Friday, April 10, 2009

Just a Few at a Time:::
Our View of Vegas from the 29th Floor of our Hotel Room:



My Friend and I being silly:




Me Posing for Prada. Everyone Says I should be a mannequin:



The Eiffel Tower:



Desert Sunset:



Again:




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Tuesday, April 7, 2009

   Viva Las Vegas
Hey everyone, sorry I haven't updated or visited any of y'all in a while. I've been in Vegas/Arizona for the past week, and I haven't been online much. I'm leaving for Michigan tomorrow so I'll be able to visit everyone and catch up. I'll also post pictures for those of you who wanted me to, and tell everyone a little bit about the trip! Hope everyone had a good week (and for those of you on spring break, hope that was fun!)

I'll update and visit everyone once I'm finished unpacking and am settled in and everything!!

Peace Out.
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Monday, March 30, 2009

Every tiny lyric heard makes me think of you know who.
I wrote two poems:

~*~RAINBOW MEMORY~*~
And the sky rained purple this evening
Sheathing all creation in warmth
Dazzling the eyes of the beloved
Unearthing true feelings within.
Your face swims in the past
And though the feelings come and go
Behind closed lids it’s just you and me.
And the sky rained scarlet upon my chest.
Pressure folds the senses
A velvet caress
Blinding the path
Forlorn and torn
Until sage and emerald intertwine
In a sensual dance of deceit.
Your eyes swim in the past.
And though battered sienna blends
In a mix of aqua and dust
The stare bores deep into esoteric chambers,
Pulsing, breathing, feeling.
And the sky rained indigo that night.
Swirls of smoky somber cloud and jasmine
Taste the evening passion.
Your hands swim in the past.
Gentle and warm,
Weaving a well-known pattern across spectral skin,
Familiar though new.
So new, she bleeds aquamarines.
So new, yet perfect. Familiar.
The sky rained atramentaceous despair
As footsteps disintegrated into gravel.
Cerulean winds surge and falter,
Rippling a farewell.
Your love swims deeply in the past.


~*~UNTITLED (for now)~*~
Worthless invisible
Hit n run
Say hi when I see you
Goodbye means were done
Don’t know where to find you
If you’re even there
Sick to my stomach
And nobody cares.
Worthless, invisible,
Hit n run,
You just wanted a little fun.
Forgetting the damage goes beyond repair,
And I sit and condemn the heartless affair.
Worthless invisible
Hit n run
Your silence is hollow
A black, empty gun
I mean nothing to you
I cannot compare
As I saunter coldly
You go unaware.
And though it’s not fair
I cannot compete
The empty feelings
The lies and deceit.
Worthless invisible
Hit n run
Pick up the bullets
And fill up the gun
Whisper goodbye
Painted lips of despair
One final kiss
As the shots pierce the air.





the second one was written about the thing i mentioned in a previous post. i'm confused still and haven't been like this in a while. If I could get some answers I'm sure id be able to sleep peacefully. and now I have to wait a week to see him. Him wanting to hang out with me again....good or bad? i'm not sure, but i will find out.

I leave for vegas/arizona wednesday. Maybe i'll even post pictures up here...maybe.
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Saturday, March 28, 2009

Thank You Guys.
the advice/console means a lot to me. Still feeling pretty down, but hopefully that'll end soon.....hopefully. I hate feeling lonely, and I really want to write a poem but I don't really have the words...just feelings. im sure something will come to me soon.

but yeah, even when im hanging out with friends, I still feel isolated....i'm sick of it.


well, thank you all for taking the time to read my ranting and if anyone ever needs anything I will return the favor... :)
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Wednesday, March 25, 2009

   I need mental help.....
I seriously hate myself sometimes. I'm not really sure what to think, and it's been a while since i've had a problem like this.

saturday night I hung out with this guy i've liked for a while. We don't see eachother often because he's always busy (he's a model, photographer, actor, director, etc. etc). Anyway, I was extremely shocked when he kissed me. It was exciting and all, but I didn't think it would mean much because (I guess you have to know the guy to understand). Well, he has this insane ex girlfriend who is still obsessed with him and i found out yesterday that they still hang out a lot and I saw pictures on facebook and whatnot. that and i haven't even talked to the guy since saturday. I don't know what to think. I mean, I knew he was too good to give two shits about me anyway, but it was still weird.


Another thing: Exactly one year ago I had a best best best best friend. He was amazing and we were inseparable basically. We hung out every day over the summer. But the only problem was, we got into fights almost daily. Small ones of course, but sometimes they were quite bad. Well, one day we got into a huge one and after that our friendship basically ended. I miss the kid like crazy but he changed a ton and its extremely hard to be around him now. He was more or less "in love" with me, and he was bitter because i only saw him as a friend, and told everyone that I "lead him on." Well, his mom left me a facebook comment last night about how much she missed me, and I just started crying. It made me realize how much i've lost in that short amount of time.


damn, this is a rant, and no one is going to read all the way through, but i have to get my feelings out somehow without people judging me.


next on the list is one of my best friends. I hooked her up with my friend that she liked, and it turns out he likes her too which is very exciting. They're actually on their first date as we speak. Only, I just wish she would stop bragging to me. Im so happy for her and It makes me feel good that I can find people for OTHER people, but at the same time, it makes me remember that I'm still alone and its going to stay that way for a while.

And I don't even want to get into the family situation. I can't stand my sister, My dad hates me (he just got off house arrest finally) and my mom isn't happy if she's not screaming at the top of her lungs about something. Im 18. I need to get out of there as soon as possible because they all hate me and I can't stand them.


On a lighter note: vegas and arizona trip in one week and i can't WAIT to get away from all this depression!

sorry about the rant, its been a tough week on my emotions.
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Monday, March 23, 2009

Well I guess its been a while.
i've been so busy. this evening was the first time i've cried hysterically in almost a week, and i kid you not, thats like a world record for me.

I had the most amazing weekend ever..... Got to see someone i've wanted to see for a while.

and other things. i'm too depressed right now to elaborate....i hope that mood changes soon.

i'll leave y'all comments whenever im in a better mood.

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Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Mini Week
oh man, this week is completely messed up.

we had tuesday off because the juniors were taking the ACT and then today and tomorrow we had to come in at 10 because sophomores and juniors have more testing. hah hah..... suckers.

but we got our caps and gowns today and tomorrow we're taking the class picture. oh boy.... and we have over 700 seniors!!!! maybe more than that. i don't even know


anyway, i went with my friend to get a tattoo on monday night. she got a clover and its pretty awesome. went to a bonfire, watched stepbrothers, and slept.

my mom and I got into a huge fight yesterday and she told me she wanted me out, so i started packing up my things..... i never realized how much pointless stuff i have! i don't like throwing things away at all, so i still have like random pictures and stuff lying around that i really DON'T need, but don't want to throw away. you know how that is?

Danny Gokey and Adam Lambert are my american idols haha

and while I'm at it, i've been obsessed with this song lately...

Standing by the window
Eyes upon the moon
Hoping that the memory will leave her spirit soon
She shuts the doors and lights
And lays her body on the bed
Where images and words are running deep
She has too much pride to pull the sheets above her head
So quietly she lays and waits for sleep

She stares at the ceiling
And tries not to think
And pictures the chain
She's been trying to link again
But the feeling is gone

And water can't cover her memory
And ashes can't answer her pain
God give me the power to take breath from a breeze
And call life from a cold metal frame

In with the ashes
Or up with the smoke from the fire
With wings up in heaven
Or here, lying in bed
Palm of her hand to my head
Now and forever curled in my heart
And the heart of the world

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Saturday, March 7, 2009

PURE ROMANCE
so I went to my friend's 18th birthday party last night from my old school, so i haven't seen any of them in quite some time.


and I come to find out she's having like this 18+ type party and this lady comes with a bunch of sex stuff

haha it was great having some old lady pass around vibrators and lubes.

seriously, it was like watching a live version of talk sex with sue johansson. AWESOME!


Yeah, after that, well....we played singstar and rock band lmfao


got a bit of a headache today xDxD

but i'm going to rest until about 4, and then i have another 18th birthday party to go to...of course, this one is going to be pretty clean.
haha

phew.... we started a new trimester on thursday...got some pretty cool new classes... and then i'm out of high school for good in about 2 months!
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Wednesday, March 4, 2009

cuz we all need a little controversy!
man i don't think I know what i've gotten myself into! im not even FROM oklahoma! haha
if a person is going to put a youtube video on the news, shouldn't they have to get permission from the video owner?
what if i don't want to be on the news? haha well its too late now!
check it out.

http://www.ksbitv.com/home/40749722.html?video=YHI


assholes.... >.<
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Friday, February 27, 2009

Somewhere In Oklahoma.....
I got an unexpected email today from the owner of Redux Beverages...Apparently mine and my friends' photo is on a news website for Oklahoma, which probably means its somewhere in their newspaper as well.... It's all because some dumb representative is trying to get "cocaine" the energy drink banned or whatever, and he used our picture for the article.


Ok seriously, government officials should worry more about gas prices, job loss, and REAL druggies instead of trying to get a harmless energy drink banned.


talk about fucked up priorities.

If you want to check it out, here's the link:

http://consumerist.com/5160558/oklahoma-congress-has-cocaine-the-drink-party-stays-up-all-night-debating-ban-grinding-teeth


it's completely ridiculous.


anyway, my birthday was yesterday....kinda lame for an 18th, but whatever. I got two goldfish haha (i WANTED a puppy!)

anyway, how are all you guys doing? any weekend plans?


peace.
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