Monday, December 13, 2004

   ZzZzZzZz...
GAH!

Darnit... I'm so full of it. >w< It's 1 am on the clock and I just finished reviewing for tomorrow's exams... Geez... @_@ I wanna go to bed and sleep. X_x

Something's preventing me from doing so... Err... I dunno what it is... >w< Well... Two reasons!

1) I'm not yet sleepy-- insomniac that is.

2) I wanna surf the net-- internet addict. >w<

WAH~

This afternoon was a major brain drain. >w< I took my Geometry test without studying. *sighs* Gotta prepare for.. ahem.. punishment from my 'rents. >w< Well, I don't even know if I passed that test or not. @_@ Hmm... Got a nice result in World History though... >w< WAH! But I really regret what I did... >w< I accidentally interchanged two of my answers! Grr... >o< On the contrary, I only have two mistakes... *sighs* What a relief!

Ara? Our teacher in PEHM-- Mr. Victor (I call him Sir Viki despite of his manhood :P), has been acting weird lately. o.O He's got his eyes set on us everytime. >w< Before I went home a while ago, he stared at me. Grr.. Puh-lease, it's rude to stare. >w<

That reminds me, he made us-- the third year students wait for nothing. -_-; We were expecting his PEHM test this afternoon. Patiently, we waited for almost an hour, but hey, he approached us and said something like, "Girls, I'll just reschedule your test. Just study for tomorrow." Ex-cuuuse me?! >w< Argh... Even Lea was pissed at him. @_@ Oh well, figures though... This guy's got a 'crush' on Lea so.. No doubt he wanted her to stay at the classroom for a while. LMAO~

Wush~

I wasn't able to go to Gamezone today. Reason is, I know that I won't find them there. Them-- Onee-chan and the others. I went there yesterday though... Well, I only found Mark-- Marlon's half brother. Oh! And Oliver-- Jericho's brother. Was with my cousin-- Benj. He's one year older than me. -_-; *smiles slightly* I have this unnatural attachment to him. o.O LOL! Unnatural attachment?! Am I really saying this?? ^^;;; Honestly, I admire him in a way. Somehow attracted to him, but don't get me wrong people! >w< Gah! What? You know what I mean! >w<

Hmm... *thinks deeply*

Kreeya... Sigh... I dunno what's going on in her head... I want to talk to her and tell her what i really, really feel for I have been worrying that she hates me now. I've been dreading to tell her everything because she might... Just do it again. She might just ignore it and tell me to forget what we talked about. I just want her to tell me the truth... What she hates about me, for instance. I'll gladly accept that fact and do my best to change it. o.O; Oh well... All I have to do is wait 'til I gathered up all my courage. >w< I do not have the guts.. yet. Not now... Not tomorrow. I don't know when... -_-;

*rereads the paragraph above*

Whoah! So much for that! ^^;; Hahah... Guess it will be a g'bye for now, ne?

'til then, ja~


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Sunday, December 12, 2004

ara? o.O
WAAAIIII~

Tomorrow's another day of excruciating pain with hardwork. >w< Another examination day.. -_-; And geez.. Am so nervous. I kept on reviewing but it seems like nothing's registering in my mind. >w< The heck was that all about?! o.O

Sigh...

Even so... I do hope that I'll do good tomorrow. -_-; 'sides, History and Geometry are my favorite subjects so... ^^; I just hope that the exam will be a breeze. >w<

Oh yeah! My cousins, aunts and my lola visited us today. ^_^ Mind you, today is my Mom's 50th birthday. =^^= Can you believe it? o.O She's 50 now! But she doesn't look like a 50-year old. -_-; To tell you the truth, she looks more like in her thirties. >w< As they call it, "baby-face". o.O

Another thing, my sister (real sister) and her boyfriend came too. =^^= It has been almost a month since the last time I saw them together. *_* Ah.. such loveliness. >w<

Ara? *tilts head* Kreeya did it again. -_-; Just a little while ago, I got a message from her asking me for the pointers for tomorrow's exams. Why the hell are they approaching me when they only need something from me?? o.O Oh well... I guess it's better that way. ^^;;; Heheh... I still love her though! I treasure our friendship and everything to the highest level! LOL! ^^;;; Wah! She really is contagious... in.. using phrases like that.. o.O; Heheh..

I guess that's it for now. 'til then, Ja~
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Friday, December 10, 2004

   wah~
Mochi~ We had our 3rd preliminary exams today. -_- Boy, the chemistry subject almost killed me. :P Wah! Sensei, how can you be SO mean? >> It's okay though... I liked the exam. :D

I decided to go visit the Gamezoners today after exams... Sadly.. :\ They weren't there. I wonder where they are? I was really hoping that I'd see them once in a while... @_@ I miss my onee-chan! >w< And her girlfriend, and Ed and.. GAH! Too many to mention! >w< That's it, I miss them all! ^__^

After finding out that they weren't there.. -_- I went straight home. Nah, didn't join Kreeya and Lea. Am not in the mood to join them... But, no, don't worry, we're in good terms right now! >w< It's not that I'm avoiding them! >w< I just wanna go home.

Gah! I was hooked in playing PS the whole day. -_-; Bad for my eyes.. O.o I even forgot to eat dinner. Mind you, I haven't eaten dinner yet. Yes, right now am starving! >w<

Ara? Yan's not online tonight... Figures... ^^;; Well.. I should be patient. Hmm.. If she doesn't go online at any time tonight that means she doesn't have internet load Sou, sou.. *nods* That's the reason. O_O; ^^;

WAH~ Am gonna grab something to bite! Am starving~ >w<
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Tuesday, December 7, 2004

   Mou..
Mochi~

>w< I was late for school today... Wah! Huh.. The headmistress even notified me that I was 20 minutes late for class.

Heheh... When I arrived at the classroom, they were all having a test-- Chemistry subject. Somehow, I managed to pass it. :D Tanoshii~ I was really surprised when everybody else got zero because I wasn't able to study for the test and I wasn't aware of it. *rolls eyes* Wonder why... Oh well... But heck, was really shocked to know that they all failed it. o.O Hm, didn't perfect it though. ^^; Just got 3 out of 5. Thankfully, I still passed. *bounces*

During recess, I kept on teasing Christa to this teacher (Victor's the name). *sly smile* She was really pissed but not angry. :P We're sisters and couldn't get angry to each other.

Huh... Jericho attended his classes too. Ah! He has changed a lot eversince I wrote him a letter. Am happy for him. =^^= Though he's still the serious-silent type, he now knows how to socialize a bit. :D Hmm... The only problem is, he is really doing my request... ^^; My request? I wrote it in the letter.. well.. ^^; It's.. uhh... *rolls eyes* Fine... Smile always coz you look so cute when you're smiling. LOL! I wrote that?! o.O Hahah... ^^;; I guess I did. Was just trying to befriend him... >w<

Oh! Some kind of good news but I dunno if I'll accept it as a good news... Well, my English teacher proclaimed me as a chief editor of some kind of a school paper or something like that... Heh... *rolls eyes* I don't want to be an editor~ >w< Am not good at writing pieces and stuff. :P Honestly? It's just too much responsibility... Err? Or am I the only one thinking that way? Eh? Huh, right after that he asked us to do his character sketch... Mou... @_@ Just finished writing that a couple of hours ago. :D

Wai! Another good news is.. I went home early today~ YAY! >w< So unusual, ne? :P Why? I always arrive at home around 7 or 8 in the evening. *sighs* I miss Kuya Jonathan and the others though... I owe those guys lots! I haven't seen them for almost a month. *sighs again* Well, I've been avoiding them... There are two reasons-- one, I don't want Kreeya to get another wrong impression on me and two, I don't want my other friends to say that I betrayed them. Hmm... I'll visit them sometime soon.. I hope...

Oh, one more thing, I talked to Pat-chan a while ago. Guess she's okay now. Hmm... She can't tell me the reason why she's avoiding us... Not yet. As she said, time will come. =^^= Am hoping for that.

Well, 'til then. Ja!
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Monday, December 6, 2004

   Omoshiroii~
Ah, lots of interesting things happened today.. *_*

I can't figure out what's happening to me. >w< I kept on switching moods and stuff. First, I went to school with a blooming face-- smiling and giddy. I even kicked butt in our Trigonometry seatwork. -_- Then, the next thing I know is that am really pissed at something. I dunno what's the reason... Well, I have theories why I've been like that.

First and foremost, Kreeya's making me really angry/pissed towards the way she's treating me like now. She's just SO different. Reason #1- she's avoiding me in a way. Reason #2- whenever she looks at me, it's like she's looking at some kind of a stranger. And lastly, Reason #3- she calls me by our petnames with a different tone-- some kind of a hesitating tone.

Well, second theory is-- Our English teacher. I'm so not contented with the way he teaches us. It's like I never learn a thing from him. >w< I find it way better to read the book than listen to his lectures. -_- 'Coz I don't learn a thing at all.

To be honest...? Based from what I just wrote and based on what I feel, it's mainly Kreeya's fault. I'm not blaming her or anything, and I don't want to blame her. I just wish she could hear me out sometimes. Even if we have an open forum, nothing happens. Those comments, grudges? Hah, they're doing nothing. They don't even bother to change.

I admit, I've been hated lots of times because I kept on doing tons of mistakes. But hey, I'm trying to change. Don't they understand that? Sometimes, I just tell myself, "Since I'm trying already, why won't they do the same?"

All I ask is just a little bit of understanding, friendship and loyalty. That's all...

Oh! Before I forget, it's Christa's birthday today. My sister (not really a sister, but we consider each other as sisters :D).

Hmm... I miss my puppy. It just so happens that she called me tonight but I, again, the stupid girl, was not able to answer it. >w< Haah.. Waruii, ne? -_-; Wah.. She can't go online 'til her exams are finished. Aw, but it's okay though.. :D Me understand. =^^= Exams are important and should not be neglected. Heheh...

Speaking of exams... o_O Our preliminary exams will be on Decemer 10, 13 and 14. Geez... Oh well... Have to prepare myself.. -_-

Hmm... Guess this is all for now. 'til then, ja~
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Saturday, December 4, 2004

...............................
Sigh...
My eyes are still sore from crying last night. Yes, my eyes are all red right now... My parents even asked why I'm like this, I just stayed silent and never answered them. I've been using a mask again... Pretending that I'm happy. I show them my smile but it was a fake smile... I just don't want them to worry about me...

Even now, I'm still the 'old' Desiree. The one unable to open up, the timid and shy in meeting people. The one who only talks when being talked to. I am the weak Desiree...

Recent events made me realize things though... I should learn how to be strong... Learn to stand on my own feet. Take all the risks because you'll gain something-- whether good or bad, it's worth all the hardships...

Though I realized it... It kills me that a certain someone has to...


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Friday, December 3, 2004

Hoping...
I hope that things will turn out all right...

I am still waiting for an answer...
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.........
Crying...

Why is it always like this?

These past few days, I've been rejected... They turn me down... All of 'em... As always like before, all of them pretended.. Pretended as if they care.

A lot of people tell you that they care... Well, for crying out loud, they actually don't! All of them are the same. ALL of them... Why am I always the one being rejected? Why am I always the one beeing isolated? Why am I always hated?

I've done my best to change but nothing happens. As usual, it results to even more pain... I isolate, I cry, and cry and nothing happens. They just don't care... Even my so-called friends aren't there for me...

Nobody cares for me...

Not even my parents...

Not even my friends...

Not even the person I truly care for...

This is the end of it, is it not?

I wish I could just... Sigh...

I wish I could just die right now. I'm so damn tired of my life... This is the second time it happened...

Somebody told me before... Cutting is not the solution.

Sigh... Is it not? Yeah, it won't do a thing.. But it will end it all. It will end all of your sufferings. It will put off the pain... It will cure you...

All those people who told you that they care, do you believe it? They gained my trust, they gained it all. But what more if it comes to this? You'll wake up finding yourself alone...

I'm always in the dark. Nobody ever cared for me... I'm always wrong and yes, they're always right.

Long ago, I always isolated myself from people.. I don't want to get hurt. But it only prolonged my sufferings.

I decided to change... At first you'll find happiness, develops into love... and... you end with tears...

Why is life so unfair sometimes? Am I fated to feel pain since birth? Sigh...

Life taught me a lot... But there's one lesson that I won't forget...

Love starts with a smile, develops with a kiss and always ends with tears.
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Thursday, December 2, 2004

   Tralalalala~
Current Music: My Happy Ending by Avril Lavigne
Current Mood: Happy, Loved

*laughs wildly*

No classes for today. >w< Why? It's because of the... heavy rain and strong winds? @_@; Oh well.. And yesh, am back in my okay mood.

I talked to my puppy last night and a while ago before she went to class. >o< ureshii... >w< Hmm... WAH~ I'd rather not talk about anything that happened last night... >w< 'cept that I kept on making my puppy jealous... *sly smile* KUKUKU! Evil me~ am not! >w< Grr... meow!

Sigh.. I'm stucked at home! Wah!! Me bored... >w< I wanna go to school~ Bleh~ OOH! Tomorrow's our card distribution day! YAY~ =^^= Me excited!!! YESH! >w< I wonder how my grades are? Can't wait~

I do hope that there'll be classes tomorrow!!! >w<

Hmm... It's freezing! Ara? Am gonna go play Legend of Mana for a while... =^_^=

Ta-tah for now! JA!
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Wednesday, December 1, 2004

   whoosh >o
Grrr... Grrrr.... ARGH!!! >w<

What now? This is my second entry for the day... >w< I'm so cold to other people right now. I accidentally shouted at my younger brother for no reason at all. Well, he's asking me to do his assignments.. -_-; ARGH! It is his own responsibility >w< Why the heck is he asking me to do it?! Darn... I'm such in a bad, bad, really bad mood tonight. I called up Kreeya a while ago with a cold voice. I tried to sound cheerful and stuff but it was no use. >w< Grrrr...

Another thing... >w<

Of all things, I hate... I really hate waiting! >w<

Yan-chan, if you're reading this right now, I'm not mad at you, okay? Maybe it's just because of my mood... >w< Argh... @_@ But the fact that I hate waiting is true... It really is a fact. >o<

Grrrr... Am gonna kill somebody... Ja~
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