Saturday, July 22, 2006

   Disconnection (PLEASE Read and Spread the Word!!!)
Hey everybody. I’ve got some bad news. Really bad news.

As I mentioned last time, Josh is grounded, so I went for a solo manga-run on Tuesday. Before I went, I let my brother on my computer to play his stupid free online RPG “Runescape” or whatever while I was gone. When I got back, he was screwing with my art-supplies (my ruler, to be exact), which I specifically asked him not to mess with before I left, and have specifically asked him not to touch every time I let him use the computer in my room. Naturally, despite this, he gets into my stuff every single time, and his only response is an un-heartfelt “oh, sorry”. Naturally, I got a little mad, just like I always do. But my mom came in and started ramping the argument up and up. I tried to leave the argument and say “fine, whatever, I give up”, but my mom wouldn’t let me leave it.
On top of that, she apparently decided to defend my brother’s right to mess with my stuff in my room while I’m gone. She’s the only woman on the planet who could defend that kind of action. Her favoritism is so obvious.

But that, unfortunately, is not the bad news.
For some unknown reason, she came to the conclusion that the solution was to take my computer out of my room. That’s the bad news.
She says that the computer’s been the source of so much strife between me & my brother (mainly that even when I’m nice enough to stop what I’m doing, let him in my room and use my desk to play his retarded little RPG, and then get mad when he continues to annoy me in my own room despite that showing of kindness), that it’s easier just to remove the source of that “strife”.
I have no idea where that came from. That was the most random incident for her to decide such a big thing on.
In case you’re wondering, by grace of God I’m currently posting using my Dad’s laptop.

Guys, I know it sounds pathetic, but I really, really don’t want to lose my computer.
I don’t use my computer for games. I don’t have a single game for it, and I don’t ever play Internet games.
I don’t use the computer for frivolous chatting with friends. I don’t have AIM, and I’ve never had it or used it in my life.

I use my computer for artwork. That’s all I use it for, and that’s all I’ll ever use it for. Here and on Deviant Art.
I need that satisfaction, that boost that comes from being able to look at other peoples’ artwork, and hear what they have to say about mine.
Being a part of an Art Community is why I turn down doing drugs. I get enough of a high from being here and talking with other artists about what makes us artists.
I don’t want to be cut-off from that. I know it sounds pathetic, but being here was what gave my life its day-to-day meaning. I was interacting, growing, learning, and preparing myself for bigger things in life that will revolve around my artwork. Lord knows I need the improvement.

This past week I’ve had to face the prospect that I might lose all connection with you guys here on The Otaku and all the artistic learning I receive by being here. Accordingly, this past week has been long, boring, depressing and downright miserable. I just learn so much by being here, and my mom wants to cut me off from that?

This was quite possibly the absolute worst thing she could have done to me: Cut me off from the learning, constructive environment here. Without access to my art community, my days feel empty and meaningless, merely because I’m no longer learning anything within them and instead have a day full of hollow boredom.
Don’t think that I can’t go a day or 2 without computer or something; that would be pathetic (besides, I kinda’ proved that when I spent a week in Williamsburg). It’s the fact that I’m now faced with the idea I may not be able to use the computer at all….indefinitely.
I’ve been too stressed out to read any in my Summer Reading, and that is not a good thing.

Another factor to consider is how vital my computer was to my artwork.
More than half of my memory on that computer was used up with my Picture Folder containing mountains upon mountains of reference-artwork, tutorials, learning materials, diagrams and many other things to aid me when I drew something I wasn’t familiar with.
That’s how I drew: sat back at my desk, quiet, drew with my folder of reference art in front of me, while happily listening to my music.
In addition to all my reference work and tutorials, my computer also had ALL of my music on it. Without it, I can’t listen to my music, nor can I any longer watch DVD’s, edit artwork or even scan artwork.

Erin asked me to draw a birthday-picture of her character Nanashi for her for her recent birthday. I tried drawing it for her yesterday despite my computer being gone.
But without the picture of him to look at so I know what he looks like, and no reference for pose or facial-expression, it came out looking like crap.

I’ve been in an art-rut ever since summer began, and I was just now getting out of it. But then, this has to happen….
This is very likely my last summer I’ll have to focus on my artwork, and it’s already slipping through my fingers. It’s mostly gone already, in fact. My parents were contemplating making me get a job this summer, and since they didn’t do it this summer, they’ll assuredly do it next summer. I know I sound like a total whiner saying that, but it honestly has me quite scared.

Guys, I know I sound pathetic, especially to those of you who are good enough to not need your computer and reference artwork to draw well, but using my computer meant a lot to me.
It’d be one thing if she was taking away a video-game or something, but my computer isn’t a hollow pleasure like it is for most kids my age. My art-community is a learning experience. It’s a spiritual experience.

I’m scared, everybody. I’m really scared. I may not be able to see you guys anymore. I may not be able to talk with you or learn from you anymore. I don’t want that to happen. That’s the last thing I want to happen. You’re some of the most wonderful people I know. I don’t want to lose you.
The idea of losing you people….it’s caused me to cry a few times in these past few days. That was the first time I’ve cried in a good, long time. I don’t want to be cut-off from these wonderful learning experiences and you wonderful people.

I could really, really use some prayer right now, everybody. In fact, this is probably the time I’ve needed prayer the most from you guys.
It’s probably turning some of your stomachs to hear “someone going to pieces over loosing their computer”, but like I said, having this computer meant a lot to me. Not only is it one of the very few things I thought my hard word in school and at home had earned me, but it’s also my connection to the art-world.
Faced with this prospect…I could just really use a hug or something right now.

Isn’t this a wonderful thing to have happen the week before my birthday (July 25th)?

I don’t know when I’ll be able to check in with you guys next, nor do I know how often (or how rarely) I’ll be able to visit. I can’t scan art, I can’t edit art, I can’t post art, I can’t view your art, and my ability to even create art has been dealt a blow (keep in mind that I’m still learning how to be an artist, and taking away my learning tool is just down-right savage).

Erin-chan….I don’t know when I’ll be able to finish your birthday picture. Even if I manage to get it done, I don’t know if and when I’d be able to scan it.

Everybody, please, please, PLEASE be praying for me throughout this. Pray that this bullshit will be over soon and that I’ll be able to get back to my fellow artists here on The Otaku. I don’t want to be separated from you guys or the art-community any more.

Please do me the favor of spreading this news around The Otaku to any of my friends who may not already know yet. Thank you. <=(

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