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Saturday, September 15, 2007

Bad day...I guess...
Thanks for the commments. BTW I finally got the pics up because I finally got some camera time. Before, my sis wouldn't let me use the camera much. That's how I got my fan art up.

I'm supposed to pick a manga up at the library, but I'll have to do it tomorrow. I forgot what it was. Maybe it's The wallflower vol. 2. Did I mention that I was reading it? ANyways, I am. It's really good. I like it because it's about (practically) an emo girl who excuses herself for being so...dark (and creepy maybe) by saying it doesn't really matter how you look like if you're ugly. Deal with it. Hide away in the darkness where no one can find you. Yeah, that's how I was feeling earlier. And it was all for a stupid reason.

(Warning: May have some swearing in the next section.)

Bad day, huh? It all started because my mom thinks that my room is messy. BTW I share it with my youngest sis who is annoying and leaves her stuff on the ground. I'm like WTF. Why is Mom blaming me for my sis's stuff? I'm older, so what? She's supposed to take care of herself. Plus, she's already in the fourth grade. Actually, she looks like she's 12, but she's only 9. She's so spoiled. Damn...Some people are so lucky. I'm not a real big fan of my little sis. And it's not cause she's so spoiled either. It's cause she's just...so annoying...in so many ways too. Ugh!!!

*sigh of relief* That felt good. I'm not done yet though. My mom got really mad at me for the messy room, right? It's not so messy to me. I know where my stuff is. I organized it, but because I have so much stuff, it looks messy. She's saying my organization skills are bad then, right? No, she's saying I don't know how to organize the right way. Such a conservative...whatever. Now there's a right way and wrong way to organize things. So does that mean I have to eat the right way too? What about dress the right way. Write the right way. Draw the right way. Walk the right way. Sit on the toilet the right way?
This is crazy. Maybe I just don't like being told what to do. She keeps criticizing my room. And I don't like it, but she won't stop. THis is what I was thinking the whole time she told me everything I did or had was wrong. (Jackassholemutherfuckingbitch) Damn!!!!!!!!! It doesn't make me feel better, so there was really no point in saying it. It's not nice to call your mother that, so I didn't think too far into any scheme of revenge or anything. And I hope not to. Right now, she's not so evil, but soon she will be again. Saying that I'm a teen and a girl, which means (because of my sex and age) I should be making the breakfast in the morning and etc. I'm like...can't my bros do that too? Plus, I like to sleep in. Highschool is too stressing, but they won't listen. I mean, they have jobs, so they must be tired too. So I tell them I'm weak, but they won't listen none either, so...whatever.

Right now, I'm carrying around a black umbrella and my emo cloak. It makes me feel safe. This morning when my mother stared going through my sis and my stuff (throwing things out, even though she didn't know what it was), I was so scared. I ran downstairs and grabbed my stuff I had left down there and then ran back upstairs to my room. I collapsed on my bed shaking. Man, I was so scared of her. I was literally trembling all over. It was the creepiest feeling ever. This is why I'm so obedient to my parents most of the time. If I'm not, I'll go back into my emo state of shivers. This sucks. I'm so weak. Don't say I'm not because I know I am right now. Please don't say, "You're not weak." or something like that. You can't know more about a person than they know about themselves. It's true actually; just not apparent to the person. They know it inside, but don't think of it. Only when someone says something, then they know more about themselves cause they finally have a name for the "feeling" that describes them. Oops! I'm philosophizing online.

That's all for today. My day kinda sucked, but I drew a cool pic for my AID class. (Apparel/Interior Design)

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