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Saturday, May 19, 2007


Angels and indesicion
What happens to a dream differed?
Does is sag, like a heavy load...or does it explode?

(taken from a Langston Hughes poem)

It was my sincerest dream to undertake this year's American Experience class as a personal challenge- to see the AP exams as a larger metaphor for anything worth doing to my fullest,for rising to an occasion. Looking back upon both Ap exams (which were reasonable in length and difficulty) I can say I have no rational regrets, save only that my victories were quiet, my struggles unappreciated by all but one.

And at this point I question my motives- my reason for ranting. Our instructor gave his all to us, and in a moment of inspiration I gave all I could before the college board, bore my heart and soul- my passion for learning, my desire for success and appreciation. At the heart of the matter I'm not ashamed in any way, or even disappointed of the class- or even the instructor. I wish only that I could have through my own personal virtue become 'noteworthy' as he so eloquently said.

I had hoped to be seen for who I am as a person, deeper than first glance, far more sensitive than any would outwardly sense- I thought my classmates and teacher could perhaps understand this much from the level of honesty and personal revelation from my writings in the class until this point. Perhaps I just desired...acknowledgment? Acceptance? Understanding?

salvation?


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