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Thursday, March 30, 2006

Thankies. I'll try to be 100% better soon...once my mom gets over her depression and gets all better, and once spring break comes...I think I will be that much happier!! Just a little bit more than a week and then I'll be close to 100%. So much goes on in my mind that keeps me from sleeping...and no sleep makes depression and other crappy feelings more prevalent! So I need some good sleep...well, some time off from school and outside matters. ^^;

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Like usual, thanks my friends for commenting and caring about me! I was sorta being "abstract" with my last post...but that was the best way to express my feelings and what was going through my mind. For the most part, I had put words that described the nouns there...or verbs. If it really made sense to you, then I'm glad you could understand what I'm thinking...

I feel a bit better now...but still...off.

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Wednesday, March 29, 2006

   complex feeling

Tired, stress, mind, physical, talking, no more, too much, schedule, disruption, OCD, no sleep, sorry, it's me, not you, not right, exhausted, work, can't, understand, please, depression.

If you can understand this, then you can read my mind.

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Tuesday, March 28, 2006

   yes, another tired smiley!!

Anyhoo, thanks for commenting, you guys! Yeah, restaurant experiences...not usually good. Thanks Claes for complimenting my avatar!!! ^^ Now then, about last night...

The food sucked, as usual. We went to this more fancy restaurant and even had to "dress up." It was horrible!! Each dish was over $20!! And they tasted like crap! My mom always has the worst luck with going out to eat though. She got steak (it cost 37...^^;) and it was really chewy and tough. My food was ok, but my brother was an absolute pain!!! The waiter made a mistake and gave me his steak (which was medium rare as opposed to mine being medium). So he was complaining about it...and made me trade steaks...even though his (which was supposed to be mine) has this spicy sauce that I couldn't eat! Well, anyway, my brother is just soooooo annoying about everything. After dinner he was blaming me for all sorts of other crap, too.

Ugh, he's 25 but acts like he's 5. *sigh* He really needs a job, too...it's horrible. On a better note, I talked to one of my friends on MO on the phone last night!! Harvey! You're so great! I had a really great time talking to you though phone conversations are not my forte. ^^; I can't believe we talked so long, too!! Well, thanks! That was a special event for several reasons: 1.I hate talking on the phone but I enjoyed it 2. I used my cell phone, which I never use 3. the call lasted over an hour!! and 4.first time talking to a guy on the phone. ^^; *laugh* Sounds stupid, right?

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Monday, March 27, 2006


Goin' out to eat tonight...hope it's good, but unfortunately, whenever we go out to eat...the food sucks!! We just always have hillarious experiences at restaurants...like weird waiters, really really horrible food (I gotta tell you about some of my experiences sometime) etc...so I probably won't be online later tonight (somewhere between 5 and 7). We're doing this to give my mom a break so she doesn't have to be in the "poisonous kitchen"!

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   prom, wallpapers, pics, and Tsukuyomi

Lots of my friends don't want to go to the prom...so I'm not alone, thanks!! ^^ It's true though...it always seems that people complain after a dance. Nothing good tends to come from it. ^^; They're always "boring" or a "waste of time" or they lose their boyfriend/girlfriend during it. *laugh* So I guess I'm glad I'm not going. I've only been to one dance, but that's cause it was a mandatory one during a camp field trip thing. It was boring as heck!! I walked around with my friends and drew the whole time! So, yeah. ^^;

I made the Ginji wallpaper!! SO now there's just Shido and Jubei left to do! I hope that you guys like my wallpapers and pics! No one's commented on my Raine pic yet...but someone will, right? On another note, I changed my avatar today to Hazuki from the anime Tsukuyomi ~Moon Phase~. I've been currently watching that. It's really good! ^^ I'd suggest it to anyone! Well...I gotta go to class now...teehee. ^^;

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Sunday, March 26, 2006


Hey, thanks you guys...I'd glad that I have so many anti-social friends like me on here!! ^^ It is pointless to go to something that lasts a little bit...and you have to pay to get in! I'd only want to go if some hunky guy asked me. ^^; Or one of my really nice friends on here...who's also a junior...but he doesn't live near me. ^^; Anyhoo, thanks again! It's comforting to hear from ya', my friends. BTW, my Raine pic finally got up!! So check it out, ok? I drew her with some of my friends' requests in mind (as in those of you that wanted to see more TOS fanart from me! ^^).

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Oh well...no one commented on my post from yeterday!! Well, I guess it's ok since it wasn't really that important. ^^; *sigh* My pic still isn't up though!! I do hope they get it up soon...

Junior prom is comin' up...and am I going? No! I never go to dances. I have never been a "dance" person (not dance as in the actual activity of dancing, but "dance" as in going with a date and hanging out and whatnot....). *sigh* Lots of my friends are going, and they don't even have dates...but me being the anti-social person, completely shrugged it off. ^^; Now it's too late cause they finished selling the tickets. *sigh* It sucks...

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Saturday, March 25, 2006


Geez, MO takes forever to put my pics up! I submitted that Rain pic I was talking about last night, but they still haven't put it up! I tried submitting it again earlier today...and it still isn't on. *sigh* I guess they get lazy on the weekends or something.

Thanks you guys for carin' about my mom, too. She got some medicine to deal with severe allergic reactions, so let's hope that it works. She's also staying upstairs all the time instead of going into the kitchen. When she does, she wears one of those painters' mask things...I really hope that she gets better. ^^; It sucks seeing her like this.

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Thursday, March 23, 2006

   poor mommy

I love my mommy, yes, "mommy", more than anyone in the world. She's the best...I could never ask for a better mom. When she hurts, I hurt...when she cries, I cry. And she's been crying a lot recently...I should probably give you some background on what we've been doing at my house first though.

For the past month or more, we've been having renovations done in our kitchen...new counters, new stove, new tiles, everything. My mom didn't want it done, but my dad did. They at first said that it was only gonna take 1 week...HAH! That was such a lie...anyhoo, one day my mom had to talk to the workmen a lot and go into the kitchen while they were working with this chemical stuff for the counters. After that day, she's been getting allergic reactions almost everyday to it...whenever she goes into the kitchen, her eyes puff up, and her whole face burns.

So this crappy...crap...has been affecting her for a couple weeks now. And almost everyday, she gets angry, depressed, and cries, too...sorta like me. ^^; I try to help...I try to tell her to cheer up and things'll get better, but she just gets more angry. It's so frustrating! I've never seen my mom like this before...she complains about how "old" she looks now cause there's wrinkles under her eyes that weren't there before, though neither I nor anyone else in my family notices them. Practically each time she looks in the mirror, she cries. It's horrible...but whenever I try to say something, she says, "Thanks, but it's never going to go away...the damage is already done." I even told her last night that she's been really self-pitying, which she's never been before, but of course that made things worse.

I just wish I could help...she's been so depressed lately, but nothing will help. She says that she'll want to move, but I don't want that! I want her to be happy again--back to her old self. *sigh* Maybe I've been crappy and depressed a lot lately cause of her...like I said, it's like we're connected.

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