
I think it's time to end this long rantful bitchy post. And I'll end it with a classic...
This is funny, someone on veoh, left me a comment: "you suck". I have no idea why that person left such a comment, but I found it very funny.
Would anyone happen to know the anime this character is from? I saw the pic on someone's veoh profile, and I'm, oddly enough, afraid of asking that person where it's from. So, if you know, please inform me.
So, what crazy things have been happening? Let's see: I think I might have a crush on this guy in my 6th and 7th period classes. I think he's really cute, and funny, and he dresses very nice. Wears a different pair of sneakers everyday-.-, but he dresses nice. Today in Health(6th pd.) we were reviewing some stuff for the midterms, and then we took a little quiz, and with the free time we were all playing around. We resorted to throwing paper, me, Jazzy, Arielle, Darius, Ashley, and Bryan. It was so funny, until Arielle and Ashley poked Bryan in the butt with their pens, and he accused me of doing it. That loser, probably wanted me to do it, and I was going to, teehee. So, we had fun, threw little pieces of papers, and a green M&M, which Bryan tried to throw down my top, sucks for him though, I punched him in his.....area, lmao, gaud that shit was funny. Then we attacked him in the halls, luckily he cut 7th pd, so I was safe from him then. It was pure childish fun. We'll never have days like that again.
My english teacher called my historical romance novel filthy. But it isn't!!!!! All the "filthy" stuff are boring as hell, I only like the book because of the drama. It's like reading a script out of The Bold And The Beautiful. Erm, some hip hop groupies sat next to me on the train. Oh Jesus lord, I was so tempted to stab one of the girls in the neck with my bookmark. She sounded like an asshole, not to mention she sounded like an asshole! Ranting about her prada shoes, what she's gonna wear to the concert, how she wants to see bow wow. Ugh, gave me a headache I couldn't continue reading my book. I hate ghetto ass project chicks. If I had my way I'd....*thinks*.....oh dear, I think I might be a tad bit racist.
Just the other day, my gay best friend and I were talking about lynching stupid people. Does that make us evil?
I finally went to HMI (school for gay kids), and saw 1 of my long time friends who transferred there (she's straight). I LOVE IT THERE!!!! Plus they cook and serve dinner at 6pm!! I was stuffed, dancing with the fags, and having a blast. I felt at home. I'm probably the biggest fag-hag you'll meet. I wish some people knew how much fun the gays can be.
Wat else is there to know....erm, the party last friday was fun, I was drunk of course, and I wasn't the only one, probably why it was fun. I ate like a pig after the party. I just had a Corona....I think I maybe on the path of alcoholism (I know, that's not good), and my boobs got smaller. TMI? Yes. Do I care?....Not likely, but do you all still love me? Yes! And I love you all. *group hug!!!!!!*
I found this new anime by accident, a while back. Ergo Proxy. It's really cool, I like it. But this can't simply be coincidence....
It's kind of cool, in a scary way though. Although, the character seems to fit Amy Lee...erm, on the whole demanding gothic chick thing. I don't know, it just works. But it's a really cool anime, so check it out if you haven't.
I think that's it for now. I'm really tired, I'm here forcing myself to read...I really like the book, but me so sleepy. I'll give myself 5 more pages.
So, volleyball season is over. We didn't make it to the playoff, only the top 2 teams made it, my team was third in the league. We only need one more stinking win. I think I might be MVP this year, or High Scorer. I already have a High Scorer trophy :P, me no want another.
I'm dancing again now that I've got volleyball out of the way. And I tried something that I saw my friend do, and if you've seen the video that in my profile, you'll know what I'm talking about. That backwards roll thing. My friend did it at our first rehearsal, so I went home and tried it tuesday....well I tried just bending in that position, using the couch to help me balance. So now that I've got my balance and fear out of the way, I finally did it lastnight. It was fun, but I'm not sure if my hands are position correctly, I find that I push myself up from my waist and then I use my hands to rol gently on my neck. Tis fun.
Also I think my extensions are getting better. I can kick higher, and stretch on really high things without that horrible inner thigh pain. So that's good. My splits are getting better, I'm getting more flexible, even more flexible than my mother; she really puts me to shame. I know my mother used to dance when she was younger, but I don't know what style. And I doubt I care, I just know she's bendy.
And in other news, I love Veoh, and VeohTV. All I do now is watch anime, and I have friends at school who are anime freaks, but I never knew. Then I told them about veoh, and they love me more, lol.
Now I have a problem with this Samurai X OVA thing. I don't like the ending. I'm mad Kenshin died, and that "love" scene was bullshit.
Raunchy? Yes, but is it proof? yes. Case closed.
My nephew is so adorable, and RUDE! How he kicks me out of my own room, I'll never know. But I still love that little snot nosed punk. Here are some recent pics....
I'm not wearing pointe shoes, and en pointe should only be done on pointe shoes. DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME!
Need I say more? No.
AGENDA
*Go to first senior dance.....(party) friday.
*Go to Ihop after party.
*No school monday.
*Get twisted saturday.
*Senior trip January 25-27: Have fun :P
Quote
Yusuke- "and I'm waiting for you to pull your head out of your ass, but it doesn't look like it's going to happen any time soon.".....or something like that :)
Erm, well things have been going good so far. Note that I said so far. I've gotten better at volleyball; my serves are consistent, and untouchable....except for our last game, the other team won, but they had to fight for it. We lost in over time 29-27 (25-24*my team*--25-24*other team*--29-27). We kept tieing up eachother, so either teams had to get 2 points to win, which really sucks, because we could've won if we had better communication.
Dance season is up and running now. We had auditions yesterday. We had to do some choreography with spins, but we had to spin on our right leg, in a left cycle. That was hard, I'm so used to doing spins on my left leg in right cycles. But I did it, none-the-less.
I got detention yesterday, because a security guard was being an asshole. I did nothing wrong. All I did was take the elevator to quickly go put something in my locker, when school wasn't in session. Now detention is from 7-7:45 am, I'm not having that at all. I walked away from him, because I was gonna go off on him, and I'm to the point where I wanna explode.
So, I get home, and my nephew's mother called, saying she had something important to talk to my mother about. Apparently JJ's blood lead level is a 10. 10 and up is bad. So now they've gotta call 411, get lead-based paint inspectors, etc. etc. And it's overwhelming for me, because I'm pissed with the way the school year is going, then this detention thing, and now this? My head hurts, I'm overwhelmed, and I just feel soo broken. JJ's not even 3 yet, and now he's gotta deal with this. I can't sleep, because I keep picturing him gone, and it's so frustrating, and I'm just so angry!!!!
I stopped going to therapy for my depression a month ago, I got tired of it, and I'm not going back. I don't feel sorry for myself, I'm just a really angry person, and I'm ok with that. But this issue with JJ hit me sideways. I hate this, and it's so sad. I was the first person in the family to hold him, I named him......it's not fair.
In other news, I'll be 18 in.....6 or 7 weeks I think(dec. 7th). I'm happy about that. I'll finally be able to get a job, and I'll finally get access to my trust fund. That's good. I'm not going to college, because I'm going to THE NEW YORK FILM ACADEMY for the 2 yrs acting conservatory. And I'll continue my ballet training. All in all, my life sucks, my school has a staff of retards, and a classmate in my English class offered me sex, oh yes, life couldn't be sweeter.....-.-
!!HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME, HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR KOBE, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME 
