Thursday, August 21, 2003

   BUAHAHAHAHAHA
Evil Bitch Is I!!! I wonder why other ppl's suffering makes me giggle. Well there are exceptions. . .it's not all other ppl, it's ppl who are soft and mushy like a banana, when they suffer it's so. . .funny, enjoyable O_O. I can't even say I know for sure why, I just see it and giggle. Evil, thy name is Sarah -_-

O well, today was a cool day. As I mentioned before today has been dedicated to downloadnig and Markus, and now that Markus is sleeping, more downloading. I also talked to Sakura for a little while, enjoyable indeed. SHE MISSED ME, I feel so appreciated :blush: Heh, it was cool, I really want to talk to her more. Her abscense on the board just seemed wrong, I think.

*sings along with the pillows* well really it's mumbling since my japanese is crap, I can say good morning though, and. . .*thinks real hard* AMERICAN PERSON. ohio gozaimas America-jin, good morning american person. That's probably the wrong order or something, but I don't care.

Today is cleaning day, after I finish watching Furi Kuri I'm gonna clean clean clean, bathroom (again <_<) kitchen, the tiny mess in my room, and maybe some living room too. Then maybe I'll sleep because sleep is like cake, just o so damn good. *licks lips* ^_~

Anyway, on Saturday I'm SUPPOSED to get $300 from my dad for school supplies and clothes. I need to buy me some decent bras, the one I have on right now is poking me. Well, really they won't be that decent, I haven't bought decent underwear in ages, meaning it's all very provacative and slinky. To think I don't even have a boyfriend. O well, I have an underpant obsession, I have slinky sexy and really cute ones. I want to get the ones with the days of the week on them, I had them a real long time ago when I was little and also, I had the ones with the ruffles on the bum, BWEEEEEEE, they were so cool. te-he ^_^

*sigh* those were the days. I think I'm the dorkiest kid ever to have existed on the planet. By the time I was 13 I had EVERY single episode of All in the Famile and Good Times. BAHAHAHAHAHA, jesus I'm a nerd. All I need is the glasses and I'm set. I actually do need them it seems, I will transform from mundane plain Sarah to Sexy Librarian Extroardinaire. Oooo, the blushing in combination with the glasses, perfect, perfect indeed ^_~

BUAHAHAHAHAHAHA. . . . . . .I'm a bit more sexually inclined today than usual O_O;;
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AGA, the thing of dreams
It is 1:27 in the afternoon and I just had the very worst night of my life. I went to bed at around 6:30 or 7:00, just lounging around on my bed and staring at the cieling as is cutomary. Anyway at around 11:00 my mom woke me up to change the baby's pamper and to do some other random stuff for the boys. I did and then promptly proceeded to bed. So as I slept I began to have the strangest dream. I wanted to go to AGA, but my mom didn't want me to. She said she didn't have enough gas so I tell her I'll give her the money, but my sister who owes me the money says she doesn't have. I get really mad and kick this chair but I really can't kick it, I just sorta barely touch it. So then my grandmother who is there for some odd reason starts laughing at me and I leave to my room. Then in my room I notice that my furniture is arranged all wrong so I figure this must be a dream. . .Funny thing is now that I remember the furniture was arranged correctly. But anyway, after I realize that it is a dream i wake up myself up, but not really. In my supposed awake state I go and I buy a taco with my dad and then go back home. I'm tired so instead of eating my taco I just leave it somewhere and go to bed. Later in the day, I wake up and I begin to walk around the house and for some odd reason Karina is in my cousin's room sitting at a little table. She had bought me Subways, so I sit down and I eat with her. When we finish I remember about my taco and I go get it and I tell her, "I'm stuffed so I'll save this for AGA." Then she says, "Not me," and from under the table emerges a 2ft sub. Then I wake up, but once again not really, in the dream only. I see myself walking around and I run across my sister. I ask her, "Have you seen my taco?" and she tells me, "You already ate that." Again I dream that I wake up, I am in school and the busses all broke down. I am in deseperate need of a ride in order to get to AGA on time. I ask my cousin to give me one, and they complain and say that they do not have a car and have to walk. I decide I will walk with them until I get to the point where I turn to my house. As we walk instead of turning I keep going straight with them. We have to walk across the lawn of some old ppl and they're very nice. They know my cousins much better, but the old lady, who is dressed quite revealingly, offers me some tea. I say no and they have some conversation with my cousin as she pours water out of her plastic shoe. Anyway, we keep going and we have to cross the ocean, but I can't swim. Conveniently placed is this long red pipe which I cling to as I drag myself along the water. Then all of a sudden there is a splash and something bites my head, but I am not sure if it was a fish or my cousin. Either way, now as we cross the ocean there is more than just my cousins with me, there are a lot of ppl crossing, they have floties. We go inside a tunnel, it seemed and I try to grab a floaty that is idly bobbing around so I won't have to cling to my cousin anymore, but this guy who has three snatches it away from me. All of a sudden my cousin is not my cousin, but instead some blonde soap opera woman and the man who stole my floaty, her X-lover. They fight and I manage to steal a big one from him and me and my cousin sit on it. As we float along there is a door, we jump off the floaty and go through it, it's a door to my cousins' house and one of them has already reached it. I, then wearing a towel and realising that I have lost my sandals walk the rest of the way home. I get there but it is too late for AGA, the baby is sitting in his crib and its open all by himself. Somehow it comes to me that this has to be a dream and I start telling myself to wake up and I do. . .in the dream. I'm in my bedroom again and my mom has told me I can go to AGA, but I am really very sleepy and I can't get up. I fight with myself and finally I ACTUALLY WAKE UP to find myself singing that TATU song All the Things she Said. (I hate that song) and I am literally tired, too much action in that one dream. I wonder if I'll be able to go to AGA today. . .

Any spelling mistakes and such should be dismissed for I am too out of it to reread this thing -_-
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Bang Bang Bang=Concusion
I am angry. I wrote like a 2 page post and then stupid AOL went coocoo on me and it erased it all. I will try to write it all down again, to the best of my memory's ability.

Today I spoke with HIM and it was very nice. Just a lot of random talk about anime and why I always call him a Bastard. There was a niceness in it, an awkward niceness. I often wonder what I would do if he all of a sudden decided that us being over was a big mistake. . .I don't know, really does this even qualify as a relatisnship? It was 19 days of making promises we wouldn't keep. Does that count?

*sigh* anyway, today I discovered a really cool Japanese band, The Pillows. I had heard of them, but had never really gotten around to listening and today I finally did. Basically I've downloaded everything I can get my hands on which isn't much, only eight songs, but really they're awesome songs. I also compiled a 2 page list of Japanese bands I have yet to listen to. I think tomorrow I will dedicate my day to downloading music and talking to markus, and when he needs to sleep, I'll just download more music.

O yea, today I, Sarah I. Martinez, for the FIRST TIME EVER ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich. I just wanted to see what the big Hu bub was about. . .It was good I have to say, although it's not something I want to eat EVERY day like those kids in school O_o, too much pastiness. I'll stick to pastrami and meunster, sounds more mature anyway.

Tomorrow, if my mom decides I'm not punished anymore, I'll go to AGA. I really want to even though I'll be there all alone because Karina isn't here. I just don't want to be home staring at the cieling all day. I even cleaned the bathroom to try and convince her, cleaned it without being asked. She seems a bit less hostile, even gave me a candy bar ^_^. Bli, I need to cut down on the candy, although that seems useless now that my aunt and cousins are coming. According to Elba, her mom bought $130 in candy today. They're also bringing me a present so BWEEE. ^_^

Heh, my sister just told me I want to be Japanese. . .O_o; How wrong she is. DAMN IT. It's what, 4:54 in the morning, I get on to speak to Markus and he's not here. O well a nice PM to respond to. I wonder what time he gets out of work? *wonders* I'm in the mood to start something, like a drawing or something creative. Not a book, I'm not sure why, but it's not that. My writing mood is different. The other day I thought about dedicating my book to HIM, I thought of putting in something like, "The heartbreak you caused inspired the greatest work ever in me." Bah, I was in a Bitchy mood, what can I say. Either way, I'll stop now, I think I did a good job of remembering and then some. ^_~

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Wednesday, August 20, 2003

ooo, I'm sick. I have a fever, I'm very cold and my eyes hurt very much. I'm impatient, my trigun drawing showed up on the site the day I drew it, but my new one, well so far it's been a day, but as I said before I get imaptient. >_< I listens to Led Zeppelin to sooth my soul. I also want to listen to the Cure, but I have none of their cd's at hand. I'm a bit out of it, I don't know if it's the fever or just today. I feel. . .vague. I'm not sure if i can use that word to describe myself, but that's what today feels like, vague. *sigh* I just want to relax.
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Tuesday, August 19, 2003

I wonder. . .and that's about it. I'm tired woke up at 7:30 and now it seems too late to go back to sleep. All the kids are sleeping though, so at least I have some peace of mind. I was thinking about him today, and. . .I miss him, but in a good way I guess you could say. I am listening to many songs that make me think about him, and I can remember when he told me he loved me and the feeling in those words and everything is dull when pinned against that feeling. No more tears, just wonder. . .I begin school again in just six days, I didn't think that day was this close, but yesterday I got my class and bus assignment in the mail and i dread what is to come.
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Monday, August 18, 2003

As i sit here and eat my maceroni and cheese I feel some sort of peace inside me. This peace, I've longed for it. It is as if the day to come will be ok, I do not feel like death awaits for me, sleeps with me and just barely touches me. Just staring at the screen, the ceiling the wafts of smoke from my bowl there is a sense of ok-ness in it. I feel as if i have things to look foward to, like my world can still live if i really want it to. I have time I suppose you could say (watch me die tomorrow). *sigh* anyway, I am good today, I like that feeling.
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Sunday, August 17, 2003

Me and my Moodswings
About an hour ago I was crying incontrolaby because I was remembering my ex. . .and now, well now I'm in an extremely good mood. I thank God I didn't do anything stupid like contact him or anything. I'm looking up schools in San Francisco, I think I need to get very far away from Florida right now. I just want some sort of peace and relaxation. I managed a drawing today, Vash and I admit it isn't so bad although I'm not completely satisfied with it. I'll do some revisions tomorrow and see if I submit it. Either way, it's very late and I should sleep or at least pretend to sleep.
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Friday, August 15, 2003

today. . .well today is friday which means tomorrow is saturday, which in turn means i take care of children no longer. *sigh* happy is me. i looked through my sketch book and found one drawing i thought may be worthy, but the i backed out and decided no because the coloring was a bit off and i sound like a perfectionist, but i'm really not, i just like to do my best on the things i feel i can do my best on. . .but that doesn't really matter. i started a Vash drawing, it actually looked very very good, but then i went to the bathroom for a second and my nephew scribled all over it. i almost. . .killed someone. . .-_- i am not meant to be a mother. . .anyway, i'm bored so maybe i'll start it over. hm, i want stuff.
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Thursday, August 14, 2003

here's my first post and i'm still getting used to the feel of this place, i'm wondering what works of mine i should submit etc. etc. i have another journal, but i was thinking of giving that one up since that place's server is always going nuts on me. anyway, i doubt any of this is really interesting, i'm really bored. i've been cleaning my room since yesterday one in the morning and i'm still not done. bla bla, o well. *cracks neck* i'm just too bored i guess, tomorrow i go to AGA (Florida International University's anime club, i.e. Anything Goes Anime) i'm looking foward to that, i need more friends, i feel lonely :( :P *sigh* well, i guess that's enough for now, maybe later more will come to me and i can say things that have a bit more soul and meaning to them. . . or something.
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