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Wednesday, March 25, 2009

   I need mental help.....
I seriously hate myself sometimes. I'm not really sure what to think, and it's been a while since i've had a problem like this.

saturday night I hung out with this guy i've liked for a while. We don't see eachother often because he's always busy (he's a model, photographer, actor, director, etc. etc). Anyway, I was extremely shocked when he kissed me. It was exciting and all, but I didn't think it would mean much because (I guess you have to know the guy to understand). Well, he has this insane ex girlfriend who is still obsessed with him and i found out yesterday that they still hang out a lot and I saw pictures on facebook and whatnot. that and i haven't even talked to the guy since saturday. I don't know what to think. I mean, I knew he was too good to give two shits about me anyway, but it was still weird.

Another thing: Exactly one year ago I had a best best best best friend. He was amazing and we were inseparable basically. We hung out every day over the summer. But the only problem was, we got into fights almost daily. Small ones of course, but sometimes they were quite bad. Well, one day we got into a huge one and after that our friendship basically ended. I miss the kid like crazy but he changed a ton and its extremely hard to be around him now. He was more or less "in love" with me, and he was bitter because i only saw him as a friend, and told everyone that I "lead him on." Well, his mom left me a facebook comment last night about how much she missed me, and I just started crying. It made me realize how much i've lost in that short amount of time.

damn, this is a rant, and no one is going to read all the way through, but i have to get my feelings out somehow without people judging me.

next on the list is one of my best friends. I hooked her up with my friend that she liked, and it turns out he likes her too which is very exciting. They're actually on their first date as we speak. Only, I just wish she would stop bragging to me. Im so happy for her and It makes me feel good that I can find people for OTHER people, but at the same time, it makes me remember that I'm still alone and its going to stay that way for a while.

And I don't even want to get into the family situation. I can't stand my sister, My dad hates me (he just got off house arrest finally) and my mom isn't happy if she's not screaming at the top of her lungs about something. Im 18. I need to get out of there as soon as possible because they all hate me and I can't stand them.

On a lighter note: vegas and arizona trip in one week and i can't WAIT to get away from all this depression!

sorry about the rant, its been a tough week on my emotions.

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